Blindsided

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(@cmu285)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

Hi

I'm here because I've just been completely blindsided by my partner's admission he has a gambling addiction. I'm ashamed to say I haven't handled it very well. We have been together for 4 years and our relationship has not been without hurdles. I have a child of my own who I have brought up on my own for 11 years. When I met my partner, it was a huge deal to introduce him to my son but after a year I comfortable enough to do this. He has 2 children (now age 5 and 12) who I adore and love as my own. I bought my property 10 years ago and over the past couple of years we decided we needed to move to a larger property to accomodate our new family. Over the past few weeks we have been taking steps to arrange appointments with mortgage advisors to achieve our dream of a home which would suit our family. This evening my partner has admitted he has a gambling problem. I knew he gambled occasionally but had no idea of the extent of his issues. I'm so angry and can't get past the fact he has lied to me and broken my trust. The only reason he has admitted the issue is because we had to provide our bank statements to the mortgage advisor. I'm devastated that everything I thought we shared about wanting a new home for our family was a lie and don't know how I can help when I feel so angry with his betrayal. 

He's told me he has found a local GA meeting to attend, I know he is trying to address his issue but I'm so angry I don't feel like I can support him. Is this normal? I feel like a terrible person and I'm sure this sounds selfish but I feel he's let not only me down but the kids as well.

Any advise would be really appreciated.

 

Thanks in advance 

 
Posted : 24th June 2019 10:59 pm
(@sarah1976)
Posts: 85
 

Hi

 

i am a cg and you are not a terrible person.  You have been lied to and you can be angry about that.  Your life goals have been put on hold while this revelation unfolds.

 

It’s actually good to be angry.  If you are too calm and to understanding he may take this as your acceptance of this habit of that could enable him.

 

What you need is an understanding and clarification as to the extent of the problem You need him to be completely honest now as it is the only way forward and whilst he has told you everything because he has to please look at this as a positive.  You now know the truth.

 

The fact that he wants to go to GA is great but what is his vice.  There are other things that can help him to Beat this addiction. He can’t install Gamstop on his computer or mobile devices this will help with restricting his online access. He can look to exclude himself from gambling establishments if that is his downfall.

 

 You need to know that he is serious about wanting to stop this and actually that he is relieved that he has had to tell you rather than he has been forced to tell you and therefore will not take responsibility.  he needs to  earn your trust and if he is willing to do that then obviously the decision is up to you. 

 

 No one on here will judge you as we have all had to tell our loved ones which has been incredibly difficult for us but equally we have had a number of people with a number of reactions some people have been understanding but maybe to understanding others have left their partner because they do not want their life infected by gambling. Again I stress there is no judgment on here and any decision you take for you and your family is up to you and everyone on here will understand. Can your partner join this forum and perhaps get some advice and speak to other gamblers so he knows he is not alone and find strength from people on here to help him through his next phase.

 

sarah x

 
Posted : 25th June 2019 3:16 pm
(@cmu285)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

Hi Sarah

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate your time and insight. I haven't been able to speak to him yet, we are currently not speaking although living in the same home which is difficult. Your suggestions are really helpful and I can use what you have said to at least start the conversation with him. 

I don't know much about the issue as I took it personally that our future wasn't enough to stop him from gambling. I know that his problems are online gambling but no more specific than that.

Thanks again for the reply, it truly has helped and I've now got a starting point. I've got a long way to go before I can make any big decisions but at least I can now try and make a start on getting all the information.

Thanks again, I am eternally grateful and feel a little less lost now x

 
Posted : 25th June 2019 11:25 pm

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