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My partner has a problem  


Hi there, this is my 1st post. 
I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years we have a 4year old and a 10 month old. I 1st found out he was gambling when I was pregnant with our 1st son. I didn’t think he had a problem at 1st I thought it was just a mistake due to money stress n being scared about being a dad. I then found out he was lying to me for months n messed his bank up n couldn’t get out of his overdraft. I then took control of all finances and all seemed well n he was trusted with a bank card to our joint account. I noticed money disappearing n researched n found it was online gambling. I’m now at my wits end as I do t no how to help other than taking away all access but I no this won’t get rid of the problem. When he is not gambling he swaps it to either shopping on eBay or going out drinking. I don’t no if leaving him will help or make it worse. I want to help him or support him because I love him but he is ruining our family n we have no money left. It is making me ill with anxiety n panic. 

Posted : 29th November 2019 4:21 pm
Forum admin

Hi Boymummy and welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough time so I want to let you know you’re not alone in this.

A new baby is a joy that can also bring with it some new challenges, so dealing with the money worries and your partner's fears about being a dad can’t have been easy for you. You have done well to take control of the finances and it’s clear that you’ve been doing everything you can in order to support you partner. It's evident from your post that you love your partner, but you’re faced with a difficult decision between supporting him and taking care of the family too. I'm not sure from your post how much your partner is doing in order to help himself but I'm concerned about the pressure this is putting on you. 

We do feel at this time you could do with some support for you, the opportunity for you to talk over your feelings and the options available to you. If this is something that you feel might be helpful please do get in touch via our HelpLine on 0808 2030 133 or our NetLine, both available 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

Kind regards

Forum Admin

Posted : 29th November 2019 9:39 pm
Merry go round

Hi boymummy. You need to get help and support for yourself. You can take control of finances, cash and receipts if he's willing. But in reality if a gambler wants to gamble they will find another secretive way. Secure your finances, have your own account that he can't access. I could list a way round credit/debit cards, online banking, ways to get credit without you knowing. It's pointless you will go mad checking and worrying. 

Concentrate on yourself, protecting yourself and your finances. Call gamcare have counselling if you want to. There is gamanon online meeting Sunday nights 8-9, friends and family affected by compulsive gambling. Find a gamanon meeting near you and go, even if you can't go regularly. This will help you from feeling helpless and isolated.


Posted : 30th November 2019 8:17 am
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