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Helping A Brother  

 
Pursuit of Happiness
(@pursuit-of-happiness)

Hi all 😀 first day joining and first time posting!

As an introduction I personally have never had to deal with gambling before, I have dealt with my own challenges before. Thats why I have joined for support!

I want to be their to support my brother, I have been doing this for years but the issue is my brother will just start up again for no apparent reason, I know their maybe one but he has never opened up about it. The only time he wants to talk about it is when he looks to borrow money (which I have stopped unless its for non gambling) or money to help him pay back debt he has built up.

Last night I spoke to him for nearly two hours when I found out he had spent a large amount again. He only gives one word answers. I did have him agree to sign up to a website to block him gambling (still in process), I have looked at a Sterling account where he has a bank card that he cannot withdraw money an ATM or use online and said he would chat to someone on this site tonight.

 

But I dont know of anyone has any other pieces of advise they can think to have him open up as I believe as soon as he starts talking about it it will help.

 

Thank you very much

Quote
Posted : 31st October 2020 1:28 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi

A  Laudable Aim but you can only help him if he is fully ready to stop and accept that help.

Gambling is above all a drug addiction and its the most dangerous addiction in my book because it can empty life savings in minutes...well seconds really.

I dont know enough here but you will make yourself ill if he is not ready to stop. All you can really do is mention that you should be looking after all of his money and he should be living on an allowance while he seeks help to heal his mind.

The problem is you dont own him and you cant control his mind 24/7. His addiction will fight you and see you as a troublecauser/enemy.

Thats because you have to understand that the addiction controls his mind. Your brother probably wants to change but cant help himself and doesnt really know the strong measures needed to do the cold turkey.

One word answers is a real problem. If you dont live with him thats also a problem with monitoring him.

If your brother was a heavy drinker or smoker you can only mention he should stop...you cant make him until he is ready to reach out for help

Its the same with gambling and the painful thing is watching him destroy himself.

What you can do is stop any lending to him from family and get proactive in trying to stop these sources of borrowing. Its a difficult one though...should his bank know and when will he get angry that you are interfering in his life? The bottom line is warning others..... telling his bank etc could seriously backfire and look like you are just interfering in/trying to ruin his life.

Telling the wrong people could affect his job so do you see the real problem in trying to help someone who isnt ready to stop

He is seen as an adult...gambling is scandalously legal and he needs to be ready himself to follow a full recovery plan.

The problem is that trying to help wont fully help him and thats the major issue. He will just do it again the next time.

Protect yourself first and keep speaking to him. Ring him up and have the tough conversation again and again if you can handle it

Tell him what you plan to do and see how he reacts. Thats how you build on this. He obviously needs help.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 3 weeks ago by Joydivider
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Posted : 2nd November 2020 3:09 am
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