Is it ever a good idea to give a gambling allowance to a partner? My gut says no, but I also feel like we have tried so many other ways to get him to stop. Essentially, he still wants to gamble. He misses it when he doesn't do it. The urges are still strong. He has done really well to bring the addition from severe & regular, to occasional. Which is great, but he still slips up & the topic of giving him an allowance came up. I suggested it, almost to see his reaction, but it wasn't what I hoped. He was keen on the idea, he promised me I'd be in control. He's given me his card anyway, so I'd have to give him a small amount of cash to gamble with. But I have the feeling it would just tempt him to lie to me about reasons he may need cash. Any thoughts or success/failure stories about allowances?
Hi,
Here's my question,
If your partner was a heroine addict would it be ok to let him see his dealer & get a fix once a week ?. Gambling is a drug, & he's an addict. It's a cancer and if someone has lung cancer you wouldn't allow him 1 packet of cigs a week would you ?. Sorry if I sound harsh but drip feeding an addict solves nothing.
I can see that you're a nice person, trying hard to change things & create a better life, but quite simply the answer to your question is ABSOLUTELY NOT. Compulsive gamblers are masters of disguise, he'll breath out such a sigh of relief if you give in to this suggestion of a gambling allowance. The first step is to concentrate on keeping a roof over your head & distancing yourself from his debts ( His not yours ). Accountability is everything so ask for receipts for everything he says he's spent his money on.
I haven't gambled for over 3 years, but guess what ?. Sometimes I still want to gamble. I didn't get this far on a gambling allowance, I got this far by by adhering to strict financial restraint, being answerable for every penny spent & handing over financial control to my partner. Don't be naive, never take your eye off the ball & be prepared to be tough. Tough love is actually kindness to someone who can't stop. Whatever your situation is right now things will get so much worse if you allow a gambling allowance.
Giving a CG another chance is an allowance in itself, but the rules have to be set in stone. Gamblers aren't necessarily bad people, they're simply addicts who can't stop chasing losses incurred by gambling & who can't stop convincing themselves they'll win it all back by continue to wager. Please get to grips with the challenge you face & ask yourself " Are You Ready " for this, can you handle it ?.
Best Wishes
Al
Be very careful, I have had a gambling problem for over 20 years. Encouraging gambling even through pocket money is a bad idea. What I have learnt is if it’s a problem it’s best stopped. Even thou you have his card he can get access to money else where. Problem gamblers will go to any lengths to get there next bet. I have stopped and started so many times and every time it ends worse. Be Gamble free and be free.
No - never ever. Do you know what the problem with a CG is?.....Winning!! Then the cycle repeats.
Say they had an allowance of £*** and won £*** and turned that into say £***. I can assure you that would only be used for further gambling stakes. Being a CG ultimately they will lose all the money at some point, no doubt. Then in a CG's mind they will have lost £***, not £*** and want the £*** back and do everything they can to re-coup the loss and then the problems start.
I am speaking from experience. I have tried this, but never once did it work, because I always reverted to 'type' at some point along the gambling path and from what I have seen on here, so have many many others.
Thank you all for taking your time to reply, I do really appreciate it. And, I also totally agree with you all too. I think I just needed to hear it from people who have been through it, and confirm my gut feeling that it is a really bad idea!!
There will be no gambling allowance in this family, I am not going to sit and watch him "enjoy" planning his bets, and then go through the emotional roller coaster of losing it all. He's already said anything he wins would go straight back on the gambling, so why would he stick to the budget anyway? He will clearly just seek out other sources of money to place bets.
Thank you all.
No never a good idea to give a gambling allowance for all the reasons others have described.
It also means that the gambler doesn't have to take responsibility... its like giving a child pocket money. Your not his mother your his partner and he's an adult supposedly.
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