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Daughter gambling and stealing  

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Joydivider
(@joydivider)

That can be a stressful situation because she fears that she may lose the new partner. In a way I would have hoped that a new partner was not on the scene so soon but she has a life to lead

However Honesty and Openness are KEY with this addiction. My view is that the new partner told in the correct way will help the relationship rather than harm it.

I have had such a born again moment that I would tell my partners that Im a good person but just to keep an eye on me and I monitor myself for a weakness or addiction I had for slot machines.

I suppose the fear is that if the relationship ends she would blame the advisors who said it was good to be honest. However that would be wrong thinking because the information is for the protection of them both.

If he sees the qualities in your daughter it would be about delicately wording that an issue has been recognised and is being dealt with. If she cares about him he needs to know. I know the power of the addiction, the recovery needed and that money is very important for living whether we like that or not

Its not an easy situation though and they may think we are interfering. I dont know everything about your realtionships so these are decisions for you and your daughter to make

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 31st May 2020 9:22 pm
Joe-90
(@joe-90)

You are right, she does need to come clean to the person, maybe not on the first date but if its getting serious they have a right to know. In fact they can be a big help and it really add to the bond of a relationships as she has trusted them with something like this. 

Its also unhealthy for us compulsive gamblers to lie, its the life blood of any addiction and your right to see it as a minor alarm. Now you are learning more about addiction you will be more aware of things like this that went unnoticed before. It also shows that although you want to trust your daughter, you know you can't. Again you are right not to. I am a compulsive gambler and I know my partner does not trust me, nor should she. Although I am over a year bet free, I know from my previous relapses and from my GA meetings that I am the same distance away as anyone from the next bet and that to prevent this I should never get complacent about it. 

It is very hard for parents as they want to guide their children but unfortunately you can only show them the path, its up to them toe really want to change. You have done the right thing by educating yourself on the matter which means you are somewhat armed to deal with the issue. No more bail outs regardless of the consequences, make sure she knows this is the case and follow through on it, you should have full access to everything, emails, credit history, etc to avoid the lies etc. None of this is easy of course but if she really works on her recovery she can change, I wish you and your family all the best.

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Posted : 2nd June 2020 12:21 am
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