Hello,
This will probably and unfortunately sound all to familiar to some of you but unsure on what to do as I've never had anything really to do with gambling.
When I met my other half just over a year ago, he was open that he had a gambling problem and is what caused his last relationship to break down as he had taken from her etc.
He was still doing it but like once a week and showing me and being very open about it which I thought was a good thing.
He then had a rough patch and was very depressive, he Didnt come round one day and was being very vague and basically had put all his money in, in one day and lost it all.
He blocked himself off the sites for 6 weeks and was so much happier, I offered to help but if it got to this point again then he'd need to stop completly or it was over.
I now realise I should have said it should have completely stopped from then but I just didn't realise how bad it could get, now experiencing it I'm convinced he's done the same thing again... We're meant to go out tomorrow but claims his bank account has been frozen so can I cover and he'll pay me back.
When questioned he got so angry and turned it on me saying I expect him to pay for all the "treats". And he'd never ask me to pay for a thing or ask for money back.
(we maybe go out like once every 2-3 months so no oftern)
And in a way I guess I do expect it but because I don't want to not have money to pay for the important stuff if he messes up again.
(I'm currently main Income earner so pay for the house).
If I mention it he threatens to leave saying he didn't want a relationship full of arguments etc.. When the rolling factor of his relationships failing is the gambling.
Maybe if I'd understood better I would have been firmer from the beginning.
When gambling isn't a factor we get on so so well and he makes me very happy!
I just at a loss as to what I'm meant to do or say right now.
Sorry for rambling!!
Dear @cat30,
Welcome to the forum! Thank you for sharing your difficult situation with us, please keep posting so that we can all support you, you'll find a very supportive community here.
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, it sounds very difficult for you. It also sounds like your partners problem gambling is having a negative impact on you, your relationship and finances.
We would always encourage you to use any support network around you, please remember that your wellbeing, health and happiness is just as important as your partners.
A visit to your GP may be beneficial if you notice a detrimental change to your physical or mental health so they can support you further.
It's good to hear you get on well with your partner when the gambling isn't a factor, would you feel safe speaking to him with the view of him calling us for help and support? There so much advice and understanding we can provide him with when he's ready to admit there is a problem and reach out for help.
Don't be afraid to put firm boundaries in place and to think about what you want from the future. Although problem gambling is serious, it doesn't mean you have to do anything you're uncomfortable with or live in fear of your partner leaving you if you try to talk about it.
Overcoming problem gambling is a challenge, many people do go on to overcome it though with support, guidance and a will to accept they have a problem and make changes.
You can access an online support meeting every Sunday from 8pm until 9pm which runs specifically for the Family and Friends of problem gamblers at http://gamanon.org.uk/?page_id=30
You're never alone in this, if you'd like to talk further then please call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline (web chat) via our GamCare website. We're open 24/7 and we're able to make a free referral for some support sessions if needed.
Sending you all the best.
Kindest Regards
Joanne
Forum Admin
Hi Cat,
his last relationship finished because he stole ?
he is gambling again and his “account is frozen “ ?
his best attempt is blocking himself for 6 weeks ? A classic sign that he wants to ‘control’ his gambling not give it up.
He doesn’t want arguments about his gambling ? None of us wanted to confront our behaviour and we will bully and manipulate anyone who tries to make us.’
It doesn’t sound like he is remotely close to giving up.
Protect yourself - it will only get worse.
Hope it works out for you.
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