It's an interesting concept I keep seeing about having no access to money.
I've been with my wife 8yrs..lived together 7 and half, married 5yr in aug we do not have a joint bank account..we do everything Half's..what is left is our own to do with how please. My wife has no self control either due to various mental health issue and autism, handing all financial situation to her would be a serious problem. I personally wouldn't let her have total control over my money anyway, just my personal view.
I'm interested to know how people who have feel? And is there anyone out there like me who isn't doing that too.
Hi libby , I'm the same me & hubby go 50/50 & what's left is our own & feel I need that element of self control for 2 reasons
1.i can prove I can do it & not get tempted
2. I don't want to be treated like a minor waiting for pocket money - that would demotivate me - the thought that I would have to ask for every penny even if i want to treat the grandkids to something would drive me potty and I work hard & feel if I want to take the grandkids to KFC or Mackies I shouldn't have to explain it but that's my view anyway
Well both go hand in hand with self-control. If you can not control your money and you are open and honest about that to yourselves then the idea of handing your economy over to someone else is perhaps a good one. I had to when I was younger. I could not have 100 pounds in my pocket before I got an ich. The idea of handing over money is that YOU cant deal with the control of it. I see a lot of denial in both your text and you should perhaps be more humble to the fact that administration could be keeping you alive. Many people here are still here because they took that step. I don't want to come across as hard but I am just asking humbly to respect it. It is in some cases a lifesaver.
Interesting point. I gave up cash and card access for 9 months plus after my addiction came to light and it was the main block i had in place. No money = no bookies slots. It was not always the amount of money spent gambling - it was the fact that i was still in the game. Still managing a punt even at the lowest stake i was still feeding my addiction.
Receipts were provided by me when required and when i got my cards back and i put them in a drawer for a while.
I agree this option is not suitable for all. When gambling was involved i had no willpower in any shape or form.
Maybe tough love and childish but it was the main reason i was able to address why i was gambling.
If you believe that you are a compulsive gambler one of the blocks that's suggested is to give over your access to money. For a lot of people the release of pressure by not having access to money is so good that unless there is a genuine reason for having it back they keep the block in place.
If you don't have the luxury of someone looking after it you can still be responsible by showing receipts for things bought as well as both of you looking at the account and being accountable for any transactions including cash withdrawals.
I have done both and now I have to be responsible for my own money, there is no other choice. I don't mind it but I also attend GA two or three times a week, when open, online meetings for now, I also work a recovery program as well as help others. I have a block on my card as well as Gamstop so I would say I'm quite well covered. The blocks and GA help with abstinence and the twelve step program is for recovery.
The key for me is to not pick and choose what you do, just do as much as you can to help yourself. Any excuse not to do something is just that, an excuse.
We mention it because its an important defense and block against the addiction. Im not saying that everybody will be able to do that as in the example you have given. If people dont want to do it they really have to question why, given the misery that gambling has caused them
It is something we recommend because recovery from this addiction takes more than willpower and basic blocks. You need a new relationship with money. What good was it to you when ill with gambling?
It can be your parents or someone you trust.
This addiction is a drug addiction Relapses are common and the restriction of access to cash is one of the best ways of enforcing the cold turkey which you have to do as your mind heals
Its not about treating you like a baby or waiting for pocket money. If set up well you would get access to an allowance without waiting but you would be asked to provide general evidence of how you are doing like receipts. You wouldnt be asking or begging for every penny...you would get a controlled flow and you would just have to mention you need shirts and trousers for example...receipts provided
Your addiction wont like it particularly but this is not about you being a grown adult with an ego or adults rights.
Time location and money must be monitored and all three must be looked at
The serenity is in realising the recovery isnt the problem. The devestating problem was our compulsive out of control gambling.
This is about saving your life. You have to ask yourself why you may feel uncomfortable with monitoring. Its nothing compared with the feeling of blowing thousands in no time.
This addiction comes back out of the blue triggered by anxiety bad news or even happiness. It laughs at the normal idea of willpower and it needs all the help it can get.
You have to start from the basics. the addition has hooked your mind. its a form of split mind control as you crave a drug. Its in your bones so you need the biggest measures to fight it
Its a surrender and serenity you are looking for. Yes you will rattle for a bit...thats the nature of coming off something addictive.
Its no time for a false pride about being a grown adult...this addiction ruins people..it has to be feared and respected
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Well yes but you have to weigh up that its a possible weakest link in the chain and compensate in other ways.
Of course we understand and many years ago I didn't have anyone close that could or would help me in that way.
Any serious money should really be protected. Long term savings accounts without immediate access but nothing beats someone close you really trust..just makes great sense given that you may have been out of control with gambling.
Its just food for thought. Many people start out with good intentions then end up confused and distressed when a relapse happens.
Keep talking about and being honest about your feelings. It s such a devastating addiction that even long breaks are no ultimate sign you have real control.
The point is that if you do get an uncontrollable urge you dont cause too much damage and can then strengthen up your future plans.
Its the people who sound tough that you will thank with this addiction. We cant force you to do anything..we just want to make you think and talk it through.
Its entirely your decision and I wish you all the best in your gamble free recovery
Thank you for starting this topic and thanks to everyone who have responded so far.
This is a really great topic for debate and it would sit really well in the Debates & Discussions section of the forum, so I've moved it there.
There are varying levels of financial controls available and what is right for one person might not be for another. If anyone wants to discuss their own options, feel free to contact the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat.
Feel free to keep the discussion going.
It really helps but if you cant libby then no worries you will just have to be careful as you will have the money there to gamble should you have a weak moment. I transfer all my money to my parents and im 39, but I still have an overdraft I could go into plus I could get a credit card etc there are ways of gambling whatever we do. Also I find if I go out I can only take cash out with me if im not going far so if I stumble and gamble I can only spend that limited amount of money. All the steps have come thru lessons thru the years of gambling thru the years. Everyones different tho what has been my problems may be completely different for you and you for me etc All the best.
Yes its a strong measure but tried and tested advice from people with years of experience.
I will always say that this addiction needs the strongest of measures to recover from it.
I looked at what money I had access to in town. I also looked at my behaviour and my reasons for being in town. I was doing a lot of aimless see where this road takes me type window shopping...not even that really... I was lonely and just had to get down into town but I never really liked the social atmosphere of the pubs or coffee bars.
To be even more honest its not a town centre I like...its souless with the same rows of chain shops as in any other town. Not much money being spent on other infrastructure and its quite run down in many areas.
I dont think gambling dens should be on the high street and they play on the fact that in some areas there doesnt seem much spark or much else to do
I was searching for something that wasnt there and I would rather have skulked off to the slot machines
I had to take a long hard look at myself and I realised that I am not to go out into such areas without a definite aim. I try and be with my new girlfriend...I may do some individual shopping but Im always heading back to her and we will go off to the cafe in the park or somewhere we really like. Not in a clingy way but it gives me more purpose with my free time
Its a big step restricting access to your own money and of course its not going to be a comfortable feeling. However I would argue that I had found a relief and serenity to be getting that sort of help
Therefore restricted access to money was not a problem compared to the misery of gambling addiction.
Time and new behaviour does heal the mind.
I can never be complacent again for the rest of my life but I make this a positive statement
Best wishes to everyone on the forum