Lost

7 Posts
4 Users
0 Likes
1,948 Views
Hope21
(@hope21)
Posts: 5
Topic starter
 

Hi All

I don't really know where to start, right now I just feel so lost. 

I've been married for 17 years and we have 4 amazing kids, the oldest is 16 and youngest is 2. 

My husband has been gambling for 11 years and I don't think I can go on living like this. 

I'll try and make this quick, I don't really know if I'm looking for advice or just to get it out. I'm just lost and don't see an end to this nightmare. I don't want to leave him but I can't live like this either. 

Basically as I said he has been a compulsive gambler for 11 years now. I've had the promises of "I won't do it again", in the early years to the "you can't tell me what to do" most recently. At least with the empty promises he at least sounded sorry (I doubt he was) now he's just cold hearted and doesn't care, he sees me crying and begging him to stop and there is nothing from him, no emotion, he is just empty. He won't talk to anyone, including me, he just walks away from me and makes me feel as though I'm the one in the wrong. He won't get help, he won't exclude himself as he's done that before (I know he's done this once) but that means nothing as he just goes elsewhere. I wish he could put as much effort into getting help as he does to gambling. He works as a taxi driver so he does get cash in his hand, some does go towards the household, but most goes to the machines. 

The last few weeks have been the worst he's ever been. It's getting to the stage I can't phone him as he accuses me of checking on him. Whenever he leaves for work, its always on the back of my mind. He's never where he says he is, he's never back at the times he says he will be, then if I ask where he's   been, it's none of my business. He's told me not to ask, and basically pretend it isn't happening. I can't live like this. His solution to his gambling is for me to turn a blind eye to it and I just can't do that.  When he is home he is an absent dad and husband, all he does is play chess on his phone. I'm exhausted, I'm on anti depression medication for anxiety and depression. He just can't see what it's doing to me. He can be so narcissistic at times, I don't even recognise this person. 

I don't think he'll ever stop, I don't think he wants to stop. He can see the pain and hurt and it's not enough for him to say right that's it. 

I just feel heartbroken right now 🙁 

 
Posted : 26th September 2021 11:36 pm
(@maxmaher)
Posts: 144
 

Without sounding too blunt you need to leave

Pack your bags , ask a friend or family member if you can stay for a couple of days , cut your finances off from him and tell him this is it 

You will only return when he is 100% commited to stopping

He will probably have a few days thinking this is great i can gamble until the cows come home , that is until he hits a losing streak and the cold light of day hits him 

Then you will get a call with his tail between his legs 

 

 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 9:18 am
(@tiredm)
Posts: 1
 

Hi Lost

 

I've just joined this group today and I feel.like I've written your post.  My husband has been doing this for 14yrs on & off, won't seek help, blames me and I feel like this is the end and want to get out but I'm stuck financially and it'll break mu only child heart as he worship his daddy. I'm soo glad to be I this group and talk to ppl as I feel like I'm going mad since the past week as I discovered hes lost 3k. 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 11:50 am
Hope21
(@hope21)
Posts: 5
Topic starter
 

You know, If I was to give a friend advice thats exactly what I'd say to them. I know this isn't right, and it's no way to live. Thanks for your honesty 🙂 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 4:52 pm
(@jess27)
Posts: 129
 

Hello @hope21,

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tough time it must be so hard, especially if you still love your husband and you want the marriage to work.

It does unfortunately sound as if your husband has a very serious addiction, which he has no desire to stop.  The addiction can have a huge impact on an addict's mood and personality, as you have seen.

Sadly, if he is not prepared to stop, there's not much you can do for him. The desire to abstain has to come from him. 

You have to decide what is best for you and your children. Do you have anyone close to you who you can confide in to give you some support?  

Take care and keep posting. You're not alone. There are lots of people here who can relate to your situation. 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 8:19 pm
Hope21
(@hope21)
Posts: 5
Topic starter
 

Hi TiredM

I feel the same way, my kids love their dad and it break their hearts if either of us left, if I'm honest it's my kids that keep me going. As much as I still love my husband, I know he isn't treating me or our kids with the love and respect that we give him. Deep down I don't think he will ever change. 

I can relate so much to your post as well. He's easily spent £1500 in a week. I've never really posted before but I felt so lost and lonely. I'm glad I posted and I'm glad that you to have found this forum.  It's sad that we have all met here but is heartwarming as well to know that we are not alone in this. ?

 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 10:00 pm
Hope21
(@hope21)
Posts: 5
Topic starter
 

Hi Jess27

Thank you for your support. I don't think he will ever stop and I know what I should do, it's doing it that is hard. I sometimes wish I hated him and didn't care. 

 
Posted : 27th September 2021 10:08 pm

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close