Hi all
I discovered My partner of 4 years has been a problem gambler last year. I never knew as he was always very good at hiding it until his debts grew out of control. He has been seeking help and gambling less and paying off his debts. This week I found out he was still gambling every few days when I thought he had not been at all recently. I don’t know my own head anymore and don’t know if I should leave him or keep giving him chances. It breaks my heart that he is still covering up his gambling.
Hi sunflower
in my opinion if someone has a gambling problem you can't control it. You can't gamble less because you can't stop. To 'recover' you have to stop completely.
Addiction is all about secrets and lies.
get some help and support from either gamcare or gamanon. There are online meetings all anonymous.
Welcome to the Forum Sunflower,
I am really sorry to hear what you are going through; this is understandably a worrying time for you. We understand some of the challenges you are facing, from wanting to provide the love and support to your partner but also feeling that no matter how much you are giving that the situation with your partner is not getting any better.
As a service we support both those with a gambling addiction as well as the friends and family of those with the addiction. Sometimes just being able to talk to someone about what you are going through can help to clarify your thoughts. We would recommend you call one of our Adviser on 0808 8020 133 or talk to us via our NetLine. You have been giving so much to support your partner, but we would like to ensure you are supported too. Your well-being is just as important to us and we don’t want you to feel you need to go through this alone.
Kind regards
ChrisK
Forum Admin
Hi Sunflower05 and welcome to the forum
What you do is take a deep breath and start to gather knowledge and support. You need to start looking at this addiction as a drug addiction
Its not a case of letting him gamble less because it doesnt actually work that way. Its not a case of having an easy life by thinking he is paying down the debts but still gambling
A gambling addict has no control over their own minds when it comes to gambling. Its an illness just like the other substance abuses. Are you ready to find out what this is really all about? He escapes with it and the body becomes hooked on it
Your life will be riding on red or black and thats no way to live. Im not saying he is inherently bad or doing it with an evil laugh to hurt you. I am saying he has no control of an addiction which doesnt care about him never mind you.
Ive been a gambler and Iwould NOT live with one that wasn't in full recovery with ALL money controlled by me
its not a case of saying ok love I will gamble less and pay down the debts. Its a complex and dangerous habit and addiction.
You need to protect yourself financially and if safe to do so he needs reality checks that gambling is not acceptable to you.
You cant be a shrinking violet over this. You will have no security of any quality of life and debts go hand in hand with any gambling behaviour
A support network of family friends and professional advisors will be of great help to you
You have some decisions to make...call the help numbers and start learning about this addiction and what help the gambler should be seeking
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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