How many people are ready to give up gambling but not ready to give up being an addict?

I'm ready to give up both but I don't think I will never not be an addict.its always going to be there. 

Dunno if that makes sense mate?

For me i'm someone who does get hooked. If it wasnt gambling it was fifa and once i stopped those 2 its now overtime im addicted to.

I think theres 2 parts to it for me. I first of all want to be the best at anything i do and never want to miss an opportunity which gives you a small insight to me being addicted to the above.

The 2nd part is if the adiction would give me a rush i.e. fifa beating someone else, overtime..my salary at the end of the month etc.

However the above are done in isolation and although i may get a rush its not something i can enjoy with my family and friends and its what i would consider an artificial high. 

Its easy to get lost in that world as it feels like your in a different reality and it takes you away from your daily routine. 

With the right help and support i believe you can get away from being an addict.

Hi Signalman,

I think addiction is some kind of malfunction in the brain that by nature latches on to one of our weaknesses as human beings, be it drinking ,gambling or some other habit we indulge in.  Latching on is one thing but being in control is another. It's all too apparent in CGs it's won the battle and taken complete control. It's a silent predator that so cunning that it's taken control before we realise it's coming.

That's what makes our journey, our battle so tough. It's like being attacked by a wild, vicious & out of control  dog. You would think most people would fight back when it has your arm or leg between it's teeth, whereas CGs tend to wait until it has us by the throat. Sadly this is the point it has to come to before CGs fight back. Unfortunately like every other battle some don't win the fight. Challenging the beast takes an awful lot of strength & determination. 

Kind Regards & Stay Strong My Friend

AL

Thanks guys. Some interesting thoughts.

I've been a hapless addict all my life. I sort of got used to it and managed to integrate it into my existence. I have achieved many things that non-addicted people haven't. I achieved stability in life both in family life and financially (until gambling destroyed all that)

Initially addiction gave me something to look forward to after a long day slogging it out in the daily grind. Then I managed to incorporate it into my daily routines, eventually it was something to look forward to from the moment I woke up.

I tried cutting out many of my addictions when my son was born. It was at this point when the gambling really came to the fore.

On a base level - I gave up gambling for periods then got drunk and gambled or high on something or other and gambled...

But I'm not really talking about this... I gave up smoking at the turn of this year because every time i lit up I got a sinking feeling... "How can you even be attempting to tame the beast that has brought you down when you are still a slave?"

Each time I indulge an addiction, even one that doesn't directly affect those around me, I get a sinking feeling. So I had no choice to work on giving them all up, one by one.

Now I feel I'm no longer a slave, I'm liberated in fact. If I smoke a ciggy any time soon I'll probably beat myself up about it but at least I didn't gamble and ruin my family's life again.

Speaking of which... I am also addicted to beating myself up, putting unnecessary pressure on myself, lacking self-worth, procrastinating and hiding my vulnerabilities from others. 

Is lack of attention to these deterimental to my ongoing wellbeing and resolve against gambling or should I just focus on staying off a bet and sod the rest?

My best friend (in recovery for other issues) has always told me "we don't have to live like saints you know"

But the thing is, I think I want to have a go at that. It sounds appealling and the more addictions I get control of... The more excited I become about the future.

Holycrosser - totally agree... We'll always be addicts. However if I can gain mastery over my addictions can they just become dark places that exist on the periphery (a bit like North Korea in relation to the Western world)

Hi,

It's a very interesting topic and this is my opinion based on my journey over the last 10yrs. 

If I had to answer this question 1 year into my recovery my answer would have been very different to today's response. 

I tried giving up gambling many times and even when I did manage it there was always something that quickly filled it's place (exercise, drinking, impulse shopping, eating junk, too many caffeinated drink, s*x). I had another issue with discontentment (needing to fill all my time and not being able to sit in peace and quiet relaxing). The third issue I had was a continued strong need to be the best at everything I did (i realised that this ego boosting was needed to feel the space of my lack of self worth).

So 1yr in to my recovery I would have said that addiction is in my genetics and that's just the way I am. Fast forward another 8 and a half years of personal growth via CBT therapy work and I would say the opposite of the previous statement. I've realised now that from working on my relationship with myself is that there is no longer a need for me to be self distracted by busyness, uplifted by ego or mood enhanced by other substitutes . I didn't realise that I abandoned myself so much from early childhood when I believed I was no good. It's taken years of challenging work to find the loving healthy relationship that I never had due to my dysfunctional relationships with important role models during my developmental years. I had a major issues with lack of unconditional self acceptance (some of the conditions of my self acceptance were success, money, job, appearance, needing to be liked and approved of being everyone as I didn't like myself deep down, having to be perfect, people pleasing and feeling like a fake). I now have total self acceptance and love who I am today (not superficial ego but inherent core love) and having this has taken away the need for all the addictive behaviours that were consuming me.

I live my life today with balance.

I work a few hours a day as a CBT therapist helping others with mental health issues (this gives me purpose), I do activities which I enjoy (these give me pleasure), I spend time with male and female friends (these have helped challenge my social issues and help build self esteem and confidence) and most importantly I have 4-5 hours a day that I spend in peace with myself relaxing.

If anyone told me that I would be living like this 9yrs ago I would have said no chance but what I've come to realise is that although life events and habitual behaviour moulded me in to a certain way of living I can also be moulded in to something different if I seek out help and choose to change. 

Thank you very much for opening up this topic for debate and have enjoyed reading other people's opinions based on their journeys so far.

Kind regards.

My worry in the future is how I handle being debt free, it’s a 3-4 year journey which I have to be GF , no exceptions.

only then can I fully discover if I can master this addiction 

Hi mate, 

I had exactly the same situation as you just mentioned. Early in recovery I spent alot of time living in the past or in the future, when in fact all I had was the moment I was in. What I discovered was that in order for me to need a fix something had to be broken (that something was me). So what I would say is that if you continue to work on yourself over the next 3-4 years then the likelihood of you rerurning to gambling is minimal. I never thought I would be able to handle having large amounts of money available and time on my hands without gambling but it just goes to show what's possible. 

It's shame I was so focused on the destination, fears and anxieties that I missed out on the enjoyment of the early part of my recovery. 

Kind regards.

Posted by: Walliss77

Hi,

It's a very interesting topic and this is my opinion based on my journey over the last 10yrs. 

If I had to answer this question 1 year into my recovery my answer would have been very different to today's response. 

I tried giving up gambling many times and even when I did manage it there was always something that quickly filled it's place (exercise, drinking, impulse shopping, eating junk, too many caffeinated drink, s*x). I had another issue with discontentment (needing to fill all my time and not being able to sit in peace and quiet relaxing). The third issue I had was a continued strong need to be the best at everything I did (i realised that this ego boosting was needed to feel the space of my lack of self worth).

So 1yr in to my recovery I would have said that addiction is in my genetics and that's just the way I am. Fast forward another 8 and a half years of personal growth via CBT therapy work and I would say the opposite of the previous statement. I've realised now that from working on my relationship with myself is that there is no longer a need for me to be self distracted by busyness, uplifted by ego or mood enhanced by other substitutes . I didn't realise that I abandoned myself so much from early childhood when I believed I was no good. It's taken years of challenging work to find the loving healthy relationship that I never had due to my dysfunctional relationships with important role models during my developmental years. I had a major issues with lack of unconditional self acceptance (some of the conditions of my self acceptance were success, money, job, appearance, needing to be liked and approved of being everyone as I didn't like myself deep down, having to be perfect, people pleasing and feeling like a fake). I now have total self acceptance and love who I am today (not superficial ego but inherent core love) and having this has taken away the need for all the addictive behaviours that were consuming me.

I live my life today with balance.

I work a few hours a day as a CBT therapist helping others with mental health issues (this gives me purpose), I do activities which I enjoy (these give me pleasure), I spend time with male and female friends (these have helped challenge my social issues and help build self esteem and confidence) and most importantly I have 4-5 hours a day that I spend in peace with myself relaxing.

If anyone told me that I would be living like this 9yrs ago I would have said no chance but what I've come to realise is that although life events and habitual behaviour moulded me in to a certain way of living I can also be moulded in to something different if I seek out help and choose to change. 

Thank you very much for opening up this topic for debate and have enjoyed reading other people's opinions based on their journeys so far.

Kind regards.

 

Couldn't agree more Walliss. It's exactly (almost word to word) what I spoken about  with my counsellor gone week. 

I am very happy you reached that balance in your life. This is my ling term goal too. 

Thank you for sharing this and giving me hope that this is indeed possible.

Best wishes,

Sandra

Hi Sandra,

Thank you for the kind reply.

My journey of change has been no walk in the park but it has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. As I explain to my clients that when our beliefs and perceptions are combined with situations we get an emotional state which then leads to behaviours and finally consequences. Alot of the time we have no control over situations and people so we need to be adaptable in the way we apply ourselves to life so that we don't become emotionally unstable and need to escape or self medicate. 

It's amazing how you can put a number of different people in a difficult situation and that they will all display different emotional states. This goes to show that it's not what we face in life but how flexible and adaptable we are that determines how disturbable we are as human beings.

I would like to recommend a book that I believe is very life enhancing if you apply it to your life. My clients that have bought it have found it very beneficial to their recovery. 

This is the link - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Change-Your-Thinking-CBT-Overcome/dp/0091906954

Kind regards. 

I am gamble free but I am never complacent. The complexity  is that it may always reside in us to some extent. I have the strength and serenity to know that its a possible weakness of mine given the wrong set of circumstances or trigger points. Therefore I discuss it and feel prepared for it

However look at gamblers that you think are in control. What is there to really admire about them? The guy that blows £50 in a pub fruity will tell you he can handle it. In reality he has just chucked away £50 on a whim and a prayer. The guys in the bookies with their deluded banter. They will say they are not addicts but I disagree

Very few of us have money to chuck away. I know that many more people are addicted but thay havent faced it yet.

I also think we are all on the scale of addiction to something but most of it is much less harmful than a gambling addiction. I cant think of much that eats money like a gambling addiction.

Ive been a social smoker...I havent had a cigarette since january 5th...see not addicted. Im enjoying a gin and tonic now but dont go overboard into alcoholism...not addicted

Gambling though. I know total abstention is the only way for me. 

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Thanks for some great replies.

Ok... I think it boils down to peace and tranquility... Serenity if you want to call it that.

Everyone's perception of that will be unique and different, as long as you have it that's the main thing.

I'm still thinking in the black and white world of an addict clearly (all or nothing) which is clearly leaving me unsettled.

I think based on responses I'm just going to continue on this path of complete abstainence - only because I'm enjoying it rather than thinking its this way or the highway.

I get it Walliss... I really get what you're saying. If I introduce enjoyment, pride and satisfaction into my recovery - I'll probably stay off a bet for the foreseeable. If I keep "putting pressure on myself" to abstain, there's every chance I could cave at some point.

So in conclusion, if I smoke a ciggy tomorrow then so be it. But if I live a wholesome, healthy balanced life according to my means and metrics then I probably won't do that. 

If I beat myself up when I slip up I'll get into a hole. If I accept that I wouldn't be human if I didn't slip up then I can put the boxing gloves back in their box.

Thank you so much everyone.

Ps I'll have a look at that book you mentioned for sure... Thanks for the tip.

I think this is the case for all of us im afraid.

Hi.listening to all your stories really helps.i suppose once you admit that your at rock bottom,which I have been for a long time,then I can start to deal with the problem of addiction and the severe depression that comes along with it that affects the family life.have a good job but always broke.i know if I stay gambling free for few weeks that will ease somewhat.trying to stay busy and not think about it will be stressful but let's give it a go and see what happens...

Hi

For me the gambling was never about the money, the gambling for me was about escape and my emotional triggers.

The more I escaped indicated how much fear was inhibiting me from having a healthy intimate life with myself and with other people.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was a very unhealthy emotionally vulnerable person.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my feelings of boredom because I felt that life was boring, that I could succeed, that I avoided facing being accountable and I avoided facing challenges in my life.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.

When I moved from one addiction to another or swapped to an obsessions it indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

How willing am I to healing my hurt inner child today.

It was important for me to understand and learn each time I went back to gamble or another addiction what or an obsession my emotional triggers were.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham