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Don't know what to do anymore

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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 01:03

Worriedandwornout

Joined:
2018-06-10

My partner has a problem and he won't admit it to himself let alone anyone else. We have struggled with rent payments in the past as he's spent it in the bookies on the roulette. I thought we were getting back on track and have recently opened a joint account which initially he was adamant I would have control of, fast forward to payday (wednesday), he was going to forward the rent money out of the joint account to my personal account so that it couldn't be spent (on anything) before it was due. I've logged on to check our joint account tonight only to find there's barely enough money to buy shopping for the next week never mind pay the rent (we have 5 children, although only 3 live with us permanently) We already owe family who helped us out last month. I really don't know what to do, I know he needs help but he doesn't see he has a problem and I dont know how much more I can take of the lies and not coming home to avoid the confrontations. Sorry for the long post x

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 09:39

Leedsfan333

Joined:
2018-05-30

Hello and welcome.  Until he admits he has a problem and talks to someone about it,it will be didficult.

My wages are now paid directly to my other half so I don’t even see them, Your partner has said he wants you to take over finances so that’s a positive.  Can you try talking to him again see if he would consider a meeting? Or to call the above helpline number? 

Also check out the friends and family section, with many similar posts to yours you won’t feel so alone in all this mess. It can get better though, I promise. 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 11:09

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Worriedandwornout,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us.

It seems you’ve been struggling for a long time to make your partner admit to his gambling problem, but which of course he hasn’t. I can understand your anxiety and frustration regarding this, and I do empathise with the situation that you find yourself in.

It’s important that you don’t give up trying to encourage him to do something about his gambling problem. Let him know you’re in touch with Gamcare, and that we are ready to help and support him with advice on strategies to enable him overcome his gambling problem. That we can refer him for counselling if he thinks that would help him to stop gambling, and also sign-post him to other charitable organisations if we think he’d benefit from their services.

Also inform him that all our services are free and confidential as well.

I think it would be a step in the right direction to honour his request for you to take control of his finances, and you can do this until such time that he feels well recovered to manage his finances again.

In case he’ll find it easier to call, he can contact us on our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers.

We are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight, so there’s plenty of time to contact us if he so wishes.

We’ve been able to help a lot of our callers, and hopefully we can help him too.

Best wishes, stay strong, and keep posting!

Beatrice

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 13:08

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi worried, my first thing is to get help for you. He's still playing so it's pointless talking to him. Close the joint account, his money directly to your account. Find a Gamanon meeting or go online there is live chat 8-9 tonight, Sunday. Don't lend him any money, if people help you make sure it doesn't go to him. Call gamcare get some counselling if you need it. If you start showing that you're getting help and in turn stronger, it may lead him to stop. Just try for now to get control of the finances. He won't stop until he decides to.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 14:23

Worriedandwornout

Joined:
2018-06-10

Thank you all, I'm really struggling with it all at the moment and your support means a lot x

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 16:02

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

For me if he doesn’t get help he is going to continue to bring you down. You need to threaten him if he doesn’t get help you will leave him and tell him all the money goes in your account and he only has money he needs. It’s the only way I gambled a lot of money the ex girlfriend warned me if I did it again that’s it. I gambled and I lost her and became a part time dad h because I thought I could talk her round but I never could because the trust had gone. I wish you well the only way you can help him is being tough with him

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 16:06

Worriedandwornout

Joined:
2018-06-10

Thank You Boro, I worry that if I do leave he won't get the help he needs, and will end up as another statistic, but I know for the sake if my own children something needs to happen x

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 17:19

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi worried, you need help too. It's impossible to keep lying to everyone and not admitting that your partner is a compulsive gambler. You're lying for him, so you have a problem too. You get some help and learn how to put blocks in place, how not to lie, how to safeguard yourself and your finances. Don't make empty threats, but tell him it's unacceptable. 

Posted on:
Sun, 10/06/2018 - 18:37

Boro

Joined:
2012-07-01

I can guarantee you if you threaten to leave him If things don’t change he will get help.if he doesn’t then you have to think about your kids and leave and see if that makes him realise I never took the ex serious until it was to late. I never beat the gambling addiction I just have block in place so it make it pretty much impossible to lose a lot of money