Hi Everyone,
I have just signed up to this forum for help and advice my husband, with his gambling problem.
Since we met, I knew it was an issue. His family had helped him in the past to try and sort the problem, he had taken out payday loans and reached a breaking point. When we met to an extent, it was kind of under control. He has always struggled dealing with his finances, always in overdraft, no savings to his name but held down full time employment and always paid bills.
Over the past couple of years, he had taken out various loans behind my back (not ideal after just purchasing a house, getting married and having baby). When I found out, he blamed me for the reason he didn't tell me, because I would over react. These loans total nearly £15k.
I had no choice but to contact his family for advice and support, to which they have all been fantastic. Numerous chats with various family members have happened between my husband and them, he admitted it had all been spent on gambling but still cannot see the problem as it is "his" money. There is always a solution to sorting out his money issues, and currently he believes this is by adding it onto the mortgage, which will only result in a clean slate for him to start all over again I would imagine.
I have taken control of his finances, his wages will come to me, I will sort the bills and then give him money if he needs it. I will also have access to his online banking. I don't know what else I can do.
I am seeking advice and support on the best way I can help him, and to help him come to the realisation of the bigger picture. I have given him links to this forum, to local support, sorted out leaflets etc, but until he admits to himself that he has a problem, things cannot change.
I understand that ultimatums rarely work, but have adviced him that this is the last time. It is starting to put me in debt as I am the one covering the cost of a majority of things (none of my money has gone on his gambling). I also cannot put our children's future at risk.
Thank you.
Hi Womble89,
Thanks and well done for posting on the forum .
It sounds like you have been dealing with a very difficult situation and that can't be easy . You are never alone and there's a lot of support and help available.
It is wrong that he blamed you for anything and none of this is ever your fault. You have the right to feel safe emotionally and financially.
In regards to the credit score/ debt side of things a good organisation to call would be Step change on 0800 138 1111 . They offer advice on debt and money issues and can help your son set up payment plans and budgets .
It's a real positive that you have the support of friends and family around this . The more you can open up and process things the better . It's important to put all of your strength into your own self care so that you can be the strongest possible to deal with things .
Having financial control is one strategy we look at if you are willing to do this so that is a good thing that you are able to support him in that way .
You are right that ultimatums don't really work and that he has to take on full responsibility for this . Communicating with him carefully and openly about how this is affecting you and being there to support when he is within recovery is the main thing you can do .
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers
All the best
Kirk
Forum Admin
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