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Mummyof2
(@mummyof2)

Just a rant really. Partner kept wanting me to help him quit gambling and take over finances etc but now i seem to just get accused of ‘spying on his money’. His bank account is in both our names so i can make sure things are all paid etc, as before he’s hidden the fact he can’t afford bills and then left me to scrap money together or ask for other family member’s help to cover rent etc. We have 2 young children to think about and they’re the priority. He wants to spend his money how he wants, now i just feel like giving up and letting him have the bank account in his name and just think of myself and our children. One minute he seems to love me and the next he’s in a mood/distant because he can’t get his gambling fix anymore. He seemed to want to get help, but now I don’t think he actually wants to sort this problem out. Absolutely fed up and been in tears over it today. He accused me of being argumentative/moody when i was only saying i have to look over the account because of what happened previously to make sure everything is paid, seems like he doesn’t appreciate how much i’ve done to try and help him

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Posted : 23rd February 2020 2:17 pm
Sandy1401
(@sandy1401)

Hi 

i am in the same boat, and to be honest I am fed up with being accused of being moany and argumentative when it is really them. 
they seem to turn on us when they cannot get their fix 

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Posted : 23rd February 2020 2:31 pm
Walliss77
(@walliss77)

Hi Mummyof2,

It sounds very difficult being in your situation. Having been asked to help and then being on the end of a childish reaction when you seem to be coming inbetween him and his gambling.

It's very common to feel that you can't do or say anything right when supporting an addict in recovery.

It's likely that until he works on his emotional wellbeing he will either be in action gambling or restless, irritable and discontent whilst fighting urges. 

Control is one of the main character defects for addicts, this makes it very hard to hand over financial control to a partner.

For me recovery has been fixing the things that drive my gambling desire and not just blocking my ability to gamble. 

It's great that you have posted your feelings on here and not let them fester internally.

Kind regards

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Posted : 23rd February 2020 2:44 pm
Simon50
(@simon50)

Hi Mummy... I echo the thoughts of the post above and would like to acknolwedge how hard this must feel for you. Please keep posting here be it a rant or anyhting else and know that you are not alone in your struggle. It sounds like you are doing as much as you can or more, and that's all you can do. The rest is up to your partner. You must look after yourself and your children and put your own mental wellbeing first, wherever that might lead. Be kind to yourself and be confident that you are doing the best you can regardless of his comments back to you. All the best, Simon.

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Posted : 23rd February 2020 3:13 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @mummyof2,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling fed up and that you have cried today, it sounds very difficult for you and your Family at the moment.

Please do keep posting so that our supportive forum community can continue to support you, you may also benefit from joining our new chat room that runs every Wednesday from 7pm until 8pm. It is specifically for the Family and Friends of problem gamblers to access support and to talk to one another.

You can also join an online meeting every Sunday from 8pm until 9pm on the below link, they also have details on their website of meetings that may run in your local area or at places near by that may be suitable for you too attend.

http://gamanon.org.uk/?page_id=30

It may also help to speak to the Citizens Advice for free advice on any financial matters. They can also help with other matters if needed such as debt and legal.

If you would like further support or a free referral making for some counselling to support you further then please call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline via our GamCare website.

Take care.

Kindest regards

Joanne 

Forum Admin

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Posted : 23rd February 2020 3:34 pm
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