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Extremely exhausted

 
Priscilla3639
(@priscilla3639)

I feel that I have come to the end of my journey with my husband. My children are now big, one is going to university and the other is very independent at 15 years and will start college.

The children have kept us together because I didn't want to separate them from their dad but I have became very unhappy and lost my confidence. I never thought that I would end up in this position.

My husband has been gambling for over 25 years. Yes I was very naive, thinking he would change and he never did. At the time, I was much younger than now.

I gave him an alternative last year to get help or I would leave. He got counselling with gamcare then he just stopped saying they were asking too many questions. I didn't take it further because I am just so exhausted. I blame myself that I have let this continue to affect my children and myself.

I turned to his family but they now see me as someone who talks too much and they tell me at very opportunity that he comes from a good family.

He uses the little money he has to gamble whenever he gets the chance.The last straw was when my daughter was seriously ill and admitted in hospital and he took all his salary to gamble. This was devastating.

I believe people can change but he can do this without me as his wife. Whenever  I control his money he gets aggressive to give him more money and I give in. He gets drunk before he confronts me. I have tried almost everything and I can't see how else to help him. I am even on medication just to help me get through each day.

Sorry for writing so much but I am extremely exhausted mentally and physically.

 

 

 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 23rd May 2022 11:09 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear Priscilla3639,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can hear gambling has been affecting your life for many years now. You are not alone going through this, and I hope you can find some support here in our Forum community.

I'm glad you have reached out too for help getting through the days. Your situation does sound exhausting, and please know you do not need to accept any aggression.

I noticed you mentioned your partner having had counselling through Gamcare for a time, is this something you have considered for yourself? If you haven't already, please do get in touch with us. Our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat are both open 24 hours every day, so you can call any time you like, to talk through your options or arrange some more support for yourself.

Warm regards,

Jamie
Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th May 2022 4:17 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@priscilla3639,

Well done for looking after yourself. 
I put my wife through years of lies and empty promises, and although we had some fantastic years, my gambling proved to be too much for her. She looked after herself and the children and started afresh and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Although a few years have now passed and she is remarried, all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. My gambling stopped me being able to be the partner I should have been, but that was on me, not her.

You will probably find your partner will promise anything when you do make a stand, but he has to really want to stop gambling. It’s not about choosing one over the other, but just simply wanting to stop. I couldn’t stop for my children or my wife, but I would have died for them all. The gambling was too strong. It didn’t mean I didn’t love them, of course I did, but I didn’t put in the work needed to help myself.

I imagine that’s the same for him but this isn’t about him, this is about you. Look after yourself.

He can get help. He can go back to gamcare or he can go to Gambler’s Anonymous or to the doctors, but if he does it for you to just keep you happy there’s a good chance he’ll find some reason to not carry on with it. 
Good luck.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th May 2022 7:57 pm
Priscilla3639
(@priscilla3639)

@forum-admin 

Thank you for your advice.

I will consider contacting you as I have going through this on my own. The situation has made me think that the future is not good but I know it would be better on my own. I know that I need to speak to a professional to get a different prospective.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 28th May 2022 5:58 pm
Priscilla3639
(@priscilla3639)

@chris-uk 

Thank you for your response, it really helped me to understand what my husband is thinking.The main problem is he gambles and thinks I do not deserve an explanation.

I was willing to fight for our marriage but I am not the person to make a difference. I can't keep taking all the responsibilities.

I agree that he should want to stop which is something I will tell him.  If only he would be able to talk to me then maybe I would be able to trust him again. 

I am looking after myself so that I can be there for my children.

Thank you once more and I wish you well.

 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 28th May 2022 6:33 pm
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