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Do I leave him?  

 
Anonymousl27
(@anonymousl27)

Hi, 

I'm sure this is a recurring subject on here but I am desperately seeking advice from anyone who has had a similar situation. 

I have been with my fiance for 10 years now and he has always been a gambler, it got really bad a few years ago where he was in overdrafts etc we then paid these off after I found out. 

 Over the past few months he seems to be constantly watching horse racing on his phone and on TV. So I decided to to through his phone as he became so defensive and would even take his phone with him from living room to kitchen, which I imagine is incase I seen anything. I know it was wrong to go through his phone but I just felt so anxious all the time and paranoid (like I was going a bit mad). My suspicions were right he is gambling again, worse than last time. When I confronted him he is making more of an issue of the invasion of privacy than addressing the gambling. We have a 2 year old son and I need to do what is best for him. I have asked my fiance to leave today as I cannot go through my life everyday worrying about his gambling addiction and the constant lies and no trust. 

I am devastated as I do not want this for myself or my son but now I see no other option. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Is my son and I better off or should I let fiance come home? I don't know what to do for the best anymore ?

 

Quote
Posted : 30th August 2020 3:43 pm
Tinamarie12
(@tinamarie12)

Hello Anonymous I felt touched by your story. I’m a gambler and I have decided to open up to my partner at the cost of our relationship. A relationship that was loving and provided all I ever wanted from a man.  When I gamble I’m a different person, it is completely detached from My relationship, I don’t mean to lie or be deceitful, it’s a mental illness that has taken hold and made me into the person that I have become, I need help and support. I want to pray that when I open up my partner may stand by me after all of the terrible things I have done for gambling. I guess what I’m saying is could you look to support your him, get him to open up, explain that you think you may understand. I’m not saying put up with it, I’m saying reach out and help him if you love him, if he doesn’t let you then it’s obvious that he’s not feeling the support that you are trying to give. Best of luck

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th August 2020 10:35 pm
Gamblerswife1789
(@gamblerswife1789)

Hey, I am in the same boat as you. I have a 1 year old and don't know what to do for the best for my family. 

I have contacted gamcare to arrange some counselling maybe that can help you too. 

My husband told me 4 months ago, I supported him though it all, now really struggling myself. It's a hard journey. 

My love for my husband is telling me to stay, listen to your heart. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st September 2020 11:03 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi no one can say, stay or leave that is your decision. We all need boundaries and if yours have been crossed do not go back on them. 
What you can do is, get credit reports, safe guard your finances, talk to gamcare, research gambling addiction, research enabling, look at gamanon.

Accusing you of invading his privacy is a smoke screen, a distraction from the real issue.

If he shows you he’s willing to give up gambling and seek help, that’s up to you whether you want to try again. 
Living with a gambler is hell and you have to make sure all bills are paid. His debts are last on your list of payments. He has to sort out the debts, don’t help him financially.

We all have to realise addiction is forever. We can’t help an addict, they have to seek help themselves. We can’t take responsibility away from them. 
We can offer emotional support, manage money.

Making life comfortable or normal for an addict allows them to continue.
This is about what you want, don’t feel guilty for not accepting this behaviour.

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st September 2020 1:25 pm
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