Hi, I’m completely lost and don’t know what to believe any more! I found out about my partners gambling addiction 2 years into our relationship. I found out he had borrowed money from a woman and she messaged me when he’d failed to repay her. I suspected something was up so I found his bank statements and nearly every other transaction was for online gambling. I confronted him, initially he tried to lie his way out. Then I discovered that he was in serious debt with my parents, his boss, loan companies and loan sharks. His family helped him to pay off the urgent debts. He lost his flat and I ended it at that point. I felt so awful for leaving him at his time in need that we got back together and he moved into my home. He told me he was never going to gamble again. Has been paying off his debts and things seemed better. We are now 18 months on from that. For the last few months he has been acting odd, so I decided to check up on things, I credit checked him and in there was a l*******s identity check, 4 CCJs one being very recent! I confronted him, he admitted the CCJ and said he was sorting it as paperwork went to an old address. He denied opening a l*******s account, went as far as emailing them and has reported identity fraud to the police to prove to me it wasn’t him. I don’t know what to do, I want to believe him but something in my gut tells me he is lying. I feel like I am going crazy. Any advice would be greatly appreciate.
Did your partner attend GA or receive counselling after you found out about the gambling/ debt 2 years ago? The reason i ask is that it's incredibly difficult for a compulsive gambler to abstain from gambling on their own accord. A compulsive gambler has to recognise their problem and also want to stop gambling. You need to ask yourself, do you think your partner would have continued to gamble had you not exposed the deceit?
The recent events suggest to me that your partner continues to gamble. The fact that you've posted on this forum makes me think that, deep down, you know this too. Compulsive gambling and lying/ deceit go hand-in-hand. When i was gambling i would not have hesitated to contact l*******s claiming fraud. Compulsive gambling is an illness and until your partner gets the treatment they need, it will be incredibly difficult to break the gambling cycle.
I hope that you manage to make positive progress.
Thanks for your response, no he did not attend GA or receive any counselling. I’m really not sure if he would have continued if I hadn’t found out, he’d hit rock bottom and I believed loosing pretty much everything was enough to make him stop. I feel so conflicted, I want to believe him and his story of identity theft but the most plausible explanation is that he opened the l*******s account. He told me that he had self excluded though. I’m so confused.
Hi Han05,
If he's self excluded he would have received an email confirming proof of identity had been sent & exclusion has been set up. If he has i'm sure he'll be happy to show you.
Best Wishes
AL
The short answer is yes.
isnt it amazing how this type of “fraud” could happen to a gambler
im nearly 500 days clean and pulled this one a few times myself.
we are liars and as the hole deepens we find new ways to lie. There is no smoke without fire and that is the bottom line I’m afraid. He needs to be ready to stop.
i had multiple cases of “fraud” when I was gambling, I’ve not had one since I stopped...no coincidences there
protect yourself please
Fighter - I love your honesty. It’s the most straight talking post I’ve read.
Han - I would also agree this is a lie. I have learnt to trust my instincts other the word of a CG and although I think we live in infinite hope that the lie is true; we only find ourselves more disappointed when we eventually have it confirmed.
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