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Gambling partner in recovery  

 
helen_35
(@helen_35)

Hello everyone, 

I posted here about 3 months ago, but I read every day posts,I find comfort that I am not alone... I am surprised about the fact that there are so many people out there who are affected by this addiction and so many more loved ones,family,friends, partners, my heart goes to each and every one of you...

I would like to share an update about my partner, he is a gambler in recovery. So,he got out of jail, (he made bail),and as soon as he came back home we had a big conversation. Actually, I think it was the first time in 3 years we've been together, that he was honest and open with me. He admitted he is a compulsive gambler, how it all started (since his father passed),how he stole money to gamble, from the company he worked at the time, how his wife kicked him out after this and how he ended up here to start his life again. I listened carefully, I didn't judge and I tried to hide my anger and frustration. I told him I could help him as long as he wants to get help and get over this. He handed over his bank card and all finances, access to emails and everything, pretty willingly, and we put  Bet Blocker on his phone for 5 years. As I said, he was eager to do this stuff,without any pressure. Of course I know I can't trust him, but so far so long (around 2 months) he seems to be doing pretty fine. He says he doesn't want to gamble anymore (online casinos and football bet),he doesn't want to make the same mistakes, he reached the bottom because of his addiction and he doesn't want to end up in jail again. I recommended GA meetings and this forum, but he refused it. He insists he can do this alone. I know, I can't take his word for it,but how he can make a recovery by himself, is that possible?? As I said he is doing great at the moment, he doesn't have any access to place a bet,I believe him when he says he doesn't want to.But am I being naive?? Any thoughts, suggestions on the matter??

Quote
Posted : 1st November 2020 5:06 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi.

No you cant fully trust him but a recovering gambler will not want your trust if they understand what a proper recovery is

You will develop a sixth sense whether he is gambling anything. Any possible source of money you need to develop an awareness of and you need access to his credit report to monitor any loans he may try for.

Living allowances and receipts play a strong role and you have to assume the default position that he may try to gamble a few quid here and there

If he has a network of friends you need to be aware that money can change hands in a borrowing loop.

The addiction is a strong drug addiction and it will work on his daily feelings...tempting him if he is stressed or has had bad news.

If he is truly ready he should feel relief you are helping him and not grumble in any way. Its not about treating him like a baby or wagging an annoyed finger and he should realise that.

A gambling addiction totally destroys people so this is actually about saving his life.

"Alone" is a word the addiction loves. A recovery needs reaching out for help and constantly talking about it.

To heal his mind he needs exercises of talking through a gambling session and talking through his feelings. 

Gambling makes no sense to non gamblers and he will soon see that.  Its good that he comes out of his comfort zone and he should try a GA meetings and this forum because we understand how the addiction changes peoples minds.

I'm sure with your support he will head in the right direction but you can both never be complacent again.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 3 weeks ago 2 times by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd November 2020 2:20 am
helen_35
(@helen_35)

@Joydivider

Thank you for taking the time and writing this,appreciate it.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 3:35 pm
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