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Advice wanted about taking financial control  

 
RMairead11
(@rmairead11)

Hi there,

I am pregnant and recently found out about my partners gambling addiction which has been devastating but we are both trying to give our relationship a chance and get support.

As part of me giving him a second chance he has agreed that I will manage his finances and he will get his enployer to pay his wages directly into my bank account. I am also planning to switch everything like bills and rent into my name to come out of my account instead of his and he has agreed for me to transfer him a weekly allowance of spending money plus enough to cover repayments for his debts and credit cards.

I have a few questions about how best to manage this:

1. As he has a 1,500 overdraft, would it be best for me to transfer his spending money into a separate bank account he has with no overdraft to avoid him potentially using the overdraft for gambling?

2. I was planning to set up a second bank account in my name but for his wages to go into and for our bills to come out of. Will this extra income I'll be paid from his employer effect any of my own finances in terms of tax etc?

3. Does anyone have any good tips and tricks about how best to manage someone elses finances and not get them muddled with your own/not get in a mess with paying stuff etc? 

Many thanks 

 

 

 

Quote
Posted : 16th June 2020 5:00 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya hope your well 

The first thing is noway can your partner have an overdraft as that's far too easy for him to use if he has a relapse, the whole idea is to prevent you getting in debt if he relapses. A lot off banks now gives you an account that doesn't allow you to gamble so I would look into that. But the best thing for you to do is talk to one of the gamecare advisors on the site they will pop you into the best advice for everything.  I wish you and your partner plus your new bundle off joy all the best in a gamble free life 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th June 2020 5:32 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Firstly it's good that he's prepared to put some blocks in place to help himself.

I would talk to his current bank, explain the situation and ask them to freeze the account and either agree a repayment plan or clear it as and when you can. If it's an agreed overdraft there shouldn't be any additional charges. Once it's clear ask them to withdraw the overdraft or switch to a basic account. There are a lot of banks now that have an option to switch off gambling transactions. Lloyds group all have the option and then takes 24 or 48 hour delay in switching it back on. 

re your questions;

1. He doesn't really need an account at the moment. If he needs money he lets you know in advance and produces a receipt for the purchase. There is no situation that can't be overcome by not having a card. Long term look at basic accounts with gambling blocks.

2. Good idea to keep it separate and it won't affect you at all. You aren't earning it, your boyfriend is so any tax or related costs are done at source of the wage. The only possible way it could affect you would be if you were on benefits and you can't get them if you have savings over a certain amount(£12K or so I think) but I don't think that's a worry at the moment.

3. When I did my wages this way with my wife I had my wage go directly into her account. I had a spreadsheet that showed what came in and exactly where it went out and what was left, if there was some, and that got moved to a holiday fund or cleared a debt. A lot of people get this bit wrong. They think it's about giving over responsibility but I think it's just about access, that's all. We sat down together on payday and just agreed on where it went, so towards the mortgage, food, bills, kids stuff, the usual things and then my debts. If I wanted something and could afford it we just agreed how I was going to get it but in truth, especially in the early days and weeks, I very rarely wanted or needed money. It felt weird initially if we went out for a meal and instead of me pulling a wedge of money out of my pocket to pay for it my wife had to pay the bill but really it was only my ego getting in the way. It didn't really matter who paid for it, the till assistant doesn't care so why should I. It was still my money but from her account! Not carrying money is quite liberating too and certainly helps stay away from a bet.

Hope that helps.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th June 2020 6:38 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi.

With advice from your bank you can set up a linked account or a wage account that only you have access to and you can easily transfer between your accounts.

You need further advice... it shouldnt be a problem if his wages come to an account in your name but the bank and tax authorities need to be aware that is not your job on the side. Wont be a problem with the right notifications

The overdraft account needs gradually paying off and a marker placing on it that no more overdraft facilities or loans are to be given. You will also have to be sure that he cant get money from the pawnbrokers, pay day loans finance companies friends etc

All larger transactions like paying off the overdraft...you should be in the bank with him or doing it yourself really with standing orders and direct transfers from the holding account

Do not hand him significant amounts of money for repayments without overseeing the transaction. It would be best if you transferred the repayments directly from the holding account.

He only needs an account with a small balance...you can do fast transfers if necessary or you have a small cash float for him under lock and key

None of this is about treating him like a baby. Its about saving his life and saving the relationship You will develop a sixth sense and you will know if something seems fishy.

He should develop a pride in providing receipts and talking through his feelings. he should feel a great sense of relief you are helping

He should be on a sandwich and petrol allowance...maybe a bit more within reason but not much more and certainly nothing that can do real damage.  If he wants clothes or a gadget treat, he sets that up with you and best you go with him

Anything that seems funny will  need forensic investigation for his own sake and to let him know that you are on the ball with this

Even then you can never be complacent again but that becomes a positive statement to protect you both

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

This post was modified 4 weeks ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th June 2020 7:38 pm
Lethe
(@lethe)

Some employers won't pay wages into a third party account. Mr L has a basic account for receipt of his wages. I hold the card to it and operate it. Direct debits and bills come out of my own account.

I wouldn't be allowing access to an overdraft. I prioritised paying off the OD Mr L ran up on the secret sole account he had as the interest rate was so ridiculous then the account was closed and he used the joint account. I'd use this approach on any other debts too - prioritise the highest interest with minimum payments on the rest and work down the list as they clear.

TBH I wouldn't recommend transferring cash for anything to an account I couldn't access and operate myself. Mr L is OK with a bank card so he makes his purchases through that and gives me the receipts. He doesn't routinely carry even small amounts of cash because that's proved disastrous in the past.

Keep a regular eye on credit reports from all three agencies. They will tell you if anything hasn't been disclosed or if anything is going on behind your back. Don't take your partner's word for anything financial without verifying it independently for yourself.

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Posted : 17th June 2020 12:45 pm
RMairead11
(@rmairead11)

Thanks so much for all the advice on here. Luckily as his dad is his employer it makes it a bit easier for us as he can pay wages to me. 

He has a basic monzo account which hasn't got anything in it or owed on it yet so I was thinking of just setting up direct debits for his debts and repayments on his old card and then him not having access to that and only putting a small amount of money in the monzo one which doesn't have an overdraft for lunch money and petrol etc. 

I feel like I'm being super cautious now but I'm already worried aboit him asking for some control back or me getting complacent etc.

This might sound lame and I know its a small price to pay for peace of mind but I'm also finding it such a ball ache to organise switching it all over and figuring out how to manage all the money on my own, e even though I know once its all set up I will feel better. I just can't help but feel resentful that I can't trust him at all with money or anythong financial when I'm also having to contend with looking after an actual baby with lots of needs as well! Just feeling a bit exhausted by it but hoping some sense of normality might resume soon, even if that does mean that it will never be how it was. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th June 2020 4:15 pm
got2bdone
(@got2bdone)

Has your bf implented gamstop?

Again, from experience, I find the following set up works well as a good mix of no gambling and accountability as well as a degree of financial freedom.

1. Monzo account with the card destroyed (take a picture of front and back first)

2. Gambling transactions frozen on Monzo

3. Card added to Apple/Android pay on bf's phone, meaning he can access money but not cash

4. App deleted from BF's phone and added to yours, meaning you receive a notification every time he spends

 

Hope that helps 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th June 2020 6:03 am
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