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Lethe
(@lethe)

Best advice for any fallout is not to engage. You've stated your lines in the sand. He must be clear they're non negotiable and he takes them or leaves them.

One other thing to say - this is draining and exhausting. If you need your energy for you and all you have to do don't feel guilty you're not doing enough for him. There's a wealth of advice and support out there for him starting with GA where the members will get where he is and what he's done in a way we never can.

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Posted : 24th May 2019 8:01 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

I get the email bit, just wanted to point out as a society it’s sad when we can’t face that talk together, I think my partner would “get it” better in a letter form but she would have to see the emotion in me to fully understand that what I was telling her hurts me as well and the absolute need for me to recover.

good luck in your future, you shouldn’t have to put up with this, I avoid this section because the truth hurts a CG like myself.

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Posted : 24th May 2019 1:08 pm
Agios
(@agios)

I agree and know email as a channel seems odd; relative to other conversations we’ve had and the build up to it this week it was appropriate as meant I got down what I needed to say.

So the outcome:

Saw a response this morning and was terrified to read it.  He wants to get better and has forwarded me emails showing he’s signed up to GamStop and shut down the betting account he was using.  I guess that’s the first step, now there are others.  Does GamStop work?  Do I need to check he doesn’t have multiple email addresses etc.?

Well done in your recovery HolyCrosser. Know that you’ve helped me and therefore my partner, for today at least, by contributing to the forum.

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Posted : 24th May 2019 2:12 pm
A 9
 A 9
(@alan-135)

I don't use Gamstop but Heard nothing but good reports on this forum ? and obviously whatever blocks we put in place could be got around if the urges are too strong , that's why it's better to have mutiple layers instead of relying in anyone thing . 

It's what's called on here " Time , money , location triangle and if you remove one then you can't gamble ? .

The transparency thing's probably on of the most important in my opinion , access to accounts and credit reports will give you some peace of mind or better still him handing all financial control would be another dependent on what you want really ? . 

I know this comes across as all doom and gloom but him showing you what he want's to show you doesn't have to mean he's covered all of his access to gamble , so until you see it don't always believe it .

Other thing's to consider .... Parental control setting on your internet "  no access to anything over 18 also changing the password ? the Monzo bank account / card which you can set not to allow any gambling transactions would again give more financial control ? . 

I also agree with HC on the email thing , it's great that you've had a conversation via email and is a huge first step but sitting face to face and discussing this will bring the reality home on both side of what this is doing to you . 

 

 

  

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Posted : 24th May 2019 2:39 pm
Lethe
(@lethe)

Mr L signed up for Gamstop when it went live because I asked him to. From what I've read on this forum there are ways round it but that's true of every block out there if the gambler's determined to find a way.

It's really, really easy to get consumed with what they might be doing but that path will drive you slowly insane. You can't trust a word he says without seeing independent proof but full and ongoing financial control and transparency will provide some reassurance. Look to your own interests first. Ask to see  whatever  you need to to feel safe (I still open any post I don't like the look of). If he won't comply with what you ask, be wary. 

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Posted : 24th May 2019 6:58 pm
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