It's not him it's me

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Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)
Posts: 1491
Topic starter
 

This message is as much about me as the person who reads it.

when a person allows another to take responsibility for their behaviour you see change. The whole time a person 'supports ' 'helps' 'forgives' 'allows' the behaviour will continue. That is not 'their' behaviour it's 'mine'. 

We all need to take responsibility. Why do we accept it? There are many resources, books, charity, helpline, support groups for you to get help. Another person cannot do it for you.

if you want change you  have to change yourself. Waiting for another to realise their bad behaviour is affecting you is a road to nowhere. Stop expecting another to get help. Get help for you. Stop helping them, fixing it, forgiving. Ask why am I allowing this? Why is it acceptable? Where are my boundaries?

i am married to a compulsive gambler therefore I need help. I go to support groups, I read relevant self help books, I have therapy. My husband has his own individual behaviour, problems, anxiety. They are his , I can't fix him, I can't make him feel better. We are all individuals. Once you realise you need help, things will improve. If you're trying to control another it will continue.

start asking yourself why? Why do I .....?

 
Posted : 4th January 2020 7:43 am
changemylife
(@changemylife)
Posts: 531
 

Excellent post, and very true. We can only try to help others or they may try to help us - through support, understanding, coping tools, barriers etc. But nobody can actually force someone to change or take decisive action.

We are not babies anymore. It will take courage and belief to stand up tall and do whatever is necessary for improvement, growth, knowledge, acceptance and accountability. 

 
Posted : 4th January 2020 4:36 pm

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