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Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 19:13

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello degenerate,

I look at the counting of days as the number of days away from gambling. There is no number a CG can count that marks any 'end' or cure'. A year won't mean i can gamble. It won't mean i can spend what i've gained in that time. It'll just mean that i've shown the control to live with my addiction, been mindful of my actions and have lived a better year for it.

Thoughts seem normal to me no matter how far away from the last bet. You've seen sense before turning this into a problem again. Keep your head up and remember the real cost of gambling. You might have some money back by now but you won't get any further time you waste gambling back. It's not worth it but you are. Stay away and don't focus on the meaning of any 'milestone' day count.

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

All the best =)

Posted on:
Sat, 17/02/2018 - 22:01

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Degen,

Recovery doesn't normally have the same highs and lows as gambling does. And if you don't find things to do that you enjoy doing, that you are looking forward to doing, then with time you can feel deflated. These are the times when it would be helpful to have a chat on the Helpline or the Netline, just to look at what is making you feel low at the moment. 

You are doing really well, you are not far from the year and you have worked very hard on your recovery. Try and introduce something new in to your routine. Something fun. 

Wishing you strength and all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 16:01

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Thanks Sjwsjw, Eva. I agree.

A year of gambling is a decent amount of time to be gambling free. I know the number of days can mean nothing especially if I start heavily gambling again the next day. I think I have mentioned earlier on in my diary (or maybe I had a Chat discussion) that I will stop counting when I reach the year mark. A year of no gambling is just a milestone I want to reach.

 

Day 334

Still feeling strong urges to gamble. Work is very quiet, I am not busy enough and going to the gym is getting a bit boring. Probably cos I am now dieting and not eating everything I can stuff in my face. 

Posted on:
Sun, 25/02/2018 - 16:13

DeterminedDan

Joined:
2016-09-08

Keep positive, Degenerate. 

You’ve done so well to get to 334 days! Give yourself a few moments to remind yourself where gambling took you and how it made you feel. 

Go and make yourself a cup of tea or coffee and breathe.

You don’t need gambling in your life. You never did. Nobody on this forum does. It does nothing for us apart from eventually destroying us. You’re on this forum BECAUSE of what gambling has done for you. It’s done nothing positive. Absolutely nothing. 

Posted on:
Tue, 27/02/2018 - 19:53

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Many thanks DeterminedDan. I know I need to be positive. A few non-gambling problems have resulted in gambling thoughts. I need to address those problems separately. Gambling will certainly not solve my problems. Only give me something else to worry about. As you say, nothing positive will come from gambling.

 

Day 336

Payday 2mo. I will be strong. I opened a Savings account and plan to move any extra money into the account. Hopefully not seeing the cash in my account will mean I have less gambling urges. 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/02/2018 - 18:43

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 337

Not paid today! Nothing to worry about. Not happy though, hopefully HR will have things sorted by 2mo. I hear I am not the only person affected. 

Sent home early due to weather warnings. I will likely be working from home the rest of the week. I am not exactly busy with work and the only thing in this town is a bookies. No travel means no gym. I am going to be bored out of my mind for the next few days. Need to keep busy somehow.

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 13:23

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 339

Paid yesterday. No thoughts of gambling. I put a chunk of my wages in a new Savings account.

I have a large plastic cola bottle that I have been putting all my leftover change in for the past few months. I thought I had £200, hopefully £300 in coins. I counted all the coins and found out I had just over £760! :) When I was gambling I never came close to filling my little piggy bank I have with coins, every coin was needed for my monthly cashflow emergency. Savings account is looking healthy already.

Next step is to sell some things on eBay. Should keep me busy while I am snowed in. Barely been out the house the last few days.

 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 13:48

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hi degenerate wow! 339 days! That’s brilliant I hope I get there too especially not having any thoughts of gambling when it’s payday, I’ve been wobbling all over since pay day but keep coming on here. Really pleased for you best of wishes Lulu x

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 14:35

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Ah its too cold to even walk to the bookmakers even when I have nothing else on. I am still wobbling, still feeling a bit resigned to gambling again when I get past the year mark. Hopefully, I will feel more positive when I am busy again. Many thanks for your comment. 

Posted on:
Fri, 02/03/2018 - 14:42

Lulubobs1966

Joined:
2015-07-19

Hiya lol yes it is too cold. I think you’ll surprise yourself and get past that one year, I’ve not read all your diary but you know how to stay gf what’s 12 months a year two three ? It’s each and every day we are gf that gives us our lives back surely and I’ve just started getting my head round I can never gamble again and will always have wobbles. Wish you all the best Lulu x

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 13:26

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 340

Stuck in the house on a Saturday. Pleased there is no racing on TV but I shouldnt be even checking to find out.

I was all set to head out to town today after a week of being stuck in the house cos of the snow but I have a cold. Hoping it doesnt last long, I do feel better than I was first thing this morning. I have been using the gym to combat my gambling but I have not been in the gym for a whole week.

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 16:21

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

On Day 326 I said I had started the process of reopening an account. Just found out I am PERMANANTLY banned from ever reopening an account with PP and BF. I am sure you can guess who these bookmakers are. A bit surprised I went for permanant exclusion but its only a good thing. Blocks are in place. :)

Posted on:
Sat, 10/03/2018 - 14:49

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Looking forward to Chat being up and running again.

 

Day 347

Struggling with Flu for the past week. No work, no gym and I have cabin fever after being stuck in the house for a couple of weeks. The worst appears to be over and I am able to concentrate on a bit of TV now. Watching Football and Rugby and trying to ignore the gambling adverts. I am aware in the back of my mind that Cheltenham is very close.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/03/2018 - 16:17

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 350

I was in the bookmakers looking at Cheltenham horse racing form. No gambling, no money and I didnt consider placing a bet on any horses. I did pick a greyhound and watched a live race for the first time in a while. No money on.

The reason I am on day 350 around Cheltenham time is no doubt due to a cashflow disaster around this time last year. I dont feel I have recovered from gambling even though the day counter is steadily increasing. I am too close to my year target to stop. I will find things more difficult around Aintree. 

Day 350 is a bit of a milestone. I should probably reward myself with a decent treat. I think I will consider a better treat for reaching the whole year mark. If I reach 1 year, next fews days will still be tempting.

 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/03/2018 - 17:36

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

Sorry to say this mate but planning to fail is taking you in the right direction & only you can turn it round!

Barely a week ago you were testing your online blocks & now you’re in a bookies?!?  No point trying to justify how you kept safe, there is absolutely no reason for a compulsive gambler to set foot inside somewhere like that!  Adverts on the telly are just that...You don’t go out & buy sanitary towels just because they’re on special offer, or have hundreds of cars on your drive!

The temptation may never go away but you have the choice whether or not you act on it.  Get yourself excluded from anywhere that you can get to & stop worrying about your tomorrows, today is what matters & you can stay gamble free for 24 hours, you know you can - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Tue, 13/03/2018 - 18:57

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations on 350 days gamble free. 

You are not the degenerate gambler you considered yourself to be in the past, you are a man who has successfully battled gambling addiction for almost a year.

Now is the time to celebrate your excellent progress. 

You like visiting the gym where you can work out. That is a best place to break into a sweat and it makes you feel  good all over.

The sweat of a compulsive gambler in action is different, it is caused by fear, shame and hopelessness and is most unpleasant.

Is it wise to visit bookies or gambling websites?  At  best it is like someone looking in a shop window at something they can't have. The worse scenario doesn't even bear thinking about.

You are here on the diaries amongst your friends. We are all willing you forward. You have what it takes,  you have the wisdom,  strength and courage to carry on your gamble free journey...stephen 

Posted on:
Wed, 14/03/2018 - 18:37

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@ODAAT I dont think I will be ready to exclude myself from bookmakers anytime in the near future. I guess things will need to get worst before that happens. I am excluded online and looks like I cannot undo the exclusion.

@Stephen Not ready to celebrate 350 days yet. I feel the urge to gamble due to Cheltenham being on. Thanks for your positivity. I hope I can stay out the bookmakers for a few more days and things should get easier.

 

Day 351

No watching racing today. No wandering in bookmakers to look at form. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/03/2018 - 18:54

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 352

I did get round to selling quite a few items on eBay and Gumtree. I need to list a few more items this weekend. A bit frustrated with the a number of people cancelling when they are due to pickup items. Cashed in the spare change I have been collecting in a big plastic Coca Cola bottle too. I have accumulated quite a bit of cash for my new Savings account.

I have a few memories of horses winning in unlikely circumstances for me when I had quite a wedge of money on them. One of them is running in the Gold Cup at Cheltenham tomorrow. The horse is not a great price, I will not have a bet even if I do get tempted. I will keep busy. I think my Flu symptoms are over and its time to get back in the gym regularly.

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2018 - 16:54

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 353

The horse I wanted to lump on in the Gold Cup was cruising along near the end of the race. Just as I thought of all the winnings I was missing out on it managed to throwaway the race. Oh I would have been in a bit of dispair had I backed that one after being gamble free all this time. I now have a few memories of what usually happens when I get in that kind of mess. Cheltenham is now over, hooray. :)

Posted on:
Fri, 16/03/2018 - 21:43

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

You would have been in dispair if you had bet and won anyway. You think that would be your last ever bet had you placed it? You won by not betting again, as you have 352 other days in a row. Look after yourself, you're worth more than a bet.

Have a good weekend. =)

Posted on:
Thu, 22/03/2018 - 11:31

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 359

About this time last year I was made redundant and now I might be looking at possible redundancy again. A bit annoyed I seem to have been hired to do a specific contract which was always going to end last month so they should have hired a contracter and not a permanant member of staff. Only been at this company 10 months so there will be no redundancy package. Meh.

Feeling a bit low but not as bad as last week when Cheltenham was on.  

Posted on:
Sat, 24/03/2018 - 16:21

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 361

Twisted part of me wanted to have a bet today. I know I will not be cured when I reach a whole year gamble free but I dont know what my motivation to abstain will be like when I reach my target. Once I get a year, I am going to stop counting the days. I hope I dont feel less motivated when I dont have a target anymore.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 11:35

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Day 364

A little underwhelmed. About a year ago I would have been very negative about chances of going a year without gambling and I would have thought I would have been happier about actually achieving the milestone of 1 year gamble free. I think its cos I dont feel committed to going 2 years gamble free and with Aintree coming up I know I will have the chance of contributing to a sweapstake and I will be very tempted. Also, I have been giving myself rewards for reaching certain marks and I cannot think of anything to buy for reaching 1 year mark. I think cos I feel guilty of prospect of having a bet one day.

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 12:13

samba79

Joined:
2018-03-22

I feel different reading your posts than I do anyone else’s degenerate. Please be careful.

One year without gambling is an amazing achievement but maybe you should start to look at your options again as it seems your mind is dragging you back in, maybe book to see a councilor?

Posted on:
Tue, 27/03/2018 - 13:29

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@samba After a year, I want a cure but thats not going to happen. I am always going to be a gambling addict and I am always going to have that sickly feeling when I think of gambling. I have tried counselling in the past. I have been on this site for a while I have read through it extensively. I know what advice I will get and I know what I SHOULD do. I just need to accept I will always be like this. Meh.

Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 10:32

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

A whole year

Great, I managed a whole year without gambling. 

I am cured... not really. Not at all.

Feels like Day 1. I want to have a bet. I will try stay strong as I might be paying for a holiday soon. Holiday will be my 1 year reward. No money and no holiday will be the reward if i have a bet.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 13:39

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Congratulations on your gamble free year.

It is heartbreaking to read that the compulsion to gamble is still with you. I really don't know what to say except well done on not giving in to the urges.

Hopefully, by staying on the gamble free road, you will one day be totally free from the insidious influence of gambling addiction...stephen 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 29/03/2018 - 13:53

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Well done on reaching 1 year gamble free, a great achievement .... good also to have a goal or something to aim towards like a holiday, keep fighting those urges which i know can be so difficult sometimes but you have done it for 1 year now so you know it can be done ... wishing you well in your continued recovery.

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 09:12

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@Stephen @chartom3 Thanks loads for your kind comments. I know its a great achievement, I failed many times trying to reach a year. I will try and be positive the next few days. 

 

Another day

I am not going to count the days anymore. Getting to a certain number of days is nice. However, nothing really changes unless you focus on recovering. I am not sure how I will start recovering when I am thinking of gambling after a year.

A bad day yesterday. I did not book a holiday as friends and family are completely unreliable. Thursday it was 100% on for Friday, next day, oh maybe book later.  I was very annoyed and while at a friends for drinks, I got sucked in to playing some free online poker. Just a silly points game, not free money for signing up. I do not enjoy poker but a few gambling feelings returned. When I lost a decent hand, I was gutted, mind in a small haze, I want to win the next immediately and the game plan went out of the window. Earlier in the day, I walked past several bookmakers and it was different to walking past them before I got to one year. I felt a jolt of something and was tempted but I had my holiday and needed to keep my money for that, ha! I am going to need to be strong the next few weeks.

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 13:06

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Well done mate

Posted on:
Fri, 30/03/2018 - 22:27

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Dear Degenerate,

Huge congratulations on the year gamble-free. 

It sounds like you have hit your target and now you are at a bit of a loss where to get your focus and motivation from to carry on with your recovery. This is normal, especially when you reach a mile-stone. It sounds to me that it would be perhaps helpful for you to find a different measuarable target from here on in, other then number of days/weeks/months. This could be amounts of money saved, this could be a bucket list of things you want to do or experience because you have the time and the funds.

I appreciate that it is a bit of a blow when you are looking forward to doing something with other people and it is difficult to get them to commit. So why not consider going on holiday by yourself? You could do some kind of activity holiday and this would also be an opportunity to not only see new places and experience new things but also to meet new people.

I really hope you will be able to keep on the recovery path, it perhaps would help to try a different angle.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Sat, 31/03/2018 - 08:32

Ineffable

Joined:
2015-02-21

Hey D, congrats on a year.  I know you are not exactly jumping about shouting it from the rooftops but just take a quiet moment to realise the huge milestone you have just passed - lots on here would give anything to have travelled so far.  I treat myself each month I am GF so am having my third treat this year - can’t imagine what I will get for my year milestone but it will be memorable- to mark the occasion and show how important it is for me to reach a year. As you say the pull of gambling will never go away but it will be less intense, mostly.  Enjoy the moment and don’t dwell on the future - one day at a time is the best way to remain GF.  When I get to a year I am likely to only come back to this site very occasionally so understand your decision. I wish you the very best for the future. Well done!

Posted on:
Sat, 31/03/2018 - 19:04

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@Adam Cheers man.

@Eva Thanks for your advice. I have considered going on a holiday myself. Thought about booking something work-related last year but I didnt find something I was interested in at a nice price. I still might go on the planned holiday but I am waiting to find out if going with friends is completely dead in the water. I wouldnt say it is very likely though I will go alone. 

@Ineffable Thanks for your comment. Yeah I know I should be joyous at going a whole year gamble free. I never thought it was possible and it has been really difficult getting here. I must have gone in a bookies or watched racing 50 times. Like you, I really want to buy something memorable that I can feel chuffed about having. I cannot think of anything though. 

 

A Saturday after payday

Small urges this morning. I planned ahead though and made sure I was very busy. Doing lots of small unimportant errands I had not got round to doing.

Oh ffs, signing up to play free poker is a regret. The number of offer emails I have had 2 days after playing is crazy. Unsubscribed from each of them.

 

Posted on:
Sun, 01/04/2018 - 18:57

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Sun, 01/04/2018 - 22:52

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Congratulations degenerate, one year gamble free is something you should be shouting from the rooftops. Yes it's maybe not how you wanted it to be/feel, yes you're still getting massive urges but to say you have gone a whole year and not lost a penny to gambling is a massive achievement.
I also think small goals are maybe the answer. Treats are always good. To be able to see something or do something for your money might help you to realise that gamble free is definitely the right road to take. You say that you find it very difficult, if you read my latest post you'd also know that I do too. I've looked at my bank balance so many times since getting paid in the last few days. For one reason and another I have a bit of money left after paying bills. I'm not used to this so to see it sat in my bank and to lay and think about it in bed at night helps me to feel good about myself. This helps because most of the time I feel like I'm going to press the self-destruct button!
Anyway, enough of my waffling. Please don't give in now, the path you've had to walk has been a treacherous one. You have to believe you can continue to do it and that the path with get easier. The reason for that is because you deserve it and you're worth it!! All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 02/04/2018 - 02:20

itsbeenalonglongtime

Joined:
2018-01-21

I appreciate the honesty I read here. Navigating through life is difficult enough with a pathological addiction.
Thanks

Posted on:
Fri, 06/04/2018 - 20:13

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Aaaaaaargghhh **. I have been gambling since Monday. A whole 5 days. I am a useless, stupid waste of space. No controlled or carefully calculated bets. I get in a fkn mess after one loss and cannot control myself. Time to get some passport photos. I will write a much longer post fairly soon. I do not have the energy at the moment.

Posted on:
Fri, 06/04/2018 - 21:31

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi degen,

Really sorry to hear that you have had a lapse.  Unfortunately this can be part of the process.  What's good is that you are here, you are posting and that you are planning to carry on with  your recovery. 

Perhaps it would be a good idea to call the HelpLine 0808 8020 133  or the NetLine just to have a one-to-one chat to discuss why and how this lapse happened, and what else you could do to avoid this in the future. 

Keep posting

All the best,

Forum Admin

Posted on:
Fri, 06/04/2018 - 21:52

Julie_36

Joined:
2017-10-23

​Hi Degen...it seems like choosing to gamble again after getting to the year, was a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. You have to decide if you really want to be gamble free. Going in the bookies and talking about what horse would have won you what money, doesn't help that. Best of luck, but just think about it, do you really want to give up?Julie

Posted on:
Fri, 06/04/2018 - 22:13

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@ForumAdmin I will give Netline a try in the morning.

@Julie_36 No more watching any racing. I need to give it up.

Posted on:
Fri, 06/04/2018 - 22:18

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

The plan
Surely, I have learned from past mistakes. If I gambled again, I will studiously go through form calculating the mostly likely winner based on recent results, the jockey, the ground and distance. I will not have bets on every race I see in bookmakers, I will only place small bets while watching TV racing as that is the only bit I miss these days.

Day 1
I overheard someone talking about a good thing. A top tipster had indicated he knew the owners of some horse. Something along those lines anyway, I barely remember but it was enough for me to think about a bet all day. I have been in a bad mood for a while due to original planned holiday cancellation and impending redundancy (probably) at work. I withdrew £300 and planned to place all the money on the one horse. An ordinary low class Monday race. Not what I had planned. I placed a £200 bet and took 7/2. I remember thinking I would use the leftover £100 to win my money back WHEN it lost. I was planning to chase before it lost. The horse won, quite easily. I felt a little guilt about gambling and not putting £300 on but I was still pleased. I thought I will definitely put £700 in the bank and have some more fun with the £300 I had. So I keep betting and I had a couple of losers but I had more winners. I was betting on horses, dogs and virtual cartoons. Again not meeting the plan requirements. I left the shop after about 9 races with £1500 bulging out my pockets.  When I got home I did feel numb about gambling again. I did not have a lot of sleep.

Day 2
£1500 straight in the bank first thing in the morning. I thought about gambling before going to the bank. I didn’t. I thought about it again at lunch. I didn’t gamble. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t gamble again till maybe Saturday when some decent races were on. Something crappy happened at work, a minor problem that was something out of nothing. After work I went straight to the bookies thinking it would cheer me up. I gambled £300 from cash machine. Lost it all quickly. I went to the bank and withdrew £500 and lost it quickly. I was thinking I had not really lost as I will still up for the week. I withdrew another £500 and I was down to £200 when I lumped on a horse cos it was the right odds for me to win all my money back. NOT because I liked the form of the horse. I was relieved when it won and I had the previous days winnings back. I put money back in the bank. One of the cashiers quite rightly giving me strange looks since I was in 4 times. 

Day 3 and Day 4
Similar story to Day 2 but with more losses. I kept losing and winning my money but I stopped put my money back in the bank. Eventually, I lost all the winnings I had won. Technically, I was still up because I bought a couple of things I couldn’t justify purchasing while I was a non-gambler who looked after his finances.

Day 5
Even though I had bought a few hundred pounds worth of stuff from gambling winnings. I worked out I was still £10 down in cash. So I had to win that back so I could be cleansed from this small gambling mishap. Today, when I went into the bookies my first bet was £60 on a 5/1 shot. I was not trying to just win back £10. I was fooling myself. My gambling all week had been stupid, uncontrolled and shameful. In one day I have lost £2000 supposedly chasing £10. I just kept going bigger and bigger while chasing. I think £2000 is my new record.

A few points

  • I was betting big on virtual racing.
  • I was betting on horses that were ‘the right odds’ all the time. No checking form.
  • I started using my Debit card in shops. Never did that before. Probably cos I had no savings.
  • I have been dieting and its been difficult. While gambling, I have not been eating and I didn’t notice.
  • Greed. I got myself into a good situation financially. I only had some savings and only had 2 big debts. I was trying to win huge to pay them off.
  • I got very excited during close finishes. Unlike me, I was very loud and vocal in shops when things were going well.

 

The day before I started gambling
As discussed earlier in this thread, I had been thinking of going on holiday on my own and I decided I would sometime last week. I got an email alert notification saying one of my target holidays had been reduced to a nice price. I bought the holiday (with my CC cos I believe its better insured that way) and felt good as this was a nice reward for going a whole year gamble free. While gambling, I bought a few things for the holiday with gambling money. Now the holiday feels tainted. Credit cards were both at zero. I used them for cash withdrawals. CCs not at zero anymore, will it be the same relaxing holiday knowing I have undone so much good work. Now, I will not be able to pay off the CC in full at end of the month.

 

“I can NEVER gamble again.” 
“After one bet I lose control and gamble stupidly”

Do you know who wrote the above in my notes? Me. Who else? Why do I not learn?

Sorry for the incoherent ramble.

Cheers,
Degenerate

Posted on:
Sat, 07/04/2018 - 00:00

PositiveAction

Joined:
Before 2009

Deleted

Posted on:
Mon, 09/04/2018 - 13:12

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

I appreciate the long well written post @PositiveAction. I will respond when I have some time. I left my laptop charger at work over the weekend and was unable to reply to this thread or chat with Netline. No gambling though.

Posted on:
Mon, 09/04/2018 - 14:54

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hope your feeling ok. What's done is done. Regrettable but not the end of the world.

It seems you now have to choose whether to continue on your gamble free journey, a little bruised maybe but still standing tall.

The other option doesn't even bear thinking about as we all know where gambling takes us. We spiral out of control and become wretched shadows of our former self. Sad, lonely and pathetic.

Take care my friend. Whatever choice you make I wish you well...stephen 

Posted on:
Tue, 10/04/2018 - 03:35

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

A few things I forgot.

 

While gambling

When I won, I thought I might as well pop into the post office with lots of pounds to change into euros for my holiday. I was offered about 10 euros short of what I could have got from an online travel money provider. I walked out post office as that would not be a good financial decision, I then walked into a bookies. Lost all the money. Stupid.

In order to chase money later in the night I managed to find an online account that appeared to still be active. However, there was a problem with payment and I had to phone Support. Turned out when you turn off account for a certain period like I did you have to answer a bunch of questions related to gambling. I acted all surprised when I got asked a bunch of questions like "Do you gamble longer than intended", "Do you gamble with money you dont have", "Do you lie about your gambling", etc. I am sure we all know the kind of questions. I answered "No" to all of them. I felt crappy afterwards. When I logged into the account again I did not have the ability to gamble just the ability to cancel the "re-activation" process. I did. I still gambled the next day.

I had a girl I see regularly in my gym come up and speak to me today. "Did you get any winners today?". I am now fairly sure she works in the bookmakers near the gym. I guess my mind was too occupied to notice when I was gambling. 

Posted on:
Tue, 10/04/2018 - 03:50

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@PositiveAction :) I like the Rocky quote. I agree. I was not committed enough to stop gambling forever. I need to be totally uninterested in watching horse racing. I am still reeling from the 5 days gambling. I cannot believe I was so out of control so quickly. I had plenty warnings. I knew I should have stopped when up or while loss was minimal. I am addicted to losing all my money. I hope I have another full year of no gambling too. Thanks.

Posted on:
Tue, 10/04/2018 - 03:59

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

@Stephen

Yes, I am feeling very sad, lonely and pathetic. I feel it was just a bump in the road though. Taking the loss on the chin and getting back to recovery. I choose to restart the gamble free journey. Thanks Stephen. 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 16/05/2018 - 21:34

adam123

Joined:
2015-06-09

Hi degen just a post to say I hope ur alright, I managed 114 days then relapsed it happens. Just think all that time not gambling for that year is worth something u have the knowledge and experience to do it again.

Posted on:
Sun, 20/05/2018 - 12:40

degenerate

Joined:
2013-05-10

Thanks mate, I appreciate the thought. I have not gambled for a couple of weeks. I have not visited Gamcare for a bit as I didnt want to remind myself of my gamling problem. Been keeping really busy. Just very disappointed in myself. I feel I have started again and another gamble free period has begun. 

Been making excuses to myself for a few weeks to not sign up for self exclusion but I finally ran out of excuses today and gave them a call. Unfortuantely, I have been on hold with them for 16 minutes and nobody is picking up.

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