Lying

HI Cardhue,

Just a quick update. I've not had time to craft a reply to your e-mail yet (froma week ago), although you'll see from how the challenge is evolving I have taken some of the sentiment of what you have said on board. I don't necessary agree with some of your points, but so be it, this whole 'recovering gambler' space is hightly subjective and personal so that's fine. I will respond more fully soon. All the best, Mixer

Hi

I use to fear being honest because as a child when I was asked to be honest I was punished for it.

I associated that being honest would be painful.

I also feared being honest because I felt that I would be abandoned or rejected.

That to was a child hood painful trauma experience.

Today I can be honest with out adversely affecting other people or myself.

I use to have a drink before mixing with people.

I use to fear doing work shops.

 Now I do work shops every six weeks, there was one fear of being asked question I did not have an answer to.

Then one day it happened, I was asked question I did not have an answer to, my reaction to the question was to laugh.

And to this day I do not even remember the question.

I do work shops and ask people questions and open up stimulation honesty.

Participation is very important that is how team work.

When asked how I am it is a question or is it an observation that people feel that I am not myself today.

I use to say I loved people, that was not a statement it was very much conditional, I was expecting some in return. 

Can I be myself today, can I tell people when I feel vulnerable, can I ask for help, can I give of myself unconditionally today, can I love unconditionally today, can my inner child come out to play today.

When children look at me and smile at me are they interacting with me as an adult or are they interacting with my healed inner child today.

When I lie am I cheating myself.

When I lie do fears grow in me.

When I lie do I adversely affect my relationships with other people and with myself.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

The unhealthy habit of telling lies started long before my addictions and obsessions.

I was a victim in my child hood, it was very painful and caused me to want to protect my hurt inner child.

Hence the facade the pretence that I was some thing I was not.

The more pains I suffered and all kinds of abuse I built high walls built of fears.

These high walls built of fear protected my hurt inner child.

Sadly these high walls built of fear stopped me from having intimate relationships with other people.

Only once my fears reduced could I come out of myself and trust other people.

With each lie comes greater fears, the saying that honesty is the best policy is about having healthy relationship with myself and only then can I have healthy relationship with other people.

We  lie about our finances for me it was about my fears of rejection or abandonment or pain.

As a child when ever I was honest I was punished for it one way or another.

I grew up associating being honest as being painful.

In the rooms of recovery our fears reduce and our trust grow.

It is when we do step five that our fear of emotional intimacy really get healthier.

Now being honest can be done with out adversely affecting another person it is healthy.

Sadly people will often be honest to the point where they cause anther person pain, are they dumping their pains fears and frustration onto another person, is that in any way healthy.

In the past people would say that they wanted justice, is that true, or are they saying the want vengeance, will they find healing and emotional resolve and healing through their vengeance, for me not so.

In living a lie we only cheat our self.

Is abstaining on its own enough for me today.

How much time and energy am I willing to out in to my recovery.

How much do I value myself today.

I found that the reward for working my recovery is pride with in myself.

How much is of my hurt inner child is healed today.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Dave , it's yet  another GA  flyer on a 2 year old thread , it's becoming very much like when you wake one morning and know the Circus is coming to town because someone's slapped loads of red and yellow posters  all over the front of closed down shop's .