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How to trust ur partner again  

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afrg74
(@afrg74)

I've known for about a year that my boyfriend of 2 years has a gambling addiction. He hid it well as first and involved me by having small £1 EW bets on the odd horse at weekends. It was fun and i found out i was betting picking winners than he was. But then i noticed he would pay for bets by distracring me away from the counter and the bets were getting bigger and bigger. He was off sick for 2 weeks and i was home working. Thats when i noticed there was an issue. He was constantly watching the race after race. His moods changed like the wind. It kept going ro bookies each day saying he was bored and wanted something to do. He lost a lot of money. I knew something was wrong.

Thats when i started looking for betting slips. I knew about the odd bet. I asked him not to hide the fact that he was betting. I want him to be open and honest about it. So he did but he said it was only a few pounds each way. Id hear him throwing away the slips in the bins. When he wasnt looking id check. Found that it was a lot more. I became a super sleuth. I still am. It destroys me. He bare face lies to my face. He must think i was born yesterday. The lies to cover up where he has been. He would rather i think he was cheating than admit he was placing a bet. Now lockdown is over the lying has started all over again. 

I have confronted him in the past about the lies. He has seen me get upset and still lies. He says he wants to stop gambling. But i know he cant. I see it in his face....he cant resist. I have asked him so many times. Pleaded with him to stop lying. That i can help him stop gambling if he wants to. But he says its under control. I can stop. Its not a problem. But he picks a winner and then he is off again. He spends £800 a month gambling..... I have never had a go at him for gambling but he knows i disagree with him spending 100's gambling. Before i knew it was an issue for him i used say to him in passing "gambling big is a fools game. Only the bookmaker wins. Im glad we only bet small." Now i realise that was the worst thing i could have said. But i didnt know gambling was an issue for him.

If i confront him about his lies he gets defensive and blames me. It makes me feel like rubbish. He accuses me of snooping and makes out i am one at fault. But i simply just dont trust him. He has lied so many times. He is so rubbish at it. I know when he lies. I feel so hurt and know if i confront him again - and i want to call him out - he will hide it from me again and again and again.

I met the man who loves me every single day. Better than anyone has ever loved me. But he keeps lying about gambling. I want to trust him but he keeps lying.....even this evening....2.50ew he told me which was really 20ew....as i checked the betting slip in his pocket. He wasnt going to tell me except he took too much of an interest in a race and i caught him looking at bet calculator on his phone. So i asked him outright. He didnt want to tell me. But he did. Then lied about the amount. He said he didnt want to place the bet. He felt bad for doing it. But felt better about himself because the horse placed.. I wish to god it would have lost!.

Do i want to check up on him. In all honesty no, i do not....because it kills me knowing that i cant trust him. All i want to do is trust him and i cant. It makes me very very sad. I thought id met the man of my dreams...how wrong i have been. 

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Posted : 23rd April 2021 11:10 pm
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