Getting Over Being A CG

Hi Al, There is a program for codependents "CODA". I'm not saying that you are codependent. I am suggesting that you check it out. I use the coda program for growth and healing work around feelings of shame, unworthiness, self esteeme. I find great information and support with this program. tara2

Hi Al, I also feel shame and self hatred. It’s hard not too when I think of all I’ve lost due to my cg. All the money, time all the lies to my loved ones. The demons haunt me too. The thoughts get in my head what a horrible person I am, then the whisper of you should go to the casino you’ll feel better.

I wish I had some good advice, I can only suggest you try to forgive yourself. I’m working on that so I slowly feel better about myself.

Can’t change what I’ve done, I can only try to do better. I’m 23 days gf and I fight for every day.

Stay strong Carol

Hi Al.

You have made some great posts. The important thing is not to be too hard on yourself. It got to many of us so you are not alone.

Aim for moments of serenity, a calmness and a born again feeling. The thought process has to run along the lines of that money is gone but you are still with us and realising whats important in life.

Some people are not with us anymore through gambling so we have to be thankful for what we have tonight.

I know it can be hard at first but the process must run along the lines of it was only money and what are you going to do today to make yourself and others feel good. We are controlled by society and its obsession with money. I had an ill relationship with life and money. What would you pay for a cup of water in the desert...its only money...they cant get blood out of a stone (relating to any debts)... and there is actually life after bankruptcy as Ive been there. The bottom line is that your health/mental health is more important than any of these worries that may play on your mind

We can forgive ourselves because I was simply not in control of my own mind. Its now classed in the same chapter as substance addiction like alcohol and other hard drugs.

Another key point is learning about this addiction and how it may always be within us. It can be controlled so that you wont really want to do it again. However that involves building close relationships and discussing what makes you tick and what may trigger it out of the blue.

I know its not all my fault and I have never thought that. I was offered temptation and became hooked. It wasnt really about the money when I was heavily addicted. When you fully understand how the addiction works on troubled souls, you will become at peace with yourself

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Al,

From what you have said in the past I imagine that providing you stay clean then your partner will forgive you. In which case, and again providing you stay clean, you have to slowly forgive yourself.

Take pleasure in the little things that cost nothing. Talking to her, listening to her (without being distracted by the thought of the favourite in the last at Fakenham).

I barely went to the supermarket with my wife on n the past. Was happy to go myself as I could always dive in to the bookies on the way, or happy for her to go on her own meaning I could have an hour on the exchanges on the laptop.

It sounds daft, but it’s little things like going to Aldi with her and planning the weeks meals that keep me half sane.

You are a great source of strength and encouragement to many on here. Something to be proud of, no ?

As ever in unity, strength, solidarity & resistance.

K2

Hi All,

Thanks for your suport & kind words. This aint about my wife, son or daughter forgiving me its about being able to forgive myself. I look back over 40 years and everyone could see the collision course i was on EXCEPT ME. Jesus how could anyone be so dumb and blind for so long. Dont think i will go back to gambling but right now i feel im heading to a different place but a dark place nevertheless. Aint been to gymn, not many dog walks and hours spent thinking of my sins of the past. I know ive got to move on and go forward but motivation just seems to have abandoned me lately. Who knows tommorow another day maybe ill feel different.Just hope perhaps these awful times are part of the journey of recovery. Wing and a prayer.

Worst of all the fact that my wife told me when i couldnt buy her much for xmas that the best xmas she could have is a gamble free husband didnt make me happy, quite the opposite. I think it would have eased the guilt if shed hit me over the head with something heavy at least i could think WELL YOU FINALLY GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED. Im really screwed up and wish people wouldnt give me the opposite to what i really deserve. Makes me feel worse not better.

I think recovery is so hard. Its hard enough breaking the habit of a life time and ridding your brain of that buzz and thirst for excitement Gently treading across a mine field with your finger in your ear telling yourself you aint gonna get blown up.that happens to other people not me. But oh lord above dealing with the aftermath for me is the real struggle. To the CGs in their teens 20s 30s 40s or even 50s i say this Look Listen and Learn because make no mistake this is where youre headed unless you get help.

Stay Strong

AL

Hi Alwalm,

Sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. Negative feelings can be difficult things to label, quanitfy and deal with. They can make us feel uncomfortable at times. Motivation is something that is not expected to be felt at a consistent level every day. You have had some supportive advice from the other users here and appear well-respected by others. Keep going with all your good work. If you need to talk to anyone one-to-one please do call an advisor on the Helpline 0808 8020 133.

Best Wishes,

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