Hi, I’m new here and was told these forums might help me.
my boyfriend of 3 years has a gambling problem and has done for around 10 years. Only over the past year and a half have I really understood the problem of it and what it’s doing to our lives. We’ve had to move out of our home and into my parents because he couldn’t afford the house. He doesn’t acknowledge he has a problem and constantly says he has it under control when in reality he spends his whole wages 3 days into the month and then borrows off family members. I’ve borrowed and helped him in the past but recently I’ve started to say no, and I feel awful. I feel like the worst person in the absolute world. I feel like I’m destroying him and I can see how stressed and down he is because of his debts but I don’t know what else to do. Giving him the money is only enabling him to gamble, but not giving him the money he says I’m the most unsupportive person and is now resulting in him wanting us to end. I don’t know whether I’m looking for advice or just for someone to tell me what the right thing to do is. He constantly says he won’t gamble again but it just keeps happening.
Hi Sarah,
Welcome to the forum. This is a really good place to get help and support.
I'm sorry you've been going through such a tough time. It must have been really hard to leave your home.
It sounds like your boyfriend does have a serious gambling problem. You are right not to give him any more of your money because yes, it is enabling him. Whatever you decide to do about the relationship you must protect your own finances.
Your boyfriend needs to want to stop gambling and he needs to be ready to admit he has a problem. You could suggest he takes a look on here or looks into local GA meetings, but the desire to stop must come from him, or he won't be fully committed to seeing it through.
There are friends and family chat rooms on here and you can also ring the advisors to talk things through. It can be really hard living with a gambling addict. Do you have a trusted friend or family member that you can confide in?
Take care of yourself.
J x
I’ve been your boyfriend and my girlfriend of 3 years has access to my bank at all times with notifications on so if I even attempt a mild slip up my money is removed from my account in a second.
with gambling it is very much in the moment and all you need is time to think and reflect on your decision, once money has left my account I’m then left for a couple hours where I will get over wanting to gamble and will talk through it with her so the desire to gamble goes.
Previously all my money was in her account when my habits was really aggressive and she had to look after my money for months and I got money daily for food and it was what I needed and she checked what I spent it on to make sure it went on food.
he needs to find fun ways to spend his time, go to the gym when he’s stressed.
save money so he feels safe but have fun with the money he’s not spending on gambling so he isn’t frustrated with the situation and thinks it’s boring.
good luck with it and I hope he heals soon!
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