It's a journey not a destination

THANKYOU Cathy for popping over to my diary. ..and for your kind words...
Hope you're ok and things are going well for your son. ..as a parent it's so hard watching our babies go through difficult times..
I've been with one of my daughters through some terrible times....hardest thing I've ever done....actually much worse than fighting my addiction. ....I suppose it's because I had no control over the situation she got herself in...I don't know...but as mums there pain and distress hurts us doesn't it....
Anyway....we keep smiling. ...and if a giggle on the way helps...that's a bonus...take care x

Amom wrote:

My son has been gamble free since January and continues to work a real recovery... not just abstinence. Though close to 9 months have passed it's amazing how quickly my mind still goes back to the fear and other feelings that go with a gambling addiction. Still every time I see his name pop up on my phone I panic. What does he want? Has he relapsed? I go straight to that place like Pavlovs dog and I hate it. It's not the thought of my son losing money that scares me its why is he so sad,frightened, lonely, fed up with life that the self punishment of losing everything in a casino seems like the answer.

As a mom I don't want to see him counting days but hanging on for dear life until the next crisis happens. I want to see him learning to like himself, learning to trust himself, learning to accept that he is good enough... I could give a s**t about his day count.

Know that you are not alone in your recovery either Cathy. We walk side by side with you too. tri x

Thanks Cathy. Really appreciated your post.

First step of clearing my head is writing it down. Seeing the funny side is a sweet next step, which you helped with.

Glad your son's making progress and delighted you've got comfort through GA.

I know my parents were/are pretty much perfect. No trauma for me yet I still became addicted for a long time.

The struggle with difficult emotions drives us powerfully. Know you're meant to be a 'man' but the 20s can be especially hard for a lot of guys. As we perceive we fail to live up to whatever.

Sure your son will pull through especially with you around.

Louis

Thank you so much for your kind post ☺

Very well wishes and all the calm in the world may come your way!

Peaceful & also joyful Xmas to you and yours "supermom" 😉

S x

Thanks Cathy...
Yes...life is defiantly a pleasure now....even the mundane chores us women have to do ! Lol
Glad to hear all's ok with you and yours x

Hi dear Cathy,

Thank you for your post last night ☺
You made me smile and i thank you deep from my heart!

I hope all is well with yourself and your little one.
Tiny steps forward, that's all we need to do in this journey..it will get better ☺

Stay safe & sound! Thank you for your post again

S x

Dear Amom,

Thank you so much for your post! Quiet encouragement is all i needed. Some things are hard to talk about however, something like that is vital for my recovery (e.g..the need of running away which i still ise uptil now 🙁 ).
Cannot run anymore, not from myself...

I am what i am. I only need to accept myself but that's work in progress ☺

Hope your lil one is ok & most importantly - you're looking ahead too...

Life is interesting experience huh..only now thought why it is so hard sometimes. It's lessons we learn..some are tough some are straightforward, but all of them are still lessons ☺

Thanks again, you don't have to worry about me....
I'm here and plodding along...never perfect but always trying for the best 🙂

Look after yourself xx

S x

Who who but you to break through my barriers is a shocker...not if i don't appreciate it...it's just,..i don't know you but you managed to pull most of the strings of my heart to reduce me to tears.

I can only thank you...old weak Sandra is still here, but brave face is a must now.. cannot be weak no more.

Sorry to hear about your Son. Am i reading it right? He has lapsed? That's S***e for sure..
The thing is..i know myself how easy it is to go back there. Same happened with drink, even if only after two months..they meant a lot to me.

Right, no more tears. It's not worth it.

Keep fighting dear lady...for you & your loved ones...take it easy

S x

Hey Amom ☺

Thank you so much for your post. Not sure if there is Mother's day in Canada today (as it's in UK) but either way...every day should be Mother's day!!!! So happy and peaceful day to you! ☺ x

I really appreciate your support. I guess you're one of few who sees through my "bravado" and aknowledges that deep inside i do want to get better...i just don't know how :-/..or didnt know how for a long time.

However..i think i am on the right track now. Found my prayers again and even got outta bed last night cause forgot,...so i don't break the new found cycle, i had to gently push 26kg off me (lol..Bella is not exactly a puppy as you see but likes to sleep on my arm or chest...yup...not much freedom in my household recently) and finish my day with a massive "Thank you".
Still attending meetings. Not as regular and i let my Sponsor down few times this week by not going. I think it was Thursday one where i drove to different town, found the door but was dead on time and didn't find strength to walk through :-/...obvs i still have many anxiety issues. Turned around and stormed bk home swearing at myself under the breath lol...proper cursed myself into hell and tears! But after lil converse with DAAT and sponsor i forgave myself ☺
Second time was yesterday...but by some miracle i got occupied with lil Bella and spent all day/evening with her.

Today i can't have any excuses because i truly want my recovery to work. Truly do.

Change comes slowly and difficult to me. Always has been. As you noticed, i need to burn my wings few times before new approach sinks in.

My recent relapse is truly unexplainable. Don't know what happened but it happened and so i can't change anything now.

I need to keep close eye on myself. My moods are quite jumpy. The only positive i can take out of my recent fiasco, is me standing back up and trying again. Could be worse...could still be in a grip of addiction...yet I'm not...I'm on my knees asking for guidance, appreciating my days and existence, listening and sharing at the meetings, talking to my sponsor...i am kind of moving on, no matter how slowly ☺

Restored best friendship with Sesuo, got a loving and cudly dog, job, roof over my head, parents, healthy bank balance (just for today lol), ..friends...even if not many but the ones worth keeping ☺

I am doing ok..i truly am!

Hope your Son os on the right track also!

It's slow progress but progress it is! ☺

Ps..my anxiety issues huh....i just got mahhooossiivveee packet of donuts to share at my meeting lol lol...there is always first for everything! I will be baking cakes soon heh heh

Thank you for your support and keep putting your wellbeing first.

JFT - S x

Late with my reply, but dropping in with a thank you for your support. I think as another Mum you get it, and although our kids and worries are very different you too have run the gamult of parental emotion. You're posts are always spot on. Thanks for taking the time and making the effort, not just to me but around the forum. I hope things are well with you and yours. LB x

Can't find a like button (just mountains & street signs) so dropping on by to say:

Love the mind is a neighbourhood quote 🙂

Hello Amom,

Thank you for dropping by ☺
As you probably know a lot has chnaged in my life in the last two years..Nothing is perfect but everything is hundred times better than before.

I have learned a lot about myself and life itself. "Think before you talk" is one of the main lessons i am still mastering.

I hope your son is doing well...those daily right choices huh..compassion and love towards oneself ☺...little pieces can make the whole big picture...we all need patience ☺

You still strangely give me a "Mum's comfort".. don't know why..maybe your soft and caring approach.. spoken to my Mummy yesterday, sometimes she turns the clocks back to the past and admits how wrong she was at times. Breaks my heart to be honest because how can you say "i forgive you" to the person who fed you, raised you, looked after you all along. Apologies and forgiveness shouldn't come in the contest of a family...it's just wrong!

Going off on one here huh....thanks for coming by anyway...feeling pretty lonely with my thoughts recently so a lil warm word was a God send ☺

God bless

B&S xx

Hi, Cathy,

Sorry, wrong diary before. I'm sorry to hear that he's gambling again, wishing you strength to look after you.

Take care,

CW

Hi Cathy

Thanks for your post. Glad your enjoying the Happiness Trap - and doing the worksheets too!

I was just thinking today - how I have to accept that, although ACT has been powerful and helpful for me, it doesn't seem to have the same effect for others. So, I'm glad to hear it's working for you. To me it offers a pretty complete code for living a richer and more meaningful life - I just have to remember to do ACT, rather than talk about it!

Be interested to know more about how you get on with the HT - difficulties and successes. I find defusion really difficult - when I try and 'watch' my thoughts, I go blank, then get hooked and come too about 10 minutes later. Still, that in itself is progress.

Hope you and your son are well.

Louis xx

Hi Cathy,

Thank you for the post ☺. I know what you're saying and shall put actions down instead of words.

I am very poorly...mentally, emotionally, spiritually and near enough physically.

I am sick. I thought against these words from early age...but i guess Mummy and Sister were right. I am sick and not normal.

Time to ask for help ☺, i honestly believe time has come now.

How are you anyway? How is your sin doing? Bless your and your loved ones souls...i will pray for the peace returning in your heart.

Look after yourself

S x