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Anyone got any ideas?!  

 
Igatti8
(@igatti8)

Hello,

I have posted before, probably back in July when my husbands gambling came to a head and I found out how bad an addiction he has. I am not sure how long he has had it for as he has at times been able to have some money but this last year in particular he hasn’t been able to hold on to any money without gambling it.
In July though he went 4 months (until November) not gambling, or so he says. I have had to repay a loan shark and have had next to no financial support from him all year. This last month he has gambled all of his part time wage and then sold his bike, to give me the money but obviously didn’t and gambled it.
 
Then Friday I had a new credit card arrive he opened it and tried to take money from it. He says he knows he needs ‘more help’ he currently attends GA weekly.

He had private therapy from January- March then again July- September. Would he be suitable for inpatient/outpatient stay or is it for people more severely addicted? He doesn’t want to do inpatient rehab, but he needs to do something or he’ll end up losing me and the kids.

ive tried to encourage him back into work as he was at a job he didn’t like for 10 years but still went, then went to uni and quit almost before the end and now he’s had a few normal jobs in between but left for one reason or another. He has no job atm, says he doesn’t want to work and that’s why he gambles but I have said you can’t think like this it isn’t fair on me.

He is also on 2 antidepressants for chronic depression. I just feel so alone, I can’t talk to my family about it as they dislike him enough for things he’s done previously. I cannot trust him one single bit he lies about everything and even if I say I won’t get mad I just need to know the thruth? He will lie to my face about 6 times until he will finally say, just like when I knew he tried to use my credit card. 

what do you guys do, how do we get through this? I don’t want to leave him just yet I want to try and support him but  I do not want to enable him.

today I’ve cut up my other credit card that I cannot freeze online and cancelled the new one. My bank info I’ve changed the pin and online answers (not sure he knew these though) and my bank card is permanently frozen unless I need to unfreeze it to use. 

sorry for the long post. 

 

Quote
Posted : 26th November 2019 1:24 am
Ade6782
(@ade6782)

I haven’t got any ideas tbh but I’ve just lost my pregnant partner and her kids for similar reasons and I’ve applied to the Gordon moody rehab because every situation you’ve mentioned I’ve put my partner threw as well as all my family.  he definitely needs a lot more than a few Ga sessions I really hope you guys can sort out a solution because I can see it from both sides and it’s a living hell for you all to be in 

This post was modified 1 week ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th November 2019 2:58 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi igatti8 I'm the wife of a cg. Ideas? He needs more GA. He needs some help for his mental health. He needs to block all online by using gamstop, Gamban. He needs to self exclude. He needs to find a better way to spend his time. He can do all that for himself.

the most important person is you. Secure all finances, your money in a separate account. Credit scores. Can you find a gamanon meeting or codependent (coda). These are support groups for you. Him not working and you paying his debts is enabling. He has no responsibility for his actions. If you can't get to the post first, get it sent to your work or somewhere secure. I don't know if you can get a P.o. Box.

i know it's very hard but you have to be strong. He can get counselling from gamcare, but GA is where he needs to be. He should have numbers of people he can contact for support. It's not for you to carry the burden or be so rapped up in his addiction. It's very damaging, stressful. 

Can he get benefits? Citizens advice may help. Stepchange, national debt line.

you have to change how you react to him. Be selfish, get support for yourself, Gamanon, gamcare, coda, any 12 step meeting or smart recovery. There's gamanon online meeting Sunday night 8-9, go to the website. 

Seriously this is damaging you as much as him, get help for you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th November 2019 7:38 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It goes very deep to the core of his soul and how teh addiction has altered his mind for its own fixes.

This addiction will be one of the strongest tests of your love for him. Do not let that be a blind love and this is no time to be a shrinking violet.

He needs reality checks and one of them is that you tell him that gambling is not acceptable to you or you will walk. If you have no trust or financial security its impossible to maintain a loving stable relationship.

You tell him to get a job....any job and you ask him when gambling became a reliable income scheme? What does he know that millions of working people dont. If gambling was an income scheme nobody would go to work!

Take him to a GA meeting and push him through the door

You need to take a deep breath and start to fully protect yourself. Living with a gambler is  nothing but uncertainty and you deserve more than that. Many partners can only distance themselves by leaving

Now we are not relationship counsellors but we do know about the addiction. Its highly dangerous and acts just like a drug addiction. He needs to be ready for help or you cant help him

This is not about selling a bike or cutting up one card. he needs a born again moment to start healing his mind from illness.

Th brutal reality is that if he fights this and moans or grumbles you cant help him and he will take you down further. The gambling train goes downwards calling at all stops to the worst hell you can imagine.

Its not your fault so you need support perhaps from family friends or professionals. when you feel stronger you can make a decision based on knowledge and strength.

Any partner of a gambler deserves better. Its your decision and your call.

An addicted gambler will lie and manipulate. Im not saying he is inherently bad but he is in the grip of something that shreds relationships for breakfast and kills people.

Im being blunt because I need to get through to you.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

 

This post was modified 1 week ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 28th November 2019 8:56 am
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