Hi, I am posting about my dad who was left a large sum of money after my mum died. Unfortunately it became apparent very quickly that he had spent it all via investments/ bitcoin amongst other investments. Many of which are clearly not legitimate. He is contacted daily, several times by people - a lot via Whatsapp - which rings alarm bells for me. He shares so much personal information its worrying. He really thinks some of these people are his friends. I would like to run a credit report to see if his identity is safe - I am going to look into doing this, but I don't think my father will give me permission to do this and I need certain information to run one.
Another family member recently died and left more money to my father, which we are now pretty sure he has pretty much invested most away. My sister has also started receiving calls for my dad on her phone - and also messages - which are very aggressive and verging on bullying (they think she is my father - so she has played along just to find out who they are). All illegitimate traders.
He has numerous credit cards he has not paid off and we are concerned he is going to have nothing left very soon. So my sister and I would like to look into becoming a Power of Attorney. However, I understand you need permission from the account holders (my dad) for this. I had the dr talk to my dad, who said although he is clearly being very stupid, he is mentally astute (I beg to differ - having seen some of the scams he has been taken in by). He has also completely distanced himself from us - we were an otherwise very close family, and having recently lost our mum, this has been even more difficult to handle.
Does anyone know if it is possible for me and my sister to take control of our dad finances for him and how we would go about doing this - as I don't think my dad will give permission for us to do so.
We also need to get him help - I know this, but he doesn't think he has a problem. We have tried saying we will cut him off etc, which doesn't work. He seems embroiled in this completely other fantasy world and become ashamedly avaricious. I feel like I don't know who he is anymore and just to get control of his finances may also help us gain some control back and perhaps understand how big a problem this really is.
Thank you.
Hi
The legislation is mainly in place for cases like alzheimers disease.
Unless he has clearly ill and has professionally been diagnosed as not being of sound mind you have no chance of being in charge of his finances.
The legislation is to obviously protect him from fraud and abuse more than anybody else
I understand thats its very painful for you but he is an adult with money which I presume has been solely given to him. If there was a will. I dont know the contents of that will.
If he is dealing with bitcoin, stocks and shares...he will get calls from dealers on an almost daily basis. If its a legal activity what can you do?
If he is not talking to you and has distanced himself it would be very difficult if not impossible to help him manage his money. If you have evidence of scams you have to go with your heart but we cant really advise on what you should do. I think you should try to talk to him again and perhaps seek some legal advice.
You could be accused of interfering which is illegal.
All we can say is protect yourselves as best you can so you are not bailing him out for any of this. You can only tell him the facts of life that you are not a soup kitchen or a bank to look after him for the rest of his life when he may be skint
You can only help him when he is ready for help. Buying stocks shares and bitcoin is a form of gambling but you cant force him to stop if he doesn't want to and is not listening to you
Best wishes
Hello.
Very sorry to hear about your story. Look there is no easy way of saying this so I will be blunt. You need to start to prepare to take care of yourself and your sister as a number one priority. From what I can gather clouds are becoming a storm and YOUR security is paramount. If you are living at home you should try and find an alternative place to live. If you don't have your finances in order. Get them in order. and so on.
When you are in a merry-go-round of gambling investments people pushing you etc you are not going to see the light until you fall down a very dark hole. When you are at the bottom you start to climb up but it takes time for some to get there.
By taking your own affirmative action you may actually do some good to those who are not aware of what is happening. They may even open up to things they do not see and I don't just mean your dad but also other family and friends.
Do keep in contact with this place. Let us know if you need any help or support. Give some time to the admin and join other family members of gambling addicts here who can relate to your story. I wish you well.
Best
C
Hello S_23
Thank you for opening up and sharing your problem here. It sounds like your father's actions are affecting himself and you as his family and it must be distressing feeling like you're powerless to stop him.
You've had quite a few responses from forum members which I hope you found helpful, though it's important to note that on this forum we are not able to provide financial or legal advice.
It sounds like you might want to consider consulting a solicitor, your local Citizens Advice and/or the Money Advice Service.
If you think these investments are illegal or scams, you may also want to contact Action Fraud. Their website is down at the time of posting this, but hopefully this is temporary.
Your whole family have been through a terrible bereavement and sometimes this can cause people to turn to harmful behaviours as a way of coping. To your father, this 'investing' is serving some kind of purpose. Exploring and acknowledging how he feels about it might help him to open up about it more. This is very tricky because you can see the harm it's causing and at the moment it seems like he can't, but at the same time you don't want to push him away. If it helps him to talk to someone outside the family, he's welcome to chat to us. He may not link what he's doing with compulsive gambling, but trading can become compulsive and if someone wants to explore whether their trading has become a problem, we can help with that. Your whole family are affected by it and any of you are welcome to contact us on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat.
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hi if your sister is receiving bullying calls she has every right to get help for herself and your father.
I would call all available agencies. Stepchange, action fraud, and even the police. Asking for advice is free. Any of these will point you in the right direction. If these are ‘illegitimate traders’ it should be reported .
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
