I love all these inputs from everyone on this topic! 🙂
I used to always seek things that bought very quick and limited happiness/fulfilment but my life was a constant chase of the next thing to replace the last one. I'm fortunate that during my recovery I've got to travel the world with my wonderful wife and soak up the beauty of the natural world and have fulfilment from all the incredible memories that we have made from our experiences.
Ineffable sounds like a rollercoaster....long may you continue to have a good relationship with money and have the retirement you deserve.
I like this thread too Wallis!! i think we have all seeked those pleasures at some point in life and some find them easy to live with and others don't.
I did not respect money or respect myself.
I use to think that money would make me happy.
Not that way for me.
The money was just the fuel for my addiction.
Once in recovery I would calculate how many hours it takes to earn 1,000 pounds.
Then I would understand that by me going in to the gambling establishment giving the all of my money I was in effect working all those hours for nothing.
I did not value myself or value the money.
I heard in meetings that only when you love your self you can love other people.
I heard also in meetings that only when you respect your self you can respect other people.
One day I met with man who was very wealthy indeed, I asked him if he had reached his goals of having so much money.
The man was puzzled and talked to me, he asked do you think that my goals in my life was to get lots of money, I said yes.
He smiled and explained his goal in life was to be successful, his goals was never money.
He explained that being successful in what he does brings in money.
The question I asked my wife after being married along long time what was love.
Shirley told me that love is giving of your self unconditionally, at that time I could not do that.
So money gives me more choices, yet money will not bring me happiness.
The recovery program helps us heal our pains our self.
The recovery program helps us help our self.
The recovery program helps us become more and more aware and how to become healthy people and heal from the past.
We learn to have empathy for ourselves.
We learn to became people we would like to know.
There were some very healthy spiritual people in my life that were very healthy people, I saw myself in those people did not know it at the time.
Those healthy spiritual people helped me in some ways I did not understand at the time.
They helped me understand what a healthy person is like.
In the recovery program I would see and hear myself in those people I would identify with them, I would not only see the healthy in them but I would also see myself as I use to be.
From those people I understood if they could do it so could I.
Love and peace to every one.
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK.
No I've never had a healthy relationship with money, possessions, people and indeed life.
I feel that made me highly vulnerable to becoming a gambling addict.
I bought loads of stuff to make me feel happy but barely used most of it. I had more of an OCD complex about marking it rather than using the stuff. It seemed a comforter just to display it and try and present some false status to please myself. Cameras I never used and cars I got bored of way before time etc etc
Money....never had enough of it and never really had any ambition to work myself up the greasy pole or start something myself.......always saw risk and felt anxiety
I've been lonely depressive and anxious all my life. I Realise now that I hated all my earlier jobs but just plodded on at the time getting more depressed and stressed
I see how gambling started, crept into and took over my life. The truth is that it started through boredom and loneliness. It carried on as it was the only hit I was really seeking in an empty life.
In later life it took over completely as I didn't seem to have a purpose for any of my money.......oh can't afford a holiday then I would put more money in a slot machine.......so I could have had a good holiday but I was so jaded about everything.
For me there were definitely mental illnesses running in tandem with the gambling illness. They would feed off each other keeping me in a loop. Escape and self harm from a life I was not facing in a healthy way
So I hope my honesty makes others question themselves. A gambling addiction is deep and complex. It's most often related to other serious issues
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
What things make me feel good about myself today, I do not waste my money or time on unhealthy gambling, I do not want or need to lie today, I do not want or need to live in fear today, I do not want or need to be angry today, I do not want or need to live in fear of emotional intimacy today, I do not want or need to live with unhealthy habits today.
I am a non-religious person, No one could stop me gambling, that had to be own healthy choice each and every day.
My addictions an obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, when I could not cope with my feelings and emotions I would escape in unhealthy ways.
I used to lie because I feared being honest, thinking that honesty and accountability were going to be very painful.
The gambling establishments never made me lie, the gambling establishments never made me do any thing I did not want to do.
The gambling establishments knew the longer I stayed in there the more likely I was of losing my money win or lose I would come out with more pain than I had before I went in there.
If only I had, if I did it that other way, why me, and yet no matter how much fear pain or frustrated I was after a few hours of sleep I wanted to go back to self-punishment again and again.
The recovery program for me was a healing process, yet I could only heal my pains once I identified each of my pains.
Each pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
I understand that my needs and wants were not being fulfilled my parents, in fact at the end of my mother’s life she was still living in many fears.
When I paid off my big debts there was a debt to my mother, I agreed to pay her in full once I got other debts paid.
I said to Mum I am now ready to start paying you back, my mu laughed and said no, I argued with er for along time then one day she said to me that she would have twice the amount I owed her to have her son healthy once more.
I explained that the debt was not about the money but about me being responsible mature accountable and honest with myself.
And again, my mother said no, and that is final. It would have caused her pain for me to mention it anymore, so I let go of that debt.
The most important thing about my recovery is that people close to me no longer fear me, what is powerful is not only my pains being healed, but their pains are also being healed.
Once fears reduce trust becomes more often, the most important trust is being able to trust myself, to be honest with myself, as to what my feelings and emotions are, if I have any unhealthy reactions in any way.
I understand being consumed with my addictions I was not fully motivated, my thinking was I have to do this, or I have to do that, it was almost like I did most things resentfully, by being resentful I get no reward from doing things.
Being in the recovery program was nothing to do about us beating our self-up, in fact it is the exact opposite, to exchange all unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
I used to doubt myself, I use to avoid any commitment whatsoever.
In Calgary I decided t arrange ten pin bowling, sent out suggestions and asked people to put their name on the sheet, which was slow but getting nearer to the date people came more forward.
Sadly, they would not pay to the very last moment, I was committed to covering a certain amount of people personally.
The day was very successful and even after wards people did not want to go home, we all went and ate in a restaurant, and there were hours of stimulated sharing.
The second time I arranged it I was already aware of people procrastinating and again it went very well.
The longer I was in recovery I got to know myself and other people in recovery much more.
Yes, years ago, I walked into the recovery program a complete loner, full of fear and mistrust, did I think anything, or anyone would stop me gambling, not at all.
Yet in those days I was willing to give up all faith and hope in myself so very often.
Today I can say that gambling was not my problem, no for sure I was the problem, other people can gamble and walk away, for me that was not possible.
The most important things in my life today are healthy close intimate relationships and time, everything else comes third place after those.
The more I got into my recovery the more my steel was going to be tested. You would think it would get simpler, not so in time I got to sort things out in healthy ways.
The question is how much do I value myself today, how much do I love myself today, how much do I respect myself today, how much time and effort do I put into my recovery today.
Love and peace to everyone
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
@loux same want treat myself or tell the kids I can’t afford it but Throw it all away on gambling I have no value for money when it comes to slots it’s like it’s not real money because u can’t see it till u got to cash point and Realise you’ve got no money you spent it all gambling new day for me thou 🤞
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