hi everyone, I'm not really sure how to word this but I will try my best. I'm 22 years old and me and my partner (24) have been together for 3 years and just welcomed our first born in July 2019. A few months before I was due to give birth I found out my patner had got a credit card behind my back and payday loans to gamble with. I always knew he liked to gamble but I never realised he had a problem, he also works in a bookies which I dont think helps. I threatened to leave him and told him he had to change and stop gambling which he promised he would. Fast forward to Christmas eve and I found out that he had not stopped gambling and he had maxed out his credit card again and also took out a 4.5k loan with the bank, which has all gone on gambling. I'm so upset, I dont know how he could do this to his family. I stupidly have forgiven him again, and he has promised he is going to change. But hes refusing to get help via counciling etc and says he doesn't have an addiction. I dont know what is best for my little boy anymore, we cant afford the repayments on the debts hes got himself into as I'm currently not working as I'm a stay at home mum. I'm so anxious every day wondering how we will cope financially and if hes going to do this to us again. I just want what's best for my baby. This has mentally destroyed me and I dont know how I am going to get through this. I feel he has stolen the moments which should be the happiest time of my life with my new baby as I'm constantly on edge and worrying. I just want to enjoy being a new mum and creating memories with my son. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, I just dont know who else to turn to. Thankyou for reading.
Hello Becky
Sorry to hear you are going through a really tough time with your partner's gambling and all the problems you are experiencing. Please prioritise looking after yourself and your little one.
If you haven't already, please do also contact our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133, as there is a lot of free help and support (including one to one support local to you) available for people who are affected by someone else's gambling. We may also be able to help direct you to other support in your area too eg HomeStart (support for parent's of under 5's). Do you have anyone around you who you can talk to and who may be able to offer some support?
If you haven't spoken to your GP about your anxiety, please make an appointment and talk to them about that.
You are not alone and there are people and organisations that can help support you.
Wishing you all the best with your situation.
Forum Admin
Hi becky,
I was that man and am now thousands in debt with 3 kids and an amazing wife currently 277 days free from gambling.
Please prioritise yourself and little one, a joint account is a thought as everything is transparent and you have full view of every penny BUT your partner needs to recognise he has a problem and address it properly. He needs to be an example to his child and ask him what advice he would give to his child if this was their situation, please get him to post on here as there are loads people in the same situation who can help or point in the right direction. Be strong and remember there is help available and theres is a way out to the good life. Step change are amazing and have helped me and my family immensely, please bear them in mind for finacial help and advice.
Stay strong and look after your little one first and always.
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