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honey77
(@honey77)

Hi

 

Really struggling.  Found out about 2 weeks ago about my husbands gambling addiction.  A scary amount of debt  - I'm literally petrtified.  Drugs and alcohol also became a problem - and he was able to lie and deceive me for 20 years.  I thought I was smart.  I get so angry that I don't know what to do.  Then, I'm supportive but I can't understand it.  I'm standing by him - he's two weeks clean, sober and without gambling but how do you ever trust somebody again?  But mainly because we have no money - I can'rt even afford to leave him.  I've had all of my choices taken away from me. We had everything at one point.  He has earned very good money and I've wanted for nothing - but it turns out all the lovely things he bought me and the life he provided for me was a distraction so he could do what he wanted.  I've raised two amazing boys and have always worked part time around them.  I will obviously get a job in order to contribute more but I have no skills, lack confidence and I'm a bit all over the place to be honest.  

He is saying all the right things and appears to be recovering well but I'm so angry.

He only confessed after I dragged it out of him over about 3/4 days and I'm utterly exhausted.  If I hadn't found out - he would never had confessed?

Feels good to talk

Quote
Posted : 12th August 2021 7:08 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Good Evening Honey77,

Welcome to the Gamcare Forum. 

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you for sharing what you have been going through. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling at this time.  I want to reassure you that you do not have to be alone with this and there is support that we can offer. 

I am pleased to hear that your husband is 2 weeks gamble free, this is really positive. You mentioned that currently you have no money and you have two boys at home, do you have enough food to get you through until you are next paid?

The feelings that you have expressed around struggling with trust, the anger that you feel as well as the concerns around how you will manage financially are all valid ones.  Like you said, it helps to be able to talk about this. 

We are always here on the helpline if you would like to talk to us and we can look at further support for you as well. Please call us on 0808 8020 133 or speak to us via our live one-to-one chat: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/

In the meantime please take care of yourself and keep sharing.

Best wishes 

Ricki

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th August 2021 10:56 pm
Jess27
(@jess27)

Hello @honey77 and welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Gambling addiction is so hard on family and close friends. 

My husband is a recovering addict and like you, I found out. He didn't confess. It was the most difficult period of my life and I really feel for you. You talk about being all over the place and I felt just the same. One minute I was so angry with him, the next I was terrified he would harm himself. It is so tough! 

You can contact the advisers on here, either by messaging or calling. They offer good advice and support. There is also access to counselling for both of you. 

Whatever you decide to do about your relationship, you need to protect yourself. Make sure any finances you have are secure.  You're husband should take responsibility for his own debt. If you are worried about debt, there is a charity called Stepchange who can offer support and advice. 

Your husband needs to be fully committed to stopping. There are steps he can take, such as installing blocking software on devices to stop him accessing gambling sites. It needs to come from him though. He has to want to stop. 

I wish you the very best of luck. It's a horrible shock initially, and I still have days where I struggle, almost 12 months down the line. There are ways forward though, whichever course of action you decide to take.  Time does heal.

Keep posting. You're not alone.

J x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th August 2021 10:12 pm
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