i have been with My partner only around 15 months, and have just Found out he has a problem, I was aware he was spending money online on a game ( I sat gambling problem as he’d trade real cash for coins on a game and be betting) a few months back but always excused it as a one off and recently found out that’s lots of things he’d tell me where lies e.g putting money in for petrol and ‘bank charges’ but on Sunday I found out he had taken a loan out, he told me £300 then later admitted it was £800 I begged and pleaded and he cried with me and agreed to get help. The Next morning I was checking my bank account and he had used my card to spend more money online. This man is the love of my life he lives with me and we were meant to be starting a family together. I just worry I’ll never be able to get over such a big betrayal and also worry it’ll get worse
Hi Help Needed,
Right now I suggest that you focus on protecting your finances. The hurt and betrayal were for me the worst thing about my partners gambling problem however at a Gam Anon meeting it was suggested to not contemplate the "big" decisions until I was in a better state of mind. Being able to cope with living with a compulsive gambler and offer any support that is appropriate has been much easier now that I focus on me. Try get to a Gam Anon meeting or get support via this website as this will help you to figure out how best to approach talking to your partner about his problem and he to navigate the lies and broken promises that can go hand in hand with addiction.
I'm really sorry to hear that, maybe going forward keep your money to yourself? It's not easy when you love a gambler because u think you can help them but they can only help themselves. I too am in the same position but my partner is not trusted to use my card. I get scared even if I let him go to the shop for me as I can't trust he won't nip into the bookies. I can't help your situation because I too am seeking help to understand I guess. But here if u want to chat
I’m also the partner of an ex gambler (almost one year with no gambling).
Take control of finances - no letting him spend on your card, change pin etc. But also if he wants serious help, take control of his finances too and get him to sign up to gamstop, counselling and any other help - but he needs to also want it.
It’s not an easy road and a year on I still have trust issues but reassurance from him and also checking phone (not nice but necessary initially, especially in the early days of not gambling) it can be done.
Also get help for yourself too and maybe see if there’s a group or your own counselling to help you through the initial shock, I know the feeling too well and it’s really horrendous.
I really wish you well x
i have known about my partners problem for over 3 years now and it is still ongoing.
What I want to tell you is not to give an ultimatum unless you really mean it. I must have made this mistake so many times now. He has moved out and ended up coming back several times now. He moved out last September until December promises he won’t do it again yet he still continues. The lies continue which I find the hardest part never mind the crippling debts, not being able to afford things, the gamblers mood swings etc.
Please dont give an ultimatum unless you can go through with it. We have been together nearly 14 years and have 3 children together.