So I’ll keep it brief
father in law has had a life long problem with gambling which has come to a head at least 4 times that I’m aware of in the past. At the point exceptionally high levels of debt, at the same times he has also been found out to be having affairs alongside. He is very unaware of the impact of these behaviours on his wife and become extremely defensive when challenged.
we’ve found out recently of another affair and extremely high levels of gambling debt. He had convinced my mother in law to agree on extra charges to the mortgage of over 100k claiming that it was the cost of living driving their outgoing up. Similarly he had stolen over 50k of her inheritance before her relative was cold in the ground. We’ve also seen multiple pay day loan checks to their joint account which were thankfully declined but we’re currently unsure on other than the theft or any further financial implications on her
I should add there is evidence of my mother in law being a victim to economic abuse in preventing her from having financial independence, or her own bank account, wanting to control all the family finances and being very controlling/manipulative towards her in general.
does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this from a legal perspective or any tips on how to protect her as a starting point?
Hi, thank you for posting on the forum.
This sounds like a difficult situation to be in for you and also your mother in law. Please do come through on our helpline for further support and to talk it through with an adviser : tel: 08088020133 https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/
You could also look into support for financial abuse through women's aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/
For some legal advise on the situation you could look into these organisations here:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/
Hope this helps, please contact us for anything you need
Many thanks,
Lauren
Forum Admin
So I’ll keep it brief
does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this from a legal perspective or any tips on how to protect her as a starting point?
Yes forget about it
You are angry and want revenge but legally it's not going to happen without pouring money you probably haven't got down a black hole
Petty fraud is difficult and expensive to prove at the best of times without adding a family element into it
Cut him off and move on with your lives
Hello and Welcome to the forum.
I think my best advice is to Warn her and get your feelings about the situation across. You are entitled to your say and your opinion on the matter. I feel you should talk to your father in law to see if he will listen to your concerns.
I always advise reality checks and you can only give what you see as reality and what is not acceptable to you. I dont see any point hiding your feelings if you want to help
Protect your money and I would be proactive in trying to protect other family members. How they deal with the information is a matter for them. I don't know your relationships with the people involved
It's difficult as I don't know if your mother in law is asking for help. Gambling addiction is a very serious matter as is relationship abuse like financial manipulation. It reads like an abusive relationship which a gambling addiction will exacerbate.
From a legal point of view she will be weighed up as an adult of sound mind so what can be done unless she makes a complaint about possible fraud. As another poster has said, this can be very difficult to prove if she has signed for loans etc
Now legal action costs and often the only winners are the solicitors and lawyers. You can reach out for support and other advice but its a difficult situation and I suppose a worst case scenario is that you are accused of interfering in their lives
You are doing the right thing by coming on here and I hope a one to one talk with gamcare can help you further
Best wished from everyone on the forum
Are there other family members that can weigh-in and help with all of this? It sounds like a situation where an intervention and ultimatums should be put into place. I feel for your mother-in-law and the whole family.
I hate gambling. I wish someone would have given me an ultimatum. I may have woken up much sooner and the destruction of my life (and FAR more importantly my children’s lives) could have been minimized a bit.
Be Strong,
Greg
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