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Boyfriend gambler  

 
Katieh
(@katieh)

Hi all,

My partner is addicted to gambling. I found out about this about 2 years ago. He told me he had over ВЈ10k worth of debt. I worked with him to clear it... He got help and was doing well.. Long story short, we split up... He went back to his old ways and has gambled over £10k again in less than 6 months. We are back together and it's early days. We currently live 4 hours away from each other so don't see each other often.

I don't know how I can support him. He is a single dad to his son so finda it difficult to attend group sessions, he has tried to do it on willpower but ends up gambling. He has blocked himself from all bookies in his county but he goes on his phone. He has asked me to take access to his bank so he doesn't have money... Ive done that but he then created more bank accounts without telling me to apply for loans ans credit cards.

I feel helpless. I want him to move in with me but I own my house. At the moment I can't risk him moving him as I'm worried he will gamble all our money again like before.

What has worked for others? What can I do to support?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Quote
Posted : 8th December 2018 10:59 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi Katie, I'm sorry to see you here. You have made the same mistakes that we all do when we don't understand what a compulsive gambler means. The first thing is to not pay their debts, no help. If you do it gives them a clean slate to start again, get more credit. The other thing you need to do is secure your finances. If you do choose to let him live with you I would recommend a legal document being drawn up stating that he has no claim on your house. Don't think he will get better and this will all go away, it won't. They are always a compulsive gambler, they can only arrest the addiction. Find a gamanon meeting. Learn as much as you can about addiction. Don't be manipulated. Compulsive gamblers are compulsive liars. If you bf can't pay his debts he should contact stepchange.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th December 2018 5:03 pm
Lethe
(@lethe)

If he really wants to quite he can get the support he needs from GA. Being a single parent isn't a get out clause. If he wanted to attend he could book a babysitting service. He gambles on his phone. Registering with Gamstop will go a long way to preventing that but he hasn't taken the steps even to find out what might help. Save your energy for yourself. You can't support or help him until he wants it.

Personally I wouldn't be looking to move an active gambler into my house ever. If he won't stop he will drag you ever deeper into the nightmare.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th December 2018 8:49 pm
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