Feel like his gambling has ruined our life

Having read through your message this is how gamblers are I'm afraid. 

I went through 6 years of ruining my own life up until July 2019 when I walked through the doors of a rehabilitation house called Gordon Moody. I spend 14 weeks there and it's literally given my life back! I am coming up to 6 months gamble free and can honestly say it's the best thing I have ever done and the past 6 months have been the best feeling since 2013!

Unfortunately unless your boyfriend or ex wants help then this pattern will continue. You are devious, manipulative,  not sociable and lack any empathy towards anyone. Gambling is vicious and controlling. I haven't got children but I lost two relationships over that 6 years cause however much I was trying to fight the problem I only loved one thing and that was the buzz of a bet. 

I ain't trying to scare you but this reality and it's a hidden addiction cause whether or not he says he wants you one minute he will still be gambling or thinking about his next bet. I lost the trust of family but I hadn't lost money of others just my own and more. But if he wants help then Gordon Moodys is the place to go. It's not for the faint hearted. It can be long winded, boring and feel like your their forever but after a few weeks you realise the damage you have caused. I completed the programme and put counter measures in place to give me conscious at ease. Also by completing the programme when you get back home others not only see a difference in you but also you start to build the trust aswell. 

I know it's hard for you with having a new born and having a father to your child that's an addict but if hes at a reasonable temperament and you can talk then suggest the help I have mentioned. Even go on the Gordon Moodys website and show him it. For not only himself but for his child and to maybe build back a relationship with yourself.

Any questions please ask and take care!

Steven

Hi... I am a compulsive gambler.

The thing is, your ex is not only irresponsible to himself, which all compulsive gamblers are, me very much included BUT is also irresponsible towards you and the baby. Think about some of the things he has done, when your deciding the way forward...

1. Spent the families savings on gambling

2. Stolen from you

3. Walked out on you when he discovered that you were pregnant.

These are not the actions of a kind, caring man. These are the actions of a feckless, manipulative man, who can only see the world in terms of himself.

I apologise if this seems a little over the top and it is only based on what you have said yourself but if you allow this man back into your life again, what you describe may just repeat and repeat. You deserve better.

All the best.

P.s Some people are irresponsible whether they are gambling or not.

Hi  Mmorrison. I totally hear what you're saying, have experienced the 'I don't love you' and more. I've been married 21 years next month, so have done the waiting, waiting for him to stop, go to meetings, get help, wake up. 

Stop waiting, start getting help for yourself. Once you start to change your reaction to him things will change. As everyone has said you can't help him until he chooses to stop, but you can show him that you are doing something. Get help from gamcare, call up and talk, find a gamanon meeting in your area. Go online Sunday nights at 8-9 if you can't find a meeting.

this is about you and what you're willing to do, or accept. He's consumed by addiction, he wants to gamble more than anything. It's gone past being about money, it's about escaping from reality, not being emotionally connected. When we get in their way they get angry, spiteful, cause arguments to get an excuse to hide, be alone  and gamble. It becomes habit, their go to. You can't fix him, he has to do it himself. But the whole time we make excuses, hide, keep secrets, we enable them.

draw a line, set boundaries. Stop worrying about him and concentrate on you.

Hi Morrison,

As a compulsive gambler I used to spend every day of my life worrying about how I can keep what I have done from my partner... the amount of money I had lost, where I had been when I was late for something (in the bookies losing money on the machines). 

I can't tell you the amount of times I had thought about leaving my partner. Not because I didn't love her, trust me she is my world. It was because it was the easy way out. I wouldn't have had to face my problems and it would have made my gambling life easier. How sad is that. It sounds to me like your other half is doing the same. 

I didn't leave my partner. February last year I told her everything, and I mean everything. My debts. How much money I would spend. How often I would gamble. Where I would gamble. I had hit rock bottom and I wanted to change, I wanted to be the person I know I am and can be. 

Your other half has to want to stop. If he does then he can get help and be the person you know he really is. Gambling changes us. Changes our mindset and turns us into people we are not. He can call the multi operator service that bans you from all local bookies. Sign up to Gamstop to prevent online gambling. You can take over his finances (you are looking to get a house together!). He should go to a GA meeting. Get access to his credit report. 

You don't deserve the pain he is causing you. As said above you could get help too which could trigger him to do some of the things I've mentioned. If he doesn't want to help himself though the truth is he will never change.

I hope things work out for you,

Dave.