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Boyfriend gambling what do I do?  

 
Bossy22
(@bossy22)

Hey guys,

First time posting here just looking for some advice cause at the moment I just don't know what to do. I've been with my SO for quite a few years now and have never noticed anything. However out the blue last week he told me that he has a problem with online slots and that he can't stop this is so abnormal as he's always been great with his money. He says he's not using lots of money but I want to be able to help him so it doesn't become worse and he ends up losing more money. I just don't know what I can do to help, what's the best way I can help without making it worse?

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Posted : 4th April 2019 12:47 pm
Rams
 Rams
(@rams)

Hey, if you think it is damaging both of your lives you should talk to him about stopping.

Gambling blocking software can be bought for £10 a year and used on a few devices. It’s a great barrier to stop gambling.

Going to Gamblers anonymous meetings to talk about how he is feeling and his gambling habits will help. If he his young and can get off the gambling now he will have a good life. If it continues it will be a difficult road a head.

I hope this helps.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th April 2019 6:58 pm
Lethe
(@lethe)

He can stop. The question is whether he wants to or whether he just wants to stop losing. If he genuinely wants to stop there are various measures he can take which will eliminate his access to cash and gambling with almost immediate effect. There are GA meetings. There's free counselling from Gamcare. If he doesn't want to stop there's nothing you can do to make him and nothing you can do to help him.

Protect your own finances and sever any financial connection you have with him. Don't bail him out if he's run up debt and don't take on debt on his behalf. Look after you.

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Posted : 4th April 2019 8:44 pm
urgh
 urgh
(@urgh)

I hope he is very early in his gambling, gambling behaviour when ingrained becomes very hard to stop. 

First things first he has to want to stop, and secondly he needs to be open, it is great he has been able to tell you. 

I think he is aware he has a problem, but maybe a part of him still wants to gamble, and I fear he has not had enough pain and suffering yet to bring him to the stage of committing to beating this addiction.

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Posted : 14th April 2019 11:15 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi  B22,You have made a good decision to come on the forum.

The first thing you need to start learning about is the power of a gambling addiction and what it is capable of. Then Im sorry to say you must protect your own position regarding money and the roof over your head.

Then you can help him from a position of strength and knowledge. Its no lightweight problem and a gambling addiction will eat through money faster than anything.

It doesnt mean your partner is a bad person. It does mean that they have no control and its a problem that only gets worse until a full recovery is started. 

There is no shame admitting he has a problem and there is no shame telling him that gambling is not acceptable to you. My best advice is that its no time to be a shrinking violet. He needs your strength and your direction in life.

A gambling addiction is an illness.Yes I said that...its an illness and it works in the same way as a drug addiction. Are you ready to handle those facts. Is he ready to stop?

You can help but there is no room for complacency. The mind heals with a full recovery but he will need to be living on a strict allowance and you will need to control the finances.

I wish you all the very best

This post was modified 3 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 16th April 2019 2:20 am
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