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Am I going mad?  

 
Han05
(@han05)

I found out my partner was a gambling addict 3 years ago, he had huge amounts of debt but we worked through it and he began paying off the debt. Things have been going well and I was pretty sure the gambling had stopped. One evening this week he went to pull something out of his pocket and a lottery ticket fell out. Initially he said oh that’s from years ago and quickly walked away. I asked to see the ticket and the date was 19 removed link I asked him if he bought the ticket, he then told me that he must have been given it by accident and he swears he did not buy it!! I feel like I am going crazy, I think deep down I know he bought it but keep trying to make excuses for him. I told him when I first found out that I would leave him if he ever gambled again, am I being unreasonable? I don’t know what to do anymore. 

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Posted : 22nd February 2021 12:37 pm
garrethm46
(@garrethm46)

As an addict its very likely he bought it. You should maybe try say its ok that you did it instead of asking did he? he may open up more then and speak to you about it, theb see whats going on in his head.

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Posted : 22nd February 2021 12:57 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@han05 They say you can't kid a kidder. Sometimes though the kidder tries to kid himself. He'll know where it came from, and the chances are very high that he bought it, but he may be so worried that you'll leave him that he'll start telling himself that he really doesn't know where it came from. It's mad but as a gambler, if I believed the lie I expected others to believe me too.

As far as what you do, the best way is to sit him down, ask him to be honest and give him the chance to get it off his shoulders. You might not like what you hear but you have to do what is right for you. If you're going to leave him, do it, otherwise where is the consequences to your threat?

But if you're going to support him, for all the good reasons there may be for staying, get him to be open and honest and help him find the support that he probably needs because the sad reality is that it's not going to be a one off lottery ticket.

Chris.

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Posted : 22nd February 2021 1:18 pm
Han05
(@han05)

Thanks for your reply Chris, I just feel so weak and to cut a long story short the last time I went through this with him I became very depressed. I think due to having our lives turned upside down and finding out the extent of the lies.

I think you are right and he believes his own lies also does not think I will leave. I just can not tolerate the lies to my face.

I am sure it will not be just the one lottery ticket. I will sit him down but I know he will make up more lies and I will feel even more confused.  

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Posted : 22nd February 2021 1:40 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@Han05 I know I sound a bit black and white on this but when I was married, other than one three year period where life was perfect, I relapsed a lot and I know it took an awful lot out of my wife. I promise and I'm sorry were my two most popular phrases, but I also believed it at the time.

Ultimately my gambling affected my wife and children and our whole lives and when she finally had enough she left. Now she is re-married and happy and actually, that's all I ever wanted for her. I just couldn't do it at the time. in fact, it was six years later when I was able to put it down like I have this time. I couldn't have imagined putting her through a further six years of everything she went through.

Life is too short and like the gambler needs to look after him/herself first, so should you.

Chris.

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Posted : 22nd February 2021 1:54 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Somebody else bought the ticket and put it in his pocket. I don't think so. Of course he bought the lottery ticket. But i'd imagine from your point of view its the lying that's the bigger issue and more of concern. In an ideal world he may of said.." yes i bought the ticket, I am struggling with my addiction" and then atleast you'd of had a starting point with which to have a conversation and work out a plan of action. I know my family seldom ask whether I am gambling or not because they don't want to put me in a situation where I might be tempted to lie. Open and honest is almost always the best way but for many a compulsive gambler its hard to put into practice.

All the best

This post was modified 2 days ago by S.A
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Posted : 22nd February 2021 11:43 pm
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