Hi guys,
I thought I'd share with you what I feel has really helped prevent me from gambling. I feel it is necessary to write this post because everyone on Gamcare has been such a help to me and I want to help if I can. I understand everyone is different but here goes.
The first step was telling family, partner, her family and close friends. This was the hardest and most daunting. I couldn't hide my debt anymore anyway and I let it get to this before I was forced into making this decision. Looking back the overwhelming support I got it was the best decision of my life, when at the time I had suicidal thoughts because I was so ashamed and didn't see a way out. I did abuse the support and relapse but this was down to still not admitting to myself I had a real gambling addiction and having the correct blockers in place.
Step 2 - admitting I had a problem -I've now done this. Its very important.
Step 3 - GamStop. I really cannot praise it enough. Essentially it blocks you from having a casino in your pocket. I have tried to unsubscribe from it in the past and they wouldn't let me which is truly a life saver. I highly recommended it.
Step 4 - this one is difficult but I found it to be totally necessary. Giving your finances away to someone you trust. If you don't have any money you can't bet. Its not as simple as that though as I still found myself with the odd tenner in my pocket but you need to also be determined not to bet. Its not easy but it can be done.
Step 5 - attend GA - this was also daunting but it has really helped me. Being with like minded people who have been what you have been through and hearing how they overcome their issues is truly inspiring. I find myself relating to most things people say. They also offer advice that you can take onboard if you choose to. Gamcare is also a vital tool as whenever you need to talk either a member of staff or a fellow gamcare member is on hand to help. You guys are an inspiration to me.
Step 6 - identifying triggers. unpopular for most but I've stopped consuming alcohol. I found this to be a massive trigger and severely affected my judgement and concept of money. If I had a drink I had to put a bet on no matter what it was. I've found it difficult but I am determined to beat my gambling addiction so it's something that I feel I need to do.
Guys I'm sure that there are other steps that other members of gamcare can suggest but this is a start that really helped me. I am still yet to experience a one on one counselling session which I'm sure will help.
Remember you're not alone and there is always support on here to help you conquer this addiction.
Good luck, we can do this!
Hi BC and thanks for sharing. I'm 8 days GF and can relate to each and every point bar the GA (not attended a meeting yet).
One-to-one counselling is great and although i've only had one call it massively helped me when I was at a very very low point so would recommend.
Keep up the good work and feel free to reach out to me if you need:)
Everyone is different as you say
Hi
1 We admitted we were powerless over gambling - that our lives had become unmanageable.
For me in my life I was emotionally vulnerable long before my first bet or my first drink. Understanding my emotional triggers would help change my reaction to life situations and people in my life.
For me my emotional triggers were my pains that I could not heal, my fears I was not able to face, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of life situations and people, my loneliness, and my boredom.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living.
For me by attending meetings I would see and feel myself in other people, I would understand that my reactions to life were very unhealthy. That by attending meetings I would find a healthy way to interact rather than react in an unhealthy way.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
For me today to gamble would be an unhealthy choice on my part, that by abstaining from unhealthy habits was me setting up boundaries of things I am no longer willing to do or say today, these boundaries are a way of saying I care about myself today. That I want to be healthier today spiritually.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.
For me by taking inventory it is not about beating myself up, it is about learning from our past unhealthy habits. To identify both the healthy things about myself and the unhealthy things I say or do today.
5. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
For me this is about overcoming our fears of emotional intimacy, to gradually open up more and let our self be free of all fears and be willing to interact with other people in a healthy way. To let that hurt inner child have a healthy voice today. Becoming more accountable means I am becoming more mature in myself.
6. Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed.
Over time I would open up more and identify certain spiritual qualities I want in my life today. And to let go of certain unhealthy habits and unhealthy words that would adversely affect me and other people.
7. Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.
I am a non religious person. Shortcomings use to confuse me, I now understand it indicates my lack of healthy conduct, it also helps me understand I was deficient in nurturing skills, I was deficient in being able to articulate my feelings in a healthy way.
Shortcomings was an indicator that I was just unhealthy, not a failure, that over time I would learn and have certain healthier skills in dealing with life people and situations that occurred in my life.
I am not a religious person but do believe in healthy spiritual values and healthy spiritual actions, the spiritual recovery program is about healing pains from our past.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
By making out lists I am being accountable to myself. I use to think that by saying sorry to people was enough to repair relationships with people I have adversely affected by my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words. I also thought that by paying back money would repair relationships with people.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
By making amends is about healing relationships when people I have hurt are willing to talk to me once more. Over time if I am healthy they will learn to not fear me anymore or mistrust me anymore.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
An apology is not about who is right or wrong, An apology is about repairing damaged relationships with myself and with other people.
This is an action of maturity and by me taking inventory of my part I am willing to repair relationships with people who in the past I have hurt by my unhealthy actions and unhealthy words, and to repair bridges over damaged relationships. Every lie I told was a betrayal of people’s deep seated trust of me. With each lie I told came growing fears.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
I am not a religious person yet do believe and understand certain spiritual values are important to healthy lives and healthy relationships, and that healthy relationships are based up on honesty and unconditional giving of our self.
12. Having made an effort to practice these principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive gamblers.
Before my spiritual healing process I was so filled with fears, as we become healthier the fears within us fade and we start to trust more and feel more comfortable opening up more, as our relationship grows in the rooms we have more honesty in our life.
Today I do not have the same fears of emotional intimacy.
As I become more tolerant and patient with myself I am able to be more tolerant and patient with other people.
The serenity prayer has more meaning in my life today.
I am not able to change other people, yet I understand that I can change my unhealthy reactions towards other people today.
Everyone is different as you say.
Yet at the end of each day do we want and need to be healthier than yesterday.
How much do we want it today.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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