GamCare Logo
Login / Register

Don't Lose Your Head

78 posts / 0 new
Last post

Pages

Posted by
Messages
#1 Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 11:00

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

8th February 1587 ~ Mary Queen of Scots beheaded by Elizabeth 1st for treason.

8th February 1601 ~ Robert Devereux, 2nd Earl of Essex beheaded by Elizabeth 1st for treason.

I'm fortunate that she is not Queen of the gamcare diaries.

Day 3 on the final push for freedom. I will be self-disciplined, stout-hearted and I won't lose my head...abstainer

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 17:25

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

What you going to do differently this time? Are you familiar with the definition of insanity? You need to get the right tools in place to help you be more disciplined.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 18:48

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for posting on my diary degenerate. Would you not consider a more complementary name for yourself. Something that would reflect the courage, integrity and ambition that you have shown. 317 days GF is a massive achievement. You admit you still have thoughts and dreams of gambling but you have stayed strong and kept your resolve.

Regarding your queries about my sanity and whether I propose to change things. My brain has definitely been affected by my gambling compulsion and no doubt many synapses are just biding their time waiting for the next roulette wheel. In time I believe this will resolve itself if I don't gamble.

Only thing I can change which might help is to show more courage and determination.. In the past, friends have looked after my finances. I have self excluded from all the local bookies , attended Gamblers Anonymous and had counselling sessions. I have worn the T shirts but without some moral fibre, integrity and backbone it has been doomed to failure. My only hope of success is in making myself a better person. Right thinking, right acting and right on up the recovery road.

Hope was the last thing in Pandora's Box. I've got a rough idea where she was coming from. While we still have hope, anything is possible...stephen

Posted on:
Thu, 08/02/2018 - 21:04

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Don't be so hard on yourself - if you counted up how many days you have not gambled since the same day last year it would be a big number - probably over 200 - so think of the positives while reflecting on how to take your next steps. X

Posted on:
Fri, 09/02/2018 - 11:57

sunshine16

Joined:
2012-05-26

Hey Stephen how are you feeling today ? i know you was in a pretty bad place a few days ago but hoping you're feeling more positive now and got your fight back in you :) this is a life long  journey and there's no easy fix so you just need to ride the storm and come out the other end stronger than ever ! positive thinking and mind over matter is the way forward .you can totally do this :) take care and have a great gamble free day Sunshine xx

Posted on:
Fri, 09/02/2018 - 20:50

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Keep going - you can do this x

Posted on:
Fri, 09/02/2018 - 23:02

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Sunshine & Annie.

I have had a good day. Went to the gym lunchtime and did the Aquafit class in the pool. Tonight been Five Rhythm dancing.

Feeling confident at the moment but I have felt that way numerous times before. It's when my resolve starts to weaken that the battles will have to be fought.

Wishing everyone a peaceful, contented and gamble free weekend...stephen 

Posted on:
Sat, 10/02/2018 - 13:09

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Happy weekend Stephen, keep going and thanks for your support and kind words, Even though now I feel more confident I still check in everyday to remind myself of the place I used to be in. Take care S x 

Posted on:
Sat, 10/02/2018 - 15:18

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Sharon for your wonderful support and encouragement.

When i look at the name Abstainer I see failure staring back at me. I know it may seem a bit pathetic but I am changing my name.

On different days in different ways I can be a different Stephen. Sometimes full of the joys of spring, relaxed and confident. Other times a more subdued Stephen rises to the surface.

I am asking  Stephen the Strong to take the reins and lead me to glory. Or at least get me home in one piece.

Posted on:
Sat, 10/02/2018 - 20:08

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen thank you for posting on my diary, sometimes I feel self indulgent talking about myself but I have never been very confident and gambling made this worse and isolated me from the potential I could reach. I have no doubt that you want gambling out of your life, as you have managed to rid yourself smoking and drinking, so it seems within your reach for sure. One thing I do know is that it's bl***y hard fighting this on your own with no one to take control of finances or confide in (my choice I guess) so communicating here is vital. Take care my friend S x

Posted on:
Sat, 10/02/2018 - 21:38

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

Coming back to Degenerate’s point, what are you going to differently this time? Positivity, GC encouragement, a new thread, feeling bad and hoping to be strong this time were all in place before, what new tools do you plan to use? Broken triangle? Meetings? Counselling?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, each time expecting different results. The same man will drink again. 

It’s doable by you (but not alone), you can change for you if you want it, but only by using different tools.

CW

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 09:53

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Sharon...You wrote "I feel self indulgent talking about myself but I have never been very confident and gambling made this worse and isolated me from the potential I could reach."

Your words are very meaningful Sharon. Compulsive gambling just reinforces any negativity we have. It saps away at our confidence, takes away our self belief and shatters our dreams.

Cynical Wife...I respect and admire your input on the diaries. Like Merry Go Round and others you have first hand experience of compulsive gambling. It is wonderful that you are willing to share your feelings and pass on your knowledge. 

With regard to your posts on my diary, I do believe we are singing from the same hymn sheet. I have attended well over a hundred GA meetings which included 12  Steps meetings, I have on 2 occasions handed over my finances to trusted friends and I have self-excluded from the bookies on several occasions. These actions have had limited success. I did find my 12 counselling sessions very beneficial but having more sessions would simply be going over the same ground. Following your reasoning I agree that continuing down them roads is pointless.

I do like being a part of the diaries and look upon my fellow travellers as friends and confidants. I feel this will help my recovery.

I want to stop gambling and feel it is within my capabilities to do so. My only hope is to remain calm whilst showing more courage and self discipline...stephen 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 10:06

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Morning Stephen,
Lovely bright, sunny day today!
(even if it does feel cccold.)
CW talks a lot of sense above but it's nothing any of us want to hear.
Unfortunately, we're in short supply of magic wands so we have to do it the hard way.
You really are a special person, you give so much to others. You should not think negatively about yourself because from what I can see the positives far outweigh the negatives.
Do this for you - because you're worth it!! X

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 13:29

Cynical wife

Joined:
2015-06-23

Hello again, Steven,

That’s what they say at the end of the meetings: “Keep coming back, it works if you work it so work it you’re worth it.”

No doubt as to your worth but  more of what you don’t want to hear: you weren’t actually working the Twelve Step program or if you were, then you stopped? One hundred meetings over what period? One year at twice per week? Two years at once per week? 

It’s a lifestyle change to be made and then maintained over a lifetime. The program is meetings, working the Steps, contact between meetings with sponsor and others, giving service back. And accepting that it’s not you in control. All of those tools work if you keep using them, ODAAT.

Will power, being stronger, new threads and positivity haven’t so far because the harsh reality is that it’s not you in control. Who or what you believe is in control is your own business. But it’s nigh on impossible to overcome addiction if you are the highest power that exists in your world.

For my situation, what my husband did whilst using is his responsibility. My concern is to look at how come he was able to get away with it, how I allowed it to continue and what I need to do differently going forward. Also a lifetime’s work.

CW.

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 16:02

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Good afternoon Sir Stephen, loving the new name ! Dont give up on this fight !everyone in this forum believes in you ! I’m sure this time around you’re gonna make a real change and you’re not gonna let gambling ruin it again for you . I know it’s good to make a mistake to learn from it but we can’t make it a habit . 

I hope you’re still doing well with your fitness .

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 11/02/2018 - 16:48

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Glad to see you didnt take too much time out from Gamcare. A very sensible decision. I know what I did when I took time out from Gamcare between relapses. Gambling every day and increasing my debts back to where they started after the previous relapse.

Abstainer contributed a lot to this community. I hope Stephen the Strong is just as popular.

I am going to keep my username. I like it, a good description of my gambling and its a nice reminder of my mindset when I joined this forum.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 17:17

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary. I take great comfort from the support and encouragement of gamcare friends. The diaries to me are a source of wisdom, a sanctuary for healing and a friendship club where I can interact with recovering compulsive gamblers and those whose lives have been affected by gambling.

We all have our hopes and dreams. Sadly they have been shattered many times by the effects of compulsive gambling and probably other negative influences. Being here indicates a recognition of our gambling addiction, it heralds a desire to change our ways and to live a gamble free life. Those associated with the compulsive gambler may have also been badly affected and it is a joy to have them amongst us sharing their experiences and opinions.

I have personally suffered setbacks in the past but I will keep trying. My last bet was on the 5th February 2018

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 21:31

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Well done on achieving more gamble free days Stephen. I hope today has been kind. X

Posted on:
Tue, 13/02/2018 - 21:37

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen, hope you're ok? Can relate to shattered dreams, at the moment I really want to move from our rented house but realistically will have to wait and I'm not a patient woman!! But I will sit tight and stay GF. Look forward to seeing you hit double figures take care Sx

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 14:04

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Annie...You are 18 days into your noble quest. With a sparkle in your eyes you are journeying forth with dignity, hope and honour.

Thank you Sharon...335 days gamble free is a wonderful achievement. You are a brilliant star up ahead in the distance. A glowing reminder that we can overcome our urges to gamble, we can put a stop to the crazy gambling and we can find our way home.

Happy Valentines Everybody. Amongst the people who are closest to my heart are my gamcare brothers and sisters.

No matter whether you are a beautiful smart lady, a charismatic macho man or somewhere in between, I love you all.

We are all together, arm in arm, going forward. Some will sail off into the distance whilst some will struggle. At the end of the day we are here for ourselves but we are also here for each other. We share a common desire to rid ourselves of this terrible addiction.

God bless you all. 

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 14:58

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice post mate, important to send positivity to everyone as well as to ourselves

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 15:14

Jayden

Joined:
2011-09-01

Well done Stephen. Hope all is well with yourself.

Posted on:
Wed, 14/02/2018 - 19:28

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Lovely post - thanks Stephen - wishing you and everyone a happy Valentine's Day also. X

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 09:40

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Stephen

Liking that new username, best of luck on your continued journey. A few falls here and there you have had but you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself down and continue to look to the gamble free path as hard and long as it looks you are still determined to walk it.

Kudos to you, keep going.

Matt

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 10:48

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Wilsy, Jayden, Annie and Matt for the posts on my diary.

Day 10 gamble free and feeling good. If I had a tail I would wag it.

Good fun last night at a friends 80th birthday party. Met up with people I hadn't seen for ages so had plenty of laughs. Artist & DJ were excellent and everybody had a great time.

I think this is the time I am finally going to beat the gambling addiction. I'm going to kick it's sorry backside out of my life once and for all.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 12:13

Equinox

Joined:
2017-10-18

Hi Stephen - Thanks for leaving a message of support in my diary. It helps to be reminded that this isn't a solitary fight. I want to be there when you kick gambling's sorry backside. 

I'm glad that you're feeling good and had a great time at the party.

Let's stay strong together and beat this. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 12:25

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Stephen.... would just like to say well done on reaching 10 days gf, good to see you back  in possitive frame of mind .... with you all the way in kicking gamblings backside ... wishing you well.

Posted on:
Thu, 15/02/2018 - 21:42

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Good stuff Stephen and well done on reaching double figures. X

Posted on:
Fri, 16/02/2018 - 12:29

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Nice one mate for getting into double figures!

Wilsy

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 10:13

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Good morning gamcare friends. I appreciate the posts on my diary which strengthen my resolve.

Wilsy & Sandra... Well respected members of the century club. With love and compassion you breeze through the diaries offering hope, advice and encouragement.

Equinox... A moment in time when the sun crosses the celestial equator. Day and night find themselves equal and in balance. You are now 3 days into your very own balancing act. Recovery from gambling addiction requires acceptance, understanding and self belief. You will need to find a middle ground which can bring harmony to your thoughts and emotions.

Chartom..Congratulations on 70 days gamble free. Try not to over analyse things, accept your going in the right direction and keep your head down. The addiction may try to confuse you with doubts and misgivings but don't take any notice. 

Annie...Congratulation on 3 weeks gamble free. Looking forward to following your journey and sharing some happy times along the way. There may be blue days now and than but we can live with that. Keep smiling at troubles cos troubles are bubbles and bubbles will soon blow away.

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 13:06

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen thanks for posting, happy weekend to you too! Hope you've got some fun planned!! Take care S:) 

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 20:59

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

I like your talk of troubles being bubbles that blow away - very catchy! Well done on continuing to move forward. X

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 12:29

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Sharon & Annie for your kind words.

A friend recently wrote of a happy time in her childhood. Fond memories of a time when life was carefree and fun.

We might feel like warning that child of the sadness that lies ahead

Or we can maybe tell that child that his/her future self battled bravely to bring about a happy ending.

Sunday can be a good time for reflection. We can look towards the positives with love in our heart, a smile on our face and a song on our lips.

Love and best wishes to everyone on the diaries...stephen x x x x x 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 12:52

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hi Stephen, a long time no speak my friend. Sorry to read about your relapses. I, too, have had a couple in recent times but I’m ready to fight once again. Gambling just isn’t worth it anymore. They say, “when the fun stops, stop” but for me, the fun never starts. I’m much happier and far more at peace when I’m not gambling. So that’s how I want it to stay. I must find other things to do to occupy myself. The best of luck for the journey ahead my friend. Let’s do this together. Let’s be winners in life. 

DeterminedDan (previously Moorey)

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 17:33

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hello sir Stephen :) you’re nearly 2 weeks without a bet ! This time I’m sure you’re much stronger . Good job sir !

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 21:14

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Happy Sunday Stephen. Hope it's been sunny and kind. X

Posted on:
Sun, 18/02/2018 - 21:24

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary.  DeterminedDan good to see you back, under a new name, full of enthusiasm and raring to go. Sars forever going forward with a sense of purpose and a steely resolve. Annie Great to see you so positive and getting plenty of exercise. You must be fit as a fiddle with all that running.Well done. 

It is absolutely wonderful and also an inspiration to see friends forging ahead in their recovery. Lots of them up ahead in the distance climbing the gamcare hiils and running up the mountain side. 

I am happy for those who are winning their battles but so upset that I am not with them. Here I am on day 13 when I could have been on day 283. It would make sense if I had been tortured, beaten or threatened but that wasn't the case. I simply gave in because I was a bit fed up, had a few dark thoughts and felt the urge to gamble. 

The good news is I am not giving in again. When Addiction comes knocking with his three sidekicks (Lonely, Sad and Fearful) I will tell them to clear off

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 14:07

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Hi Stephen don't think you're not winning because you are still here, racking up GF days and helping others. Also at least you csn pick up on the low points before a relapse and ride them out.I must say I'm feeling very Mondayish today and feel a little bit low so can really connect to when lonely, sad and fearful visit. But tomorrow is another day,  thoughts and feeling pass and we are stronger than gambling. Take care Sx

Posted on:
Mon, 19/02/2018 - 20:38

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hi Stephen - you have racked a huge number of days gamble free albeit they weren't all consecutive but a huge number nevertheless. Your post cheered me up as the weather has been gloomy. Keep going ! 

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 13:29

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary.... Sharon. Sorry you had the blues yesterday but loved your response to it -"Tomorrow is another day, thoughts and feelings pass and we are stronger than gambling." ... Annie. Pleased to see your positive and determined. Running is a far better pastime than gambling and it helps keep you fit and healthy.

Hello Diary. I have got my sensible head on today and am appalled by the horrors that go hand in hand with compulsive gambling. I am going to keep my feet firmly fixed on the recovery road. 

It is a tragedy that people like me return to gambling knowing full well where it leads. Shame, fear and despair are always just around the next corner. Time after time I have stumbled blindly into their waiting arms.

My thoughts today are with those who are finding it hard to cope and are maybe feeling lonely and dejected. If possible reach out for help. Don't turn to gambling for comfort because it will just make things worse.

Wishing all on the diaries a peaceful week, contented and relaxed. 

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 16:14

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

You speak words of wisdom as always Stephen. Good luck for this evening and tomorrow - stay resilient! 

Posted on:
Tue, 20/02/2018 - 19:48

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi Stephen, the picture you painted of us all climbing those gamcare hills and running up the mountainside made me feel like i was Julie Andrews, I wanted to break out in song with 'the hills are alive!!!' Haha!!
Don't go beating yourself up about your slips because we're bound to get caught in a few rabbit holes on the way!
I'm looking forward to reaching the top and hoping it will all be down hill from thereon.
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 00:46

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Annie & Little Miss for your lovely posts on my diary.

Trekking through the foothills and climbing the GamCare Mountain. I can think of no song more inspirational (and relevant to our journey) than "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" from The Sound Of Music. Many artists have recorded it but my favourites are by Andy Williams, Barbara Streisland, Little Miss Lost and Shirley Bassey. 

Climb every mountain ~ Search high and low ~ Follow every byway ~ Every path you know

Climb every mountain ~ Ford every stream ~ Follow every rainbow ~ Till you find your dream

A dream that will need all the love you can give

Every day of your life for as long as you live

We all have a mountain to climb and we are all searching for our dream. 

 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 06:48

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Morning Stephen, I see what you've done there, I knew I'd make it one day! haha!! Lovely way to start the day with a smile on my face - thank you!! Hope you have a good day too x

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 07:56

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi Stephen thought I’d drop by and say hi and thanks for your post on my diary a while back, haven’t read your diary yet but will do best wishes 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 08:23

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Hello Mr Strong, those days are mounting up now mate. Keep doing what you do best and fighting those demons. You’ve got the strength and character to succeed and lead your way to a better life. Success is there for the taking. 

Have a good day Stephen.

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 13:47

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Liking your post Stephen and wishing you a peaceful and successful day.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 21:11

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Happy Wednesday. Hope it's been kind. Your post made me smile. 

Posted on:
Wed, 21/02/2018 - 23:13

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you for the posts on my diary. 

Little Miss you are really setting a great example. Many moons since you last gambled and you are steadily getting further away from that last bet. A very stylish and dignified recovery.

Lulubobs showing great determination and resolve. We are at a critical point in our recovery as the addiction is reluctant to let go. Every day will only last 24 hours and that's what we need to focus on. We have to reach higher and keep striding forward. We must have faith in ourselves and unleash the power that is inside us. I believe we have great inner strength if only we can connect to it.

DeterminedDan back amongst us and full of good intentions. You have a lot of wisdom my friend, the support you give fellow travellers is priceless and you have a genuine desire to stop gambling. I sincerely hope you can find the peace, contentment and happiness which your heart craves for.

Wilsy you are a loving, compassionate soul who just wants everybody to get along and be happy. Sometimes life can seem cruel and unforgiving but that is the way of the world. I think the words of the poem Desiderata are quite meaningful and I frequently say the opening line to myself - "Go placidly amid the noise and haste." Glad your enjoying life in the century club. It's good to see you going forward with courage, determination and renewed optimism.

Sandra so pleased you have posted on your diary. You have had a skirmish with the addiction and been left saddened and bruised but you are back, which is a great relief. You are loved and respected by many of us who will be wishing you well. Take care my friend.

Annie Well done on your continued good progress. By following your example my goal is to get fitter. I enjoyed 30 minutes in the gym today which was a fun and followed it with a swim. Exercise definitely lifts my spirits and makes me feel more alive. 

Hello Diary. Not overjoyed because I have toothache but I have an emergency appointment tomorrow morning. I want the tooth out because last time I had toothache the dentist ssid he thought it would be alright and left it, four days later I was in agony with a face the size of a balloon. I really don't like to feel pain.

Wishing everyone a happy thursday. Peaceful, contented and gamble free.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 22/02/2018 - 10:58

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi Stephen good luck at the dentist, not my favourite place either! Been listening to James Bay lately. You might like him. Have a rest if they take the tooth.

Posted on:
Fri, 23/02/2018 - 00:17

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Merry Go Round. James Bay is excellent. Good music and meaningful lyrics.

Had my tooth out yesterday which was ok. The dentist kept it so I have nothing to put under my pillow. The receptionist had spIits/tears in her jeans which seemed very unprofessional. I couldn't help thinking of you and your sewing machine.

Take care and keep smiling. 

 

 

 

 

Pages