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How can I find out if my ex was gambling  

 
Byrned
(@byrned)

My husband left us unexpectedly. Friends suggest he may be a gambler as he earned more than me but never had or seemed to spend money at home. He drank a lot. He worked away all though our marriage . He had a letter from a London casino with a membership number. How can I find out the truth?

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Posted : 10th November 2020 4:22 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello @byrned,

Welcome to the GamCare Forum and thank you for sharing your post.

I am sorry you are going through a tough time at present with your husband leaving unexpectedly. From your post I get the impression this all has come as a real shock, understandably. I can only imagine how helpless this might make you feel and I understand you are trying to find answers. It is possible that gambling is behind his departure, however it is difficult for anyone to answer your question without further information.

I would recommend you focus on protecting yourself emotionally and mentally and maybe even get some legal advice around any joint monies and assets.

At GamCare we offer help and support to anyone affected by problem gambling. Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you and your family. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

Keep sharing and posting, whatever happened we are all here to support you.

Regards

Dan

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th November 2020 9:56 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi Byrned what a terrible shock. You will never know for sure. It sounds like he was someone with a separate life. 
The best thing to do is take one day at a time. Keep moving forward. Don’t look back. You are your priority, look after yourself. Make sure all your finances are secure. Do credit checks.

Drinkers and gamblers are addicts. Escaping. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th November 2020 7:22 am
Mickpa
(@mickpa)

I know that this sounds harsh as we, you, are always looking for answers in situations like this as we want to rationalise it and understand it.......but your question is irrelevant and I'll explain why. Unless you get hold of his bank statements and see where cash withdrawals are made you simply can't tell.  It seems like he was devious - but gamblers (me too) always are and he may well have been living a double life. We hide it cleverly and lie and are deceitful as that is what gamblers do. 

You are understandably struggling with the reasons, the background to why he has left, and suddenly. You don't say 'we separated' you say 'he left' so I do understand this must be painful. You also say he left 'us' so I guess there are children involved and that being the case, if you approach CSA for maintenance rather than an informal agreement, you will be able to see what his income really was and from that deduce whether your family were deprived or not.  But you may never know what he was doing with it. You will probably find out some other things about a separate life you knew nothing about so be strong and talk to your friends as it will get easier.  From experience, and I hope I am wrong, there will be another woman involved too. I am sorry for suggestion it as I know it will hurt you and hope it is not true but it is very likely.

Its irrelevant whether he gambled or not except to your peace of mind and I really know how difficult that is.

Good luck and take care.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th November 2020 10:04 am
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