I'm new to this...please help

Hi kittylisa_compassion, 

Thanks for posting and sorry to hear about your brother having a gambling addiction.

It can be very upsetting and frustrating and difficult as an affected other but you are never alone with this and there's lots of support available for anyone affected by this.

It's great that you are feeling compassionate and supportive, this can't be easy for you. Nobody can change your brother but when he is in recovery and making the changes he needs to make then having this support around him will be of great benefit. 

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you and please encourage your brother to call. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers. There's also organisatiions like Gamanon which can support affected others. 

If he is feeling suicidal then he should contact the Samaritans on: 116 123, contact 999 - ambulance or the Police, Papyrus on: 0800 068 4141, your local A &E, or his G.P.

Take care and keep posting. 

Kirk 

Forum admin 

if HE  is feeling suicidal?

and once again it is so very NOT all about HIM

Your response make me feel even closer to killing myself, no joke 

Look at it like this.

This stuff he's doing.  Stealing and gambling.

If you can imagine that your brother's brain has been hijacked by a terrorist and the terrorist is deciding what he may think and not think, do and not do, you will be getting close to an overview of what is going on.  He has created a behaviour that takes over the soul like cancer it simply grows and solidifies the longer he keeps on doing it. He may be the nicest when he's not in gambling mode then a manipulative Mr hide when he is. Nothing justifies his actions and you have my sympathies for all the horrible things that you must be going through right now. Just understand that it is an illness in the end of the day and he will need therapy to get himself into a better place. You will need someone to talk to as well so that you can manage the grief that this has caused on top of everything else. Please look out for yourself first. Do not lend give or share any kind of money with him when it is like this. From this point, you look after your own pocket first. Second, tell him to stay the course and get help. If he has not done it too long he may not need to be in recovery for too long. 

Stay strong. I am sure you will be guided through this and you just need to believe that things will look up again soon.

Best

C

Hi Kittylisa,

This addiction is so hard on loved ones. As the wife of a gambling addict I totally understand that you may feel angry at your brother and the fact that it feels as if the focus is all on his wellbeing. 

There is support for friends and family through Gamcare. The advisors will talk to you and can arrange counselling. There is also a friends and family chat room.

As c43h said above, the addiction does alter people's way of thinking. As a non addict I still struggle to fully understand some of the things my husband did, which were so out of character for the person I knew. 

Take care and keep posting. There are lots of people on here who can relate to your situation and offer support. 

J x

Dear @kittylisa_compassion,

I would like to sincerely apologize for our earlier reply, it appears Kirk has misread your post. 

You do matter, what you feel and think does matter. I appreciate that going through loss and being faced with such disappointment around your brother all at once is stressful and upsetting. But please know you are not alone and please know it's Ok and normal to be angry. It will take time for you to work through all this so be kind to yourself.

Please make sure to call us for additional support and please also make sure you speak speak to us, we are here 24/7: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/

Please also make sure you get support from Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Again, you are not alone and we are here to support you and I am really sorry there was a misunderstanding from our end.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin 

What your feeling is perfectly normal, the addict and their friends and family are on different time scales.  What I mean is that the addict knows full well of the storm of their addiction as they are living it, but they are trying to keep it from others which is usually the case.

When the truth finally comes out it is a huge relief for the addict initially as it is all out in the open, but for family and friends its this huge bombshell that has been dropped on them and is very difficult to process. Once you get into it and discover how shocking an addicts behaviour has been to feed their addiction then it is only natural for anger to rise to the surface. 

You have done the right thing by reaching out for support as having an addict in your life is hugely challenging, my advice would be to look up GamAnon online and attend some meetings (they have virtual meetings) and you will hear form people in the same situation as you. Your brother is in control of his behaviour, if he is seeking help, well and good, but you can only control your own behaviour. You are not alone in this, there is support out there for you. I wish you all the best with it.

Hello KLC and welcome to the forum.

Its very difficult to give you the words you want to hear at this stage.

This is about you and you must protect yourself and your family. Im so sorry to hear of your fathers death.

You can empower yourself by talking this through and taking further control of the situation. I dont know enough about where you live in relation to your brother or how you see the family relationship moving forward

Gambling addiction is a drug addiction and mental illness. I am not making excuses for your brother but you will probably learn he didnt do it with an evil laugh to directly hurt you. He was feeding a fix and the tragedy is that may gamblers steal and defraud to fund the addiction

Im not saying that makes it any easier to bear for you but you have to move on with some strength. You cant just give up. Again I dont know your relationship with your brother but all further money and possessions must be protected. Do you have other family and friends you can talk to?

Forget the trust....your brother doesnt need trust...he needs professional help to enter a full and lifelong recovery

I dont know if your relationship can be repaired but you need to give him the reality checks that it has consequences and he may not be able to live with family again. You tell him that gambling is not acceptable to you and what he has done is far from acceptable behaviour to put it mildly

I dont know if he works or if he shows any remorse to try and pay anything pack with second jobs . We dont know enough to fully comment. I know you will be hurt and there are no easy words to give you

All I can say is look after yourself and knowledge is strength. Learn what you are dealing with and you have some tough decisions to make

Keep in touch with the forum and there is plenty of advice for relatives of addicted gamblers

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Kittylisa,

I would like to apologise for my earlier response , I was meant to write if 'anyone' is feeling suicidal , not if 'he' 

One word out of place in these things can make a big difference. 

Your anger and frustration at this situation is very understandable and it is a huge emotional rollercoaster for any affected other in these scenarios. 

Again, if you or anyone else is having suicidal thoughts then please reach out and speak to the organisations suggested or give us a call on our helpline 0808 8020 133.

Take care , stay strong and you are never alone. 

Kirk 

Forum admin