Hi I found out my partner was a compulsive gambler in January, it come as huge shock to me, he pawned all my late parents jewerelly, sold all my jewerelly and stole money from me as well. He thousands in debt, I’m having counselling, been in touch with gam anon - he was attending GA until lockdown happened. I’m just wondering if many of you have suffered the same sort of hurt and betrayal and how have you dealt with it - and I would like to know what makes the gambler stoop so low - thank you
As someone who has "stooped so low", I have no defence, other than I wanted money to be able to carry on with my gambling. The addiction was greater than my own willpower. I don't need to go into specifics here but I don't expect a non gambler to understand. It's only when you have done something similar that you can really understand. Some might say they kind of get it but wouldn't do it themselves.
As a compulsive gambler in recovery though, that's a different story. I am so ashamed about the things I have done but I have a chance to make amends to those I have hurt or been affected by my actions. I wouldn't dream of doing those things now but it was like being possessed. Nothing, other than the GA rooms, was greater than my need for a bet, even when I hated what I was doing and what I had become.
Hopefully you can get the support you need from gam-anon.
As for on line GA meetings, not all the meetings are online or some of them are only for existing members. If you let me know which one he goes to I'll happily find out for you and if he needs one he can choose to log on or not.
As regards GA on line meetings, there isn't one as far as I can see in Sutton but on the GA website they've added some of the ones which are doing it including some in the London area, not that it matters where it is. They tend to be zoom meetings. He would have to email the contact details to get the id and password details but they're there if he wants or get him to call his groups secretary.
As far as books go to try to understand the gamblers mind, again on the GA website in the literature section there are two specific books which we give all new members, commonly known as the orange and the blue books. The orange one is actually called "questions and answers about the problem of compulsive gambling and the ga recovery program " and the blue one is titled "towards the first 90 days". Both should help but the orange one is better.
You may find more on the gam-anon website but I don't know those, sorry.
All the best.
Harley barley if you want literature for yourself contact gamanon via their email address.
GA aren't courses, they are meetings that people attend. Stopping gambling is a life change, the gambler needs to replace the gambling with healthy behaviour.
Living with a compulsive gambler is a challenge and thinking that it stops immediately and things change overnight is not usually how it works.
This is about changing your behaviour and getting help for yourself too. Ongoing support is vital.