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How am i supposed to keep forgiving?  


My husband has always liked a bet, he just used to do it on a Saturday at the bookies on the football, our problems started when he got the online apps.he swore he would be ok with them and i stupidly beleived him, well its turned into a nightmare, we have had massive rows, i’ve excluded him from certain things, he’s set limits, promised me that it’ll stop and i get up this morning and he’s set up a new one!! We’ve had the talks where i’ve said its ms or the gambling etc where he’s promised to get help but done nothing, he guilt trips me saying he has nithi g to live for, i’d be better off without him etc, thats when he’s not telling me its all my fault, its my fault he does it etc etc, i dont feel i can say anything incase it starts him off but whatever i do i cant seem to win. I care about him but i have zero trust in him, how can you stay with someone when thats gone. We own our own house which was bought with a large deposit from inheritence left to me, stupidly i let it be put in both our names and i dont want to loose the house but now if we split i’d either have to try to buy him out or sell, i just dont know what to do, everything is just such a mess but how many times can you forgive someone before you say thats it, its over.

Posted : 30th August 2020 1:47 pm

If it were me Id get rid and move on! You dont need people like that in your life.

Posted : 30th August 2020 6:57 pm

Scar you are entitled to your opinions of course. But I think that Tilly could do with some advice on what she can do that allows her to make an informed choice about her marriage

Posted : 30th August 2020 7:57 pm

I assume you have come to the forum to ask advice from other gamblers and family members of gamblers. The advice will mostly be for you to look out for yourself first. Any gambler who has not hit bottom is still a gambler and will be escalating his or /her behaviour till breaking point. That is the simple truth of it. You will need to make a decision from that. There are family members of gamblers and I think they have their own meetings on here. Try and hook up with them to get some support. I am sorry for your situation and I can not imagine that this is easy for you in any way but my advice is that you look out for yourself first.

All the best


Posted : 30th August 2020 8:07 pm

Hi Tilly I am a gambler, I know what your husband is going through, I say the same things in my head, that I’m worthless and that people would be better off without me. This is an illness and if I were you I would sit down with him, explain that you are not going to be responsible anymore for his gambling and that if you don’t see proof that he is getting help then you will have to consider moving on. Explain you want to help, talk through the options, really show you are there for him but ONLY if he shows you he wants to still be with you and he chooses you over the gambling. Make it clear, give him real notice that this is the last chance and there are no more left. If I was told that I would do all I could to stop gambling, people react to being given a last chance, if they feel it really is. Good luck



Posted : 30th August 2020 10:44 pm
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