So its been a year .
I knew he had to make himself stop but we met in the middle, closed several accounts and put daily deposit limits on the ones still there.
He barley gambled.
The last 2 weeks have been awful, tonight alone he has eaily put in over £200. (That i know of)
Hes short tempered again, withdrawn.
Its just all gone to s**t after doing do well.
Hi Cat30 and welcome.
I know its not your fault that he gambles but unfortunately "meeting in the middle" is not an option for an easy life.
It never was with a gambling addiction and all it means is he is still having his cake and eating it.
Its a not an addiction that a gamber can just calm down on. I wish it was and I wish it was easy for everybody to just calm down and stop.
However it doesnt work like that. The hook gets into the bones and any gaps are not the true test of control. he must abstain as you can assume he has no control and cannot be left to his own devices.
A gambling addiction is a drug addiction so meeting in the middle is like saying to an alcoholic or heavy smoker to meet in the middle...doesnt work
Once a gambler has a taste for it all control continues to be lost. I could never have eased my gambling as I would just have lost everything and kept seeking out other money secretly...it would have kept the gambling feeling alive and given me the green light that it was still ok to lie and pretend everything was ok
I had to abstain completely for my mind to heal...gambling is not for me but its a toxic destructive vice whichever way you look at it.
Its a highly dangerous addiction...the worst one in my book.
Im afraid he needs carefully worded ultimatums that you wont be meeting him in the middle because obviously it doesnt work. You can see the reality...gambling is a mugs game and mainly a tax on the less well off. He is ignoring the odds because nobody is handing out free money...all the risk is effectively with him and you can see the depressing results.
My best advice is you protect yourself as you can only help him from a position of knowledge and strength. You now need to move to a new level of understanding with strong foundations or you will simply have no security or quality of life. You cant rely on what he says...you need to be proactive in ensuring you know where all the finances are under your control and a sixth sense to know what he is up to.
It can be done if he seeks all the help he needs but you can both never be complacent again
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Welcome to the Forum Cat30
I am sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worst as this must be a really difficult situation to find yourself in again.
You have been supportive and you previously met him in the middle, but now this approach hasn’t worked and you have found yourself on the end of him being short tempered and withdrawn, which you don’t deserve. There is also the real concern over the level of money that he is gambling and the long term impact that may have on you both.
It does sound like he may benefit from some support to prevent the situation from escalating any further, but at this time judging from his reaction to you, I’m not sure whether he is ready to take that step.
Under such circumstances it’s really important that you look to start doing what is best for you. I therefore wondered what support you have at this difficult time?
As well as supporting those with a gambling addiction our services also support those affected by a gambling addiction. Sometimes just having someone who understands what you are going through can help. So I would recommend giving one of our friendly advisers a call on 0808 8020 133 a call, or you can talk to us via our Webchat here if you’d prefer: NetLine
We also ran a chat room for family and friends too that you may find helpful as it would give you the opportunity to talk to others who are going through a similar situation to you. It takes place on Monday mornings at 11.30 and you can access it here: Chatroom
Do keep posting Cat and keep us updated on how things are going for you, because your thoughts and feelings are important too.
Kind regards
ChrisK
Forum Admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
