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Help please -let go? Is he showing signs of stopping or heading towards help actually?  


Hi ,

So after a crazy couple of months I told my partner that I don’t want to hear from him unless he is serious about getting help. He then tried his luck of charming me but I didn’t allow him to chat to me without asking specifically what he was doing about it. Then I said a few days later that I don’t want him to contact me until he is actually serious about getting help. A couple of days passed and he tried to call but I missed it as I was in my first gamanon meeting.

he was asleep by the time I returned the call and texted me saying I was right and his behaviour is effected by trading and that it causes him stress and distracts him. (This is after a rocky two months and a lot of arguing down to his gambling effecting him and pushing me away with threats to leave me) he said he would go to GA on Saturday but I know he didn’t go, I can see through BS now more than ever.

im not going to message him but this is really P*****g me off and I don’t have another meeting until Thursday. If he is not ready to get help then I don’t see a future but can me going to gamanon help him see or won’t he just dump me and carry on with his addiction. The thing is if he want so nasty and selfish the. I could maybe handle it a bit longer but this is just a joke or am I being unreasonable since he has admitted that it’s effecting him and he did say “I’m going to try and fix this problem” the thing is I really want to say you can’t fix it, you need to get external help to manage it. He’s trying to run the show and is in denile that his way is disaster!!!! 

I think I just need a rant because I have no idea how he even feels about me anymore. He’s so cold with me and I don’t hear from him as much... he’s still gambling I know that’s why. But I’m starting to think maybe he just doesn’t care about me at all in which case what the hell am I doing? It’s very confusing.

any advice? I’m fully aware I need support etc and am going to gamanon meetings and reaching out but does he sound like someone that wants to stop. I now feel confused because the whole reason I said I had enough was because he chucked me out his house in a rage on Valentine’s Day and told me he doesn’t love me after getting me flowers and balloons and anyway I’m so confused and it’s doing my head in. Help please.

Posted : 23rd February 2020 1:35 am

I am now a non gambler, however for years I was your partner in denial and words mean nothing. It doesn’t mean he does have feelings for you, it is the ADDICTION he has. To get him back (if he wants / you want) he has to realise he has an addiction and wants to stop. 
my mind was changed when reading Allan Carr book - the easy way to stopping gambling - this book addresses an addicted mind.

if he doesn’t want at present then ensure you protect yourself and assets.

Hope things work through!


Posted : 23rd February 2020 6:44 am

Hi Anna 10-20

Its a horrendous addiction because it actually makes the partners need help to see the light and get a support network.

You will see the light though and it will become crystal clear. Its not your fault and you should not have to tolerate it one bit.

I would remove any guilt from your shoulders. Im afraid is as simple as this with a proper recovery. If he wants you around he gets serious help. If the addiction has taken him over and he wont get help he will lose everything actually important to him..

You confront him with the facts that it was and is making your life miserable. If you know his full losses( and you probably wont know the full extent) you confront him with that.

Its a drug addiction and a split mind disorder that deludes him over any control whatsoever. I'm not saying he is inherently bad but I wouldn't live with a problem gambler and I've been one.

This is because I know its sheer power is up there with the worst addictions. Indeed I think its worse because I don't know much else that can clear out life savings in a matter of hours or less

Now we are not relationship counsellors. However we do know gambling destroys relationships for breakfast because the illness doesnt even care about the gambler never mind their partners.

With knowledge and strength you can look at this again. Its no time for blind love and you have some decisions to make.

Those decisions are yours. Nobody can make them for you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum



This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by Joydivider
Posted : 24th February 2020 6:04 am

I think the fact that you feel "confused" means that your being horribly manipulated. Flowers and saying what you want to hear one minute and then rage and chucking you out the house the next... your being played.

I am a compulsive gambler and I wouldn't live with one.

All the best moving forward.

Posted : 25th February 2020 9:35 am

Thank you all for your responses.

Posted : 10th March 2020 12:10 am
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