HI everyone, Ive posted on here several times all about different aspects of my sons gambling and Ive just had another bit thrown in. I was quite calm and relaxed this morning but have just been told by the debt charity he has his debt management plan with that hes failed to pay this months instalment. When it was set up he asked me to help him, actually did it for him, how stupid is that, and it was set up so I had access to it and so they could speak to me. Leading up to the plan being in place he had endless threats of court action and, debt collection agencys, he hid from it all while I worried myself sick over it. When he got these debts it was all using our address and phone number so anyone looking for him would come here not to his flat. He hid from it all, I got the phone calls from these companies demanding money, one actually called me a stupid lying ***** when I said he wasnt here, that was one of the pay day lending type companies hes got so many with. A lot of these companies were calling many times every day, I counted one day 20 times from the same people, thats not an exageration, and he owed that company £40 at the time, of course its way more than that now as theyve been adding interest. After that we changed our number and its now ex directory so they cant get it, hopefully.My question is what happens now, is it back to square one and the letters start again, - theres a letter came this morning for him from one of these companies and I guessing its not good. My husband says if a debt collector turns up give them his address, the debt charity tell me not to do that, he owes 10 different companies money. We are doing the tough love and Ive been feeling more positive than I have for a very long time, some wobbles of self doubt but generally much more positive and now this. I dont know what to do and am scared that some stranger is going to come to my door demanding money.
All I can say is that if you are not guarantor to his debts, you have no liability, so do not pay anything.
I would want clarification of why the debt charity doesn't want you to tell the debt collectors where your son is, after all, he is the one that is owing money. I have no experience in this at all, but I would assume that the debt charity would be trying to contact your son?
I think that you need to contact the debt charity and ask them what is likely to happen. Perhaps other posters could help you with their personal experience.
As always, best wishes and try to stay calm.
Ive spoken to the debt charity and have taken my name and address off his contact details and told them to send any post to his flat. They said not to tell these companies where he is because its intimidation tactics and theyre not allowed to do that. He has a few days in which to make a payment to catch up and if he misses 3 payments the plan is cancelled and the people he owes money to can take him to court or use debt collection agencies to get their money back. Our address is the one he used to get the loans its where anybody is going to come unless he tells them other wise, hes never going to do that. We are not guarantors on any of his debt but he has tried to do that . He is a student and this was his home he used to come home every weekend but hasnt done so consistently for a long time.Hes a coward he runs away from it all leaving us to pick up the pieces, I felt sorry for him thinking hes a scared lad. Ive been incredibly stupid thinking I was helping him, the day he asked me to help him he sat in tears begging for help and like a fool I fell for it and did my Mum thing and stepped in. He really has no conscience and has proven over and over again that he doesnt give a dam about anyone but himself. It still find it hard to understand how someone you love so much can treat us like this, we brought him up well, hes loved and cared for and knows right from wrong, exactly the same as his brother. I dont think Im ever going to understand. Just when I was starting to feel stronger and more positive and got the first taste of a normality weve had in a very long time as usual he comes a long and stamps all over it. Stuff what the debt charity say if a debt collector turns up here Im giving them his address, he shares a house with a lot of people including the owner and he'd have to face them knowing and explain himself, maybe its the shock he needs. Im doing my best to stay calm but Im so angry and upset I cant ever see this ending. Thanks for your support wal1957
Any letters should be forwarded to the company dealing with the debts. Any phone calls should be given the debt charities phone number & the arrangement plan number for them to deal with the creditors directly. Thats the whole point of debt management companies. They deal with it not you. Are you with a reputable one?
Hi [email protected], yes my son is with a great company, its free and they have been excellent .They have told us what to expect, starting with missed payments letters then after so many they have to send you a default notice which all have done. They also said that some would possibly get intimidating and try to scare us with threats of debt collectors or court and they tend to be the pay day loan type companies and they have been right. However a bank he owes money to say they are going to take him to court, and i can see why he owes them a lot of money he only ever made 1 payment to them. Most companies go along with the plan as they do get their money eventually but they dont have to they can still send the debt collectors or take you to court, and it looks like some are going to. They told us to ignore letters of intimidation and not to send any to them, and if we got any calls to give them the arrangement plan number as you said, we changed our number a while ago so havent had to do that. I was happy to help him with this and to be honest hes not had to deal with any of it, he literally runs away and hides from it all, hes only made one payment to the plan. The dmp company are being very good and really do want to help him but he wont answer any calls from them nor emails so they asked me to try and and as usual he ignores me too. Im not sure what I'll do if a debt collector turns up, I would like to think I would do what you suggest and give them a phone number and reference number but i must admit Im very tempted to tell them where he lives, hes left a lot of mess behind and left me to deal with it and its maybe time he faces up to what hes done. Thank you very much for your advice
Consumer Action Group is really good for debts.
I did the 'head in the sand' trick about 6 years ago and never paid a penny back. Not the best way to approach if you suffer from nerves but most DCA's won't take you to court and don't have any authority to send bayliffs round.
Whatever you do, don't be intimidated by them, there is little they can do than harm his credit which is probably in pieces anyway.
A gambler without access to credit is not always a bad thing either, luckily my wife has good credit and has pulled us through in the past so appreciate everyone has different situations.
But back to my original point, don't feel bullied or intimidated, that's how they operate.
I would call stepchange and ask them, they've been great when ever I needed advice. There is also stuff about mis-selling of payday loans on money saving expert website. Debt camel are another site. As already said they work on the premise of fear, it's their problem lending to someone without checking their finances first. They may send 'bailiffs' who turn up at unusual hours. I wouldn't answer the door. As advised give them the number of debt management. As for your son it sounds like he's desperate and been unable to seek help for addiction. Can you get some support from finding a gamanon meeting? They are online Sunday night 8-9. Gamcare should also be able to advise you.
Hi, it’s probably best to scribble out the address and write no longer at this address and pop it back in the post box. As long as you keep receiving the mail they’ll keep sending it.
Might be worth checking if the money he borrowed was done lawfully ie they did affordability checks etc. If the debts have been sold on he can start something called the 3 letter process (google that) if they’ve been sold on which I’m guessing some have he can contest them. That being said he needs to sort this himself, by the sounds of it he’s got his head buried in the sand hoping this all goes away?
I have experience of this as a bankrupt and a credit controller.
There is no point hiding his address and he should face this because they cant make him pay more than he can afford.
I ran from it once and they abused my mother over the phone which I am now ashamed about. I was scared but I had nothing really to be scared about.
My parents and I thought that hiding was an option but all they got was vile abuse on the phone and they found me eventually anyway. When they did come direct to me I was declared bankrupt but life goes on and its not the end of the world.
A key point is they get rude on the phone but try and stay strong and calm. They get abusive because they know they cant instantly do much even if they did contact your son. However your son should not be avoiding it so you get the phonecalls.
My mother used to cry where I would have been extremely tough on the phone...that still upsets me to this day but I was confused at the time
I got terible advice beforehand and come from a family that are terrified of being in debt so I got poor advice about facing it
I should have faced it and realise that I would never have been scared of debt collectors essentially you give as good as you get until the paperwork is clear that they would only get a pound a month during bankruptcy
What is way more important is the mental heath of my family and myself. debts need to be faced because they can only follow the rules of the law when collecting them. High debts will be written off so worrying about it too much is pointless.
So I would say to everyone...deep breaths and it has to go to court before bailiffs can worry anyone....even then its only a last resort in the minority of cases as they will realise that the debtor hasnt anything to cover the debts with.