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How do you approach the subject. He doesn’t know I know  

 
Lillie
(@lillie)

My partner and I have been together two year.   He doesn’t live with me. 
I found out that he gambles and all the symptoms are there but I’ve been completely blind to it.  
He walked out on me two weeks ago because I wanted to talk to him and tell him that I am unhappy with the current situation.  
He’s now agreed to meet me but I don’t know what to say.   I know he will probably walk away again.  
any advice??? 

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Posted : 6th March 2020 10:15 pm
AndyTheVeggie
(@andytheveggie)

Hi Lillie

Maybe ask him how he feels about his gambling and see if he wants to give it up or not. He has to want to do it himself, you cant persuade him to give it up.

I'm thinking in the way he walked out on you sounds like he enjoys his gambling and he possibly doesn't want to discuss it or give it up sadly.

This is just my thoughts and experience. I could be wrong 

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Posted : 7th March 2020 12:59 am
Lillie
(@lillie)

Thank you for your thoughts. 
He has kept us in a kind of bubble.  Not mixing with hes friends or family. Occasionally mixing with mine. 
I believe this is because he’s told me so many lies it’s now impossible for me to socialise in he’s word.  
we get on so well.  We have a lot of fun. 
but since January I’ve seen a different side to him.    Mood swings.  He’s rude to be .. actually vile and hurtful at times.  
it’s like two different people. 
I’ve been told gambling is an illness.   I wouldn’t walk way if he had cancer. 
I just don’t know what to do 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 7th March 2020 7:02 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi Lillie. I am a compulsive gambler and I certainly wouldn't live with one. My opinion is that you should run for the hills. It sounds like your being "played" with. Ask yourself, just because he can walk into your life and make you laugh, is this the basis for a relationship? Sorry of this sounds harsh. He's a gambling addict and you can't save him from himself, that's his job. All the best

 

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Posted : 7th March 2020 7:45 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi Lillie I'm sorry to see that you are here. I'm  the wife of a cg. I know from experience that more than likely he keeps you away from f&f  because he's lying or hiding something. They may very well still be lending him money.

the best way to see if your bf is acknowledging his problems is to see if he mentions it. If you do he will lie. Addiction is about secrets and lies. The first step is admitting the problem. You cannot make someone get help, fix them, get them to confess. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. He needs to see it's unmanageable. You need to set boundaries.

Start by looking after yourself. Change your behaviour. Stop accepting the secrets and lies. This is not normal or healthy. Let him do the talking. This is an illness but addiction turns a person into a monster. Don't make excuses for him. Be on your guard. 

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Posted : 7th March 2020 10:07 am
Lethe
(@lethe)

My honest opinion is to let him walk away. Life with an active gambler is hell and he's shown you just a taste of it. There's nothing you can do or say to make him give up until he wants to and until he does this is what your life will be. Think about what you want need and deserve in a partner. He's not matching up.

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Posted : 7th March 2020 11:45 am
KS2
 KS2
(@ks2)

Lillie,

I’m a compulsive gambler and I can accept that it’s an illness or just the way our mind is.

However, it’s not like cancer. It’s something that can only be treated by initiation & active participation by him. You can’t cure him, a doctor can’t cure him.

It’s definitely not like cancer.

In 90% (at least) of gamblers it will get worse. Much worse. Even if he stopped there is a high chance of relapse.

Close your eyes for a minute and imagine you have a house & mortgage together, maybe children. You may only find out about the continued gambling or relapse when he builds up huge debts and runs out of credit.

You are only 2 years into a relationship, not financially entwined, have no children - there are better people out there.

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Posted : 7th March 2020 12:09 pm
Lillie
(@lillie)

Thank you all so much for your replies.  

 I am being played with.  I didn’t choose this path and it’s scary reading all the chats on here.  
I agree with your advice...    if I heard my story being told, I to would say run for the hills.  
I love him and it hurts. 

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Posted : 7th March 2020 3:14 pm
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