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I've asked him to leave am I being too harsh?  

 
MrsB
 MrsB
(@mrsb)

Hi everyone

I believe my husband has a gambling problem he seems to be addictive to putting money he can't afford into forex stock markets

It's been going on about 18 months I think he has put in £10k and lost it all he has £50k worth of debt with no means to pay it back and won't go bankrupt as he says he can't trade if bankrupt 

He still contributes towards house bills we have separate accounts so he pays me a 50% share but leaves himself short every month after investing like has no petrol for his car he has £8 in his bank account now until end of August when he gets paid again  

He dreams of making it big says wants to make  a few million will buy us a house pay off his debt and his mom's mortgage etc etc 

Today I saw he had money transferred from his sister and paid it directly into the stock market His sister is semi aware of his gambling but don't think she really understands what's happening he hadn't told her he was going to invest the money and he hadn't told me he had asked her for money I think he just said he was short of money to his sister who I imagine just wanted to help

He doesn't ask me as he knows I won't support his habit he refuses to get help and tells me I'm just being negative

Finding out today what he had done with his sister was my last straw I've asked him to leave in the morning am I being too harsh? I know he has an addiction but he won't to anything to address it he won't sort his debt and he lies to me and now his sister I feel like all the trust has gone from our marriage

We have 2 kids who are on holiday I have no idea what I will say to them when they get back

 

Quote
Posted : 7th August 2019 11:23 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

How about giving him a chance to sort this out,support and help him beat this addiction, surely  he deserves that at least?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 8th August 2019 5:08 am
MrsB
 MrsB
(@mrsb)

Hi the biggest problem is that he doesn't believe he has an addiction or any sort of problem he thinks this is a valid way to make money

he doesn't want to pursue any help he's been telling me this for many many months I have said that I will support him to go to a group or access some sort of counseling but he doesn't want to and tells me he doesn't need to

He says I'm the problem because I'm negative towards him and don't support him using the stock market when I say well after 18 months and £10k your no better off a your debts are mounting and you can't afford to live He  says next month will be different I've changed my formula I'm doing things differently now

he constantly lies to me he wasn't going to tell me about having money from his sister I saw it on a bank statement when I questioned him about it he said he wasn't going to tell me or tell his sister what he was doing and he went to her as he knows I won't give him money and  the last set of money he paid at end of July had been lost 

How can I support someone who doesn't want help or see his behaviour as a problem? I feel I have been patient for a long time I live in fear of debt collectors he's been told many times by professionals he can't afford to pay back the debt and needs to go bankrupt but his suggestion is to pay £1 a month until he makes money on the stock market but he hasn't even done that any money he has goes on the stock market 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 8th August 2019 7:19 am
Lethe
(@lethe)

He's kidding himself. 'Investing' on the stock markets or currency exchanges is still gambling, just with an upmarket name. He's not going to get the big win that will set everything right. They're all chasing that but the reality is that any amount that does come in gets ploughed right back into the chase.

He doesn't want help. He doesn't want to stop. His talk of support is manipulation. He wants to be left in peace to get on with it and preferably have the black hole further funded too. You can't help him until he wants to be helped. An unaddressed addiction can and does drag down everyone around. Your priority must be your own and the children's interests right up to and including him leaving the house if that's what you feel is right for your own financial and emotional security.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 8th August 2019 7:01 pm
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