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Life savings gone - Dad and son gambling duo?!  

 
Hal
 Hal
(@hal)

Hi, I’m a first time poster - I’m at the end of my tether with my family’s situation and desperately need some advice!

My brother has been taking money from my parents and our grandparents for years - my dad explains he is a “professional” gambler.

My parents have since sold two properties. My dad gave my brother the proceeds of the first - a six figure sum - without my mum knowing. It’s gone.

They’ve just completed on their family home - my mum was promised half of the proceeds into her account on completion. That hasn’t happened - she is afraid to ask her husband about it because he “gets annoyed” - this makes me worry this has gone too.

Meanwhile little brother is driving around in a shiny new car, as is his girlfriend whilst my parents share a car because their second was sold to pay their own bills. My dad supports his every action and my mum is not doing a thing about it.

Is there anything I can do? It sounds cold but that’s my inheritance, my daughter’s inheritance. They worked their whole lives to give that to us. If my parents were splashing it on a fancy retirement and world cruises I wouldn’t think it was a problem. But it’s just going to nothing. 

I’m inconsolably angry. It’s now affecting my own home life because I’m short tempered and frazzled. I’m scared my mum is going to be left with nothing but when I tell her this could happen she just says she’ll sort it out. I’m scared that they are bullying her, she makes me promise not to tell them I know what’s happening. When I’ve asked them about it directly (my dad/brother) they just ignore me and have a go at my mum later/when I’ve left. I’m sure they check her phone and isolate her from her family to protect themselves. Is there anything I can do to help her get out with something of what’s left? Or at least stay if she wants to, but protect something of what’s left for herself in case she chooses to leave in the future?

Has anyone experienced similar? I can’t comprehend how delusional my dad is being, I wonder could he have a problem as well as my brother? 

This topic was modified 4 weeks ago by Hal
Quote
Posted : 30th August 2020 11:30 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi Hal

unfortunately there is very little you can do about their gambling. 
You can seek legal advice regarding your mother with regard to ‘marital money’, ‘tenants in common’ and ‘financially controlling another person’.

I went to a solicitor and secured my share of the house and other finances. Basically if your  dad is spending or cashing in savings plans or inheritances , it’s seen as marital money and your mother’s share can be put into an account in her name. For me it was worth it and ‘woke’ my husband up to the fact I’d protected myself legally.

Look at gamanon who are f&f of compulsive gamblers with life experience and support for yourself and your mum. Go to the website.

call gamcare and talk to someone 

Stepchange are a debt charity who offer advice and help, all free, all confidential.

get as much free help and support As you can. You need to act now before all the money is gone. Waiting for a gambler to stop and get help is often when there is nothing left and no more credit available.

don’t be ashamed, and fear will hold you back. Addiction makes people do terrible things without any  thought for others.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31st August 2020 9:22 am
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