Hi,
So last month I put up a thread about my partner being addicted to gambling which nearly ruined our new family.
we have a 3 month old baby and my partner was gambling hundreds each week and we were living off nothing.
I forced him to speak to Gamcare and download Gamban on all devices including our family IPad. He promises he hasn’t gambled but he has never had a down day since I have asked him to stop.
For me if someone has had an addiction for over 10years surly there are good and bad days? He has told me he doesn’t even think about gambling anymore and it’s ‘easy’ for me that raises suspicion straight away but I guess the trust is gone at the moment so it’s going to.
Anyway I went on to our iPad this morning and noticed it now says *** at the top of the iPad we’re the WiFi symbols is.
I googled what this means and realised it’s a secret way of searching for things.
Has anyone ever heard of this or am I looking into it to much? I’m asking for advice before I confront him and I’m wrong. I did google and it said it can find a way past gam block but i tried his common website and still couldn’t access it.
any advice would be appreciated on *** or learning to trust a gambler again.
thanks,
Hayley.
*** is a way of staying more anonymous when you surf the web. I've heard people on here talking about this before I hope someone else will answer you as I'm not 100% sure. You have a right to be suspicious and want answers . Do you have access to all accounts and credit reports? If you don't you should you have yourself and a young child to think of. I'm 10months into recovery and I would never describe it as easy ,it's much easier now but I still have bad days . Bad days now strengthen my resolve and when I read posts like yours it hits home again the harm that gambling does, also gives me the determination to never repeat that hurt. Hope things work out for you
well my fone only showed *** when i downloaded gamban so maybes hes put it on the ipad aswell coznthe *** is blocking what gamban have installed it to block
@hayley94 As mentioned it hides where you are on the internet so you can access sites that maybe you couldn't normally. If you were to look in the history it should still show the sites he's bee on, unless he's been in private mode.
For my experience just having a block like Gamban isn't enough long term, and very few people don't have good days all the time. They tend to come and go, so do the urges. The trouble with this for you now is unless your husband is completely transparent you won't believe what he says, and your mind gets all caught up in conspiracy theories, especially when things like *** appear on the ipad.
I would explain how you feel, if he has nothing to hide ask to see either his bank accout or his history. If there is nothing to hide then it won't matter.
As a compulsive gambler I didn't realise the mental strain I put my wife under until it was too late, but when I was gambling I would say anything to keep her away from finding out the truth. For your own sake and peace of mind, ask him.
Chris.
Hi everyone
Just to let you know, we have edited the posts on this thread and deleted the name of this software as it may be triggering for other forum members and we want to ensure that we do everything we can to reduce the risk of potential harm.
Thank you for understanding.
Warm wishes
Zoe
Forum Admin
Thank you for all your replies,
It turns out that Gamban uses that same software for their system to stop online gambling and that is why it’s there.
I have found it under settings on the iPad so my mind is at ease now. I guess the trust within our relationship needs serious work as anything like this I am bound to jump to conclusions.
Apologies for not blocking the name as I understand someone with this addiction might be tempted by this, but rest assumed Gamban is very secure and using that software you will still be blocked from online gambling.
Regards,
Hayley.
Yes there many ways around gamban not going to discuss... here.
with all things in life/many ways to skin a cat so to speak..
- Main thing ...realising your trying to help/protect your loved one and your overall/own financial status..and he is a vulnerable person regarding his addiction... and may not act like his normal self... until this is boxed appropriately/moved on from.
- Financial route is all you need to have the reins on........ and he needs to trust you implicitly
you need money to be able to gamble.
- change all cards you have on accounts/change access for you only .....internet et cetera
all bank accounts/savings/crypto currency/shares..
work out what your partner needs/regarding money access to it on a daily basis, fuel etc. use an account if needed that's limited by you........
control All letters that come to house you should open.......
This sounds alot but half a day and you will have all sorted....
this will stop the money route/and limit potential financial/extra damage/give your partner extra breathing space..... allow time for the trust to rebuild with you guys as he recuperates seeks help to find the reasons why and grow/break down gambling rational add tools to his arsenal to prevent relapse....
note expect a relapse... but deal with it constructively ....
it may be innocent he may not be gambling again now..... but for piece of mind...
i would do the above as a team/couple...
hope you guys rebuild and go from strength to strength .. all the best
(sorry if i've waffled havent re-read.)
Hi Hayley94 and Welcome
Gamban is not enough on its own. You will need to monitor all finances and preferably control all finances.
I'm afraid its not as simple as installing gamban and job done. He could find all sorts of ways to gamble and you will need to develop a sixth sense of knowing where he is and what he is up to.
That is not snooping or treating him like a baby. That is to save any quality of life you both have!
He will need help and he will need to be open an honest. You cant be a shrinking violet about this. He needs reality checks that you will not tolerate gambling and he has some serious choices to make to recover properly.
Im just trying to make you aware of what you are really dealing with here. Its a drug addiction and very powerful indeed. Knowledge is strength and you must protect yourself as best you can with a support network of family and friends. Dont assume he is cured and make sure the bills will get paid.
It can be made history if he gets the right help and if he is truly ready to break free from the curse of a gambling addiction,
However you can both never be complacent again and he doesnt need your full trust ever again for his own good
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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